I'm Afraid of What I'm Risking if I Follow You
by Eliza Darling
Summary: While content now living with the Northuldra, Elsa still feels like there might be something else out there for her. The last thing she's expecting, though, is for Prince Hans to come back into her life.
1. Chapter 1

**And then we're back with a new Hans and Elsa fic? When there's a whole sequel I've been sleeping on for years but never finished?**

**Yeah, I'm calling myself out. But I thought of a plot after Frozen II and figured it's better to make a new timeline now, right? Alright, sharpen your pitchforks and knives and any questions you have I'll be more than happy to answer.**

**Also I'm claiming "Into the Unknown" for the Helsa fandom. It makes too much sense.**

_**I'm Afraid of What I'm Risking if I Follow You**_

**Chapter 1**

The true balance of nature between each of the spirits had its way of resonating inside Elsa, giving her a sense of peace she had never experienced. Maybe as a child, back when Anna had been well aware of her powers, but it had been too far back for her to _really_ remember the feeling, when all seemed right with the world. Her heart swelled with gratitude; she'd hold onto the frosted back of the Nocc, letting her hair flow freely behind her without a care.

No, Queen of Arendelle had never been her true calling. This was, this communication with the forest, as their bridge to the organic. As the fifth spirit, who could hear their call if their ways were threatened again. Sure, compassion had gone far in the kingdom—but she'd never been the social butterfly. That had _always_ been Anna's strength. From what she'd heard and seen, Anna ran the kingdom fairly, with Kristoff at her side and Olaf as something of his own royal assistant to the new queen.

There were still games of charades every few weeks, and Elsa would spend quite a bit of time in between the forest and her former home. She and Anna had even taken something called a "photograph" together, commemorating their familial bond and capturing their likenesses for the next generations. In fact, once Anna returned from her trek to Corona, she'd even promised Elsa she'd throw some sort of gala to commemorate the new union between the two kingdoms. But Elsa adapted to nature, to the Northuldra so quickly it even surprised her—and she'd never spent as much as a night in the outdoors prior to her sudden move.

The outside really _was_ for her, something Elsa didn't realize, given she'd spent her whole life behind closed doors.

Bruni scurried his way beside the Nocc as Elsa took him on his daily ride on land, her frost keeping him solid. His legs strengthened on the ground more and more with every ride; strong enough, Elsa hoped, to carry her great distances one day.

Hopefully soon, anyway. Sure, communing with the spirits and finding herself certainly brought this _closure_ to the mystery of her past, but then… what was her future? Just here with the Northuldra, waiting for something to alert her? To call her again? Charades with Anna while checking in on Arendelle every once in a while? Sure, she was content with her current present, but… how long could it last before she started feeling like she did before venturing out of Arendelle?

Suddenly Gale, who trailed behind them, whistled something that immediately brought the Nocc to a hurried stop. Bruni and Elsa soon sensed it, her brown furrowing in confusion. There was no voice in the distance, nothing to follow, from what she could gather...

Bruni hopped up to Elsa's shoulder, and she winced at the slight burn before making him another flurry. "I know," she murmured, "the feeling is so much stranger than last time. I can't explain it."

Taking a deep breath, Elsa turned the Nocc around and faced Gale, whose leaves whipped around just beside her. "I sense the source at the tribe?" she asked. With how Gale started back toward home, Elsa took that as a yes.

"_Hyah_!" The Nocc picked up speed at Elsa's urge, and she hoped the situation wasn't _too_ dire. Maybe the Earth Giants roamed too close to the dwellings? But the feeling wouldn't be _this_. She knew what that was like—they just needed goading away from the living area. This needed addressing. This was something new entirely, Elsa knew it.

No huge smoke in the distance, save the fire built every evening, which meant nothing was on fire... as she approached, no reindeer came out in a panic, so Ryder had nothing to fear. Easily Honeymaren would have been the first to warn Elsa about the trouble and what it was, but only Yelena stood by her hut, preparing for Elsa's arrival.

When she dismounted the Nocc at the pool of water beside Yelena's hut, she took off his frost so he could return to the water. Bruni hopped off of Elsa's shoulder and scurried away.

"The spirits are in some sort of panic," she said. "What's going on?"

Yelena sighed. "There was a fire, a broken-down transport several miles from the forest. An injured man was found stumbling close to the outskirts of the village."

Elsa's brow furrowed. "And no one else?" she asked quietly, fearing the worst.

"No." Yelena shook her head. "Not that we know of. Ryder went scouting earlier, but… it doesn't look good. This man might just be the sole survivor."

Elsa's hand shook as she slowly covered her mouth, trying to take in the severity of the situation as best she could. "Is he… will he be okay?"

"He's stable, and a bit delusional from some blood loss in his abdomen," Yelena explained, leading Elsa back into the village. Nearly everyone surrounded her hut, where Elsa figured the man was likely healing. "He'll need some time before making his way anywhere. He's resting with the physician now, and hasn't really spoken, not even his name when we asked."

"But… why would a single injured man cause the spirits to stir so much?" Elsa wondered aloud. "Surely this isn't the first time this has happened near the forest."

"That's what we're trying to figure out." Honeymaren popped up beside Elsa, dropping in on the conversation. She had this way of just… appearing, from sneaking around. It scared even Elsa sometimes. "Maybe it's because it's the first time something like this has happened since the mist lifted?"

"It's possible," said Yelena slowly, like it was only one of many reasons the spirits could have reacted the way they did.

Honeymaren shrugged, nudging Elsa with her shoulder. "You're the bridge between the spirits and us. You could probably figure it out quickly."

Elsa wrung her hands together, a force of habit she'd kept even past her glove-wearing days whenever her nerves got the better of her. "I don't know… I wouldn't want to impose questions on him if he's still recovering."

"He's very conscious, if that's what you're worried about," Yelena said, sensing Elsa's unease. "We were able to give him water earlier. If we just got a name, it'd be a start."

Sighing, Elsa started toward the hut. "All right." She didn't know if it was something the spirits were telling her, or just her own anxieties, but her heart was about to just leap out of her chest from beating so quickly. She ran a hand through her hair, hoping that might help calm herself down a bit (it really did not).

The tribe parted so Elsa could make her way inside, greeted by the warmth of the hut from all the combined body heat. Currently the physician busied himself by finishing up a new dressing on his wound, and Elsa kneeled down to get a better look. It really was fresh, and she could see the remnants of a few burns on his skin, as well. What hell, what hardship…

And then he turned, and her eyes widened.

Certainly on first gaze, from far away, his appearance didn't feel familiar. But though those eyes had sunken in and dark bags surrounded them from lack of sleep, they still shone that serpent green. His attire lacked flourish, for sure, in just a disheveled shirt and slacks, hanging off his lanky frame like they'd been stolen. His auburn hair had grown quite a bit these past three years, well past his shoulders and kept tied away from his face. His face thinned out; he'd definitely lost a bit of weight since she'd last given him a glance. But that was to be expected, given what had happened. The lack of sun made his freckles stand out more, more prominently than even Anna's. He winced as he leaned back onto his elbows once the physician lowered his shirt, trying to find a more comfortable position.

Their eyes met, his horrified expression mirroring hers. "Queen Elsa…" he whispered, and the whole tribe immediately turned their heads toward the former queen.

"What the _hell_ are you doing here?" Immediately Elsa went on the defensive, wishing she could lash out at him the way she wanted, the way he _deserved_ after everything he'd done to Anna, and what he'd almost done to her. "You have some nerve even _attempting_ to show your face this close to Arendelle again."

Honeymaren, who had followed Elsa into the hut, muttered under her breath, "So much for not wanting to impose on him."

But Elsa wasn't done with this interloper. "The Northuldra shouldn't have even shown you any compassion by bringing you in and taking care of you; you _deserve_ to rot." In fact, he might have even started the fire that had taken down the transport! No wonder the spirits had warned her to be wary!

"Alright, we get it." Honeymaren kneeled beside Elsa, crossing her arms tightly. "We get that you've obviously got a past with this man. But who _is_ he?"

"Prince Hans Westergård of the Southern Isles," Elsa sneered, his name sounding disgusting as it rolled off her tongue. "He tried to take over our kingdom by attempting to murder both my sister and me."

The statement caused a murmur among the Northuldra, now clearly in conflict with how they'd just helped this man, especially after they'd taken Elsa in and had made amends with the old Arendellean guards. Hans just held the same expression, wide-eyed and almost… helpless. But Elsa knew just how manipulative he could be; he was probably just acting to make himself seem more sympathetic.

"I was trying to get as far away _from_ the Southern Isles and Arendelle as I could," he tried to explain. "The damn transport _assured_ me we were headed north."

"You shouldn't even _have_ the freedom to travel," Elsa shot back. "You should still be serving your sentence with your brothers in the Southern Isles."

That was enough to get Hans to frown. "You'd have to bring me back dead, then."

All right, _that_ Elsa did not expect. Enough for her to blink, faltering and forgetting what she had planned on insulting him with next. The fists she'd clenched in her lap held so tight that her palms started to sweat—but at least her anger didn't cause her powers to lash out.

He had the audacity to actually scoff. "You think I had something to do with the transport burning, don't you?"

"Is that so wrong?" Elsa shot back. "I have valid reasons."

"Right, because I was _supposed_ to figure that the Queen of Arendelle would bring herself here, to this tribe in the middle of a forest." Hans winced as he tried to sit up further, like he was finally taking in his surroundings with the Northuldra tribe tensely watching their terse exchange. "What _are_ you doing out here? Don't you have a kingdom to run?"

Before Elsa could try to think of some excuse, some way she could at least _pretend_ she still held some authority, Honeymaren interjected (in an annoyingly _amused_ tone, Elsa noted), "You've been out of it for a while, I see. She's not the queen anymore. She's been living with us."

Hans tried to laugh, but instead winced at the pain it caused in his abdomen.

Oh, if he wasn't injured… Elsa would have punched him as hard as Anna had. "Anna is a million times the ruler you'd ever be," she tried instead.

"No, it's… it's irony. I'm laughing at _myself_. I'm sure she's a fine queen, if a little clumsy and overly optimistic."

Since when did the manipulative _Prince Hans_ ever feel any self-deprecation or… admiration for his enemy, even? All the quips she'd had planned, all the insults she'd been conjuring in her mind over the years, her grudge festering and dormant for so long, all _dissipated_ the moment he opened his mouth and subverted everything she thought he'd say or do. The last thing she expected in a reunion with Hans was her mouth getting dry.

So she stormed out of the hut instead.

"I'm not leaving an injured man to fend for himself out there," said Yelena, who'd been peeking in on the heated conversation. "Especially when she spirits are acting up."

"That's just a coincidence," Elsa retorted stubbornly, thinking if she believed it long enough, it might just become true.

"Even so. He can't do any harm here."

She hated that the statement rang true. No longer was she the timid queen who couldn't control her powers, and he wasn't near a kingdom to sway into loving him just for a power trip.

And no longer did they hold their royal titles: hers by choice, his by escape.

She held no authority; Yelena had the ultimate say. And if Elsa just escaped to Arendelle, who knew what Hans would do, without her keeping him in check? She couldn't _leave_ for her usual treks with the spirits, even, until she was certain she'd never see Hans again.

"Fine. But the moment he heals he's _gone_," she agreed reluctantly. Why was it cold? She was _never_ cold. "I'll escort him back to the Southern Isles to serve out his sentence myself, if I have to. I don't care if he said he'd only return dead."

To her annoyance, Yelena gave a chuckle. "I admire your determination."

Even worse, Yelena left it at that, stepping away.

Before she could say anything else, Gale breezed past her. Elsa interpreted the calming winds as a means to relax a bit, to breathe, to stay in the moment.

But she meant what she'd said. The moment Hans healed up, she'd do everything in her power to keep him as far away from her, from her sister, from her former kingdom, as possible.

**Sundays are gonna be my update days, going back and forth between my new Reyux fic and this one. My New Year's Resolution was to commit to writing more, and so far we're off to a pretty decent start!**

**As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated.**


	2. Chapter 2

**To be perfectly honest, I wasn't sure if I would get this done on time. This is what I get for telling myself I could handle training at work WHILE writing two fics at a time, updating every week. But I am very happy about all the support I've received from so many of you so far! It really keeps motivating me to keep going, on both stories. And it's nice to know the Helsa fandom hasn't died like AT ALL since the first Frozen came out.**

_**I'm Afraid of What I'm Risking if I Follow You**_

**Chapter 2**

She hated this stillness.

Or rather, she hated sitting here, day after day with her arms crossed in the hut, expecting Hans to do something—_anything_—to undermine her. Elsa was there to serve him food, to watch him as he slept, even, until she passed out from sheer exhaustion. When he bathed, she stayed nearby, only turning to stay modest and expecting the worst. Her presence seemed to keep him at bay, at least, even if it never failed to make her flush. According to the Northuldra, he was healing well using their herbal remedies, but even still he rarely got up, rarely spoke, except for polite murmurs. Occasionally he'd get this far-off look in his eyes, like he was trying to reminisce on something. No doubt thinking about all his past mistakes, his regrets. The terrible things he could never undo, and for which would never be forgiven.

She thought he'd say something snarky, try to rile her up. But the days soon passed in boring succession, each one making Elsa yearn for what she'd had before. No more rides on the Nokk, no more flurries for Bruni. She hardly even felt Gale's presence since Hans arrived.

"Nothing's stopping you from leaving," Yelena pointed out, handing a pitcher of water over to Hans. "I assure you, each of us can handle ourselves."

"I know him too well," Elsa replied stubbornly, crossing her arms tight over her chest. "He'll try something the moment I leave."

"Your loss." Yelena shrugged and stood to exit the hut. "The spirits miss your presence terribly, and you're the only one who can figure out why they're acting out so much."

They were just going to have to wait. Elsa just kept up her childish pouting, close enough to Hans to try and analyze his face.

Really, on first glance everything seemed normal. Sure, he had a tiny scar above his left eyebrow now, and he'd be boasting those bruises and scrapes on his skin for a while. The huge gash on his torso was what was taking forever to heal, with good reason. When prompted, she begrudgingly even produced ice to help out with numbing the pain. He finally had a bit more color in his cheeks with the food he'd been fed. Now he could even sit up without wincing so much, though he still needed assistance standing and walking, which the Northuldra were all too willing to oblige.

Hans paused after taking a sip of water, that look in his eyes again. Elsa didn't comment on the matter, not when she'd seen it a dozen times by now. She tried not talking to him at all, if she could help it.

But he broke the silence. "You can't possibly think I would try _anything_ after what happened after your coronation," he said, his voice cracked like he was trying to get used to the sound of it again. "Have you seen the state of me? I couldn't hurt a fly."

"Physically you might not be able to do anything, but I _know_ how your mind works," Elsa shot back. "You manipulate people with your words. _Those_ are more dangerous."

Hans set down the cup, rolling over so he could face her properly. The dying embers made his hair look more red than she remembered—or maybe it was because he had so much more of it now, unkempt and falling straight over his shoulders. "You don't think anyone can change in three years?"

"Not you, no," said Elsa stubbornly. "You're a monster. You wanted a _crown_ so much you were willing to murder two innocent girls for it. That's already reason enough for anyone not to trust you."

He sighed, turning his eyes down for a moment before facing her again. His green stare had this intensity behind it, like it was looking directly inside her soul. With that furrowed red brow, Elsa didn't know if she could meet such a gaze. "Three years is a lot of time for introspection," he said. "I think at some point I realized that while yes, running a kingdom would be wonderful, I _really_ just wanted to get off the Southern Isles by any means necessary. You've never been, have you?"

Elsa shook her head.

"The shores aren't calm like the ones in Arendelle, nor are the beaches peaceful. It's rocky and miserable. Hot in the summer, cold in the winter. It's the type of cold that would make even you shiver."

His _words_ were making her shiver. "That's still no excuse for your actions. You had a sentence to fill out, and I intend to send you back to do so."

"You have no authority anymore; you're not a queen," Hans shot back.

"I could bring you to Anna," she threatened. "I'm sure she'd be _thrilled_ to send you back. She'd probably throw in another punch for good measure."

"I meant what I said. The only way I'm going back to the Southern Isles is if I'm dead."

Elsa rolled her eyes. "You're being overdramatic. You're a _prince_; it couldn't have been that bad, even with your punishment. Why choose to run away from your title?"

She watched his hands ball up into tense fists. "The first thing they did was sell my horse. I know it's ridiculous to call a horse a 'friend,' but when three brothers ignored you for two years..."

Her mind wandered to Kristoff's relationship with Sven. "You raised him since he was a foal," she surmised, wishing she wasn't actually _engaging _in this conversation. There was almost this _hypnotic_ quality to his voice—was she succumbing? She couldn't be.

"It was all hell from there. I preferred being ignored over ridiculed."

"It was for good reason. You should have gotten worse for attempted murder."

Hans sighed. "I'm sorry. I really am."

An apology, she never expected. Not from him. Not from Prince Hans—he was just evil; he couldn't justify _any_ of his actions. "You're three years too late on that one. Besides, it's Anna who needs to hear it more."

He shrugged. "You're right. But I mean to keep going. I mean to leave this entire _region_."

Her eyes narrowed. "Coward. The last thing you deserve is freedom."

"And what are you?" he inculpated. "You renounced your title to 'find yourself.' Don't think I didn't ask with Yelena around. You found the source of your powers and... what now? What's next for the great Snow Queen?"

When he said it aloud, it didn't sound like a promising future. And she hated that just days ago she'd wondered the same thing. Her jaw clenched tight, wishing she could just storm out of the hut, leap onto the Nokk and get _away_ from all of this, if even for just a few moments.

"I still frequent Arendelle," she tried to justify. "My presence is suited more as a protector rather than a leader. Not that you'd know, when all you've ever tried to do is destroy."

"You've such a black and white perception about my character," he deadpanned, almost _amused_.

"Only because you've always given me reason to," she snapped. "What more could I _possibly_ need to know about you when I can't stand your very presence?"

"The fact that, from the beginning, I would have rather rotted in an Arendellean dungeon for eternity rather than be taken back to the Southern Isles."

And here they were, back at square one. Elsa still couldn't fathom what had been so unbearable about his home, even if that throne had never been his destiny in the first place. "How did you escape?" she asked instead, the resentment permeating her voice.

Hans shrugged. "After a while, my brothers stopped keeping as many eyes on me. My presence just quietly became less than nothing and I eventually took advantage of that by stowing away on a departing trade ship. By that point I was practically living in the barn as a labor boy, anyway."

How infuriating; how had Elsa not heard of such an escape? Then again, Arendelle and the Southern Isles had practically stopped corresponding the moment Hans had tried to kill her. "When was this?"

"About... a year and a half ago?"

The anger had shot through her so sharply her powers reacted, causing ice to form under her legs. He'd been on the run for so long, there had been plenty of time for him to cause damage. It took everything in her not to attack in pure frustration. "And we in Arendelle heard no news whatsoever?"she snarled.

"If that doesn't show you how _little_ I was cared for, I'm sure nothing else will convince you." And he acted so nonchalant about it, like he knew that was how his brothers would react! An attempted murderer, a heartless monster, out on the loose for so long...! Who could have known whom he'd pursued in that time! "My brothers cared _far_ more about their own pursuits than ever keeping tabs on me, that's for certain."

"Quite obviously!" Elsa cried. The ice expanded a bit more beneath her, and Hans raised an eyebrow.

"And you're sure you're in control of your powers?"

He had the audacity to tease! Though heated, her face flushing and enraged, she gathered up enough strength to calm down a bit, to retract the ice. "What I can now do would certainly make you think twice before crossing me again," she threatened.

Hans held up his hands. "I've obviously no intention of doing so, though apparently my word means very little around here."

"It means _nothing_," she emphasized. "No word of apology would ever change the pure vehemence I feel for you."

"You're sure you want to speak in such absolutes?" he asked.

"Certain. How did you not know you were headed out toward Arendelle?"

"It's... honestly fuzzy," he replied, for once sounding uncertain. "I'd taken so many odd jobs aboard tall ships that neighboring kingdoms began to blur together, after a while, especially since I rarely took the opportunity to explore. In Harmon recently, I asked if there was passage on ground headed north; instead, we apparently headed west."

His vagueness only enraged her further, but she couldn't think of a way to make him elaborate, to confess what countless crimes he'd probably committed in such a time. Before she could ask what had happened to his passage, he opened his mouth again.

"Why the Northuldra?" he asked. "Is it simply because of your powers?"

She shouldn't explain. She didn't need to justify why she was living here now; he just had to accept her new life, her choices. But Elsa could feel the words spilling out of her mouth, like she had no control over them. "My Northuldran mother saved my father in this forest years ago. My powers and I are their gift: the fifth element, the fifth spirit."

Hans bit his lip, like he was trying to hold back a smirk, or worse: _laughter_. What about her beautiful heritage was _funny_ to him? "You, former Queen Elsa of Arendelle, _Northuldran_?" he asked in disbelief, scanning her loose hair, her flowing skirts. "Your skin is practically the color of the snow you make, of that dress you're wearing."

"Color has nothing to do with my heritage." Oh, she could kill him for saying such a thing...! "Certainly far better than being the unlucky thirteenth prince of a rotting kingdom. I'm at least trying to _learn_ about this wonderful culture."

"It's not a kingdom I certainly care about anymore," he shot back. "If the damn transport hadn't caught fire, we wouldn't have had to _deal_ with each other ever again."

That still made little sense to her. "_How_ did it catch fire?" she asked.

Again, Hans squinted, as though even though this was only a recent occurrence, it seemed too blurry in his mind. He took a moment to tie his hair back into a high ponytail before answering. "It honestly came out of nowhere," he said slowly, trying to figure out the details as he recounted them. "One moment we were quietly rolling through the wood, and the next, I see the cart up in flames. It's strange; it _should_ have burned me completely, given I must have been closest to the center of it, but nothing _hurt_ until the transport rolled over and I must have fractured a rib, ripped something open after landing on hard rock. Then I saw..." He trailed off.

"Saw what?" Elsa goaded. She hadn't realized she'd been inclining closer toward him.

"I don't know." He shook his head. "Some creature, just _staring_ at me. I must have blacked out right after."

"What did it look like?" she pressed. Her hands balled into fists on her knees; she must have been merely a foot away at this point.

He opened his mouth to answer, and then there was that strange look he got again. Eyes in the distance, probably thinking back on his regrets and issues.

Before she could ask again, she heard a shriek from outside. Given how high-pitched it was, it must have been Ryder. "No, _no_, not in there, _please_!"

And then, Honeymaren: "You damn little runner! Get back here before I kill you!"

Yelena burst through, getting Elsa to jump back from Hans. "Elsa, you need to calm him down, he's—"

But Bruni had already scurried into the hut. Elsa had warned him multiple times that the tribe was _not_ the place to play and catch fire, but before she could urge him over to create a flurry, he ran right past her!

"Bruni, what are you—?"

Elsa gasped—he _leapt_ right onto Hans's lap, then climbed his way up his chest to settle on his shoulder. Eyes wide, she waited for his cry, for the inevitable _burn_ that came with touching him (because as much as she enjoyed his adorable presence, he still hurt).

But Hans just stared at the little guy like he was a mere pet, and not the very essence of fire itself—even bringing a finger up to stroke his back. "You're the little thing that's causing such a stir?" he asked, his voice softening. "You don't seem so threatening."

Yelena stood above Elsa, frozen in place, in pure shock. Even Elsa didn't know what to say—Bruni wasn't hurting him? He didn't _feel_ anything?

Hans delicately took Bruni from his shoulder, to hold him in cupped hands. Elsa must have looked like some dumb fish, mouth agape, eyes huge and unmoving.

And then at the same time, Hans and Bruni shared that _look_—that look Elsa _knew_, because she'd made it just months prior. That _look_ she'd refused to believe Hans sported whenever he gazed off in the distance, because she was too stubborn to believe it, to even _think_ it might be a possibility.

"Can you hear the singing, too?" Hans asked the little creature, and Bruni tilted his head toward Hans, a quiet understanding passing between the two of them.

Elsa could feel her heart pounding in her ears. "What _singing_?" she demanded once she found her voice, because not _once_ did she hear it when Hans arrived. "What does it _sound_ like?"

Hans repeated the melody, and Elsa paled.

**Yep, I'm still notorious for damn cliffhanger endings. I just love people in suspense and hearing theories! It really puts a smile on my face.**

**As always, kudos and comments are always appreciated! I love keeping in touch with all of you.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I had three days to write this after taking forever on the last Reyux chapter and I'm honestly proud I did! And yes, if it's before midnight my time, that counts.**

**Just so you all know, I've been reading all your reviews, and I've been very... interested to say the least. Some of you are contemplating fire Hans (and here's whether or not you'll see if you were right or wrong about that prediction), some of you really don't like how mean Elsa is to Hans. But I mean in _Frozen II_, she's INSANELY hostile when he's mentioned, from calling him an "irredeemable monster" after _three years_ to destroying a memory Anna had of him just because he showed up. Did I like any of that in the movie? No, but I kept the behavior in. That's what we have retcon fics for.**

**Look, I just have fun with writing them arguing. It's a fun dynamic that I RARELY got to play with in _Jump Into the Fog_, and it's fun to write this ship where Elsa has the upper hand for once.**

**Alright, long intro and gross justification is done. Enjoy the next chapter!**

_**I'm Afraid of What I'm Risking if I Follow You**_

**Chapter 3**

Bruni never turned even a bit hostile around Hans; if anything, the little guy just wanted to settle up to him like they were _old friends_. Traitor. If he caught fire, _nothing happened_. Once Bruni noticed he couldn't affect Hans in any way, he extinguished himself, then settled wherever he felt comfortable—usually on his shoulder. Hans would brush his long hair to the side and talk to him, and occasionally they'd hear the voice and stare, looking for the direction.

But his wounds hadn't healed completely yet; Elsa _refused_ to take him anywhere until she had some answers here from the forest. Fine, so he hadn't been living as a prince for a few years now. He ran away from his ignorant brothers, and in all that time, he didn't _seem_ like he was coveting any sort of crown.

She couldn't keep those defenses down, even if the voice wanted him for whatever reason.

Hans had the Northuldra wrapped _right_ around his finger. He was pleasant with the children (_good_ with them, even, never making them feel small or inferior to the adults), made decent suggestions. Yelena smirked on occasion around him. Honeymaren even _laughed_ at a joke he told about Ryder's obsession with reindeer. And Elsa felt like the closed off stick in the mud, as per usual, her arms permanently resting across her chest. Anna's old itching feeling to say or _do_ something crazy just to get away was starting to look more and more reasonable.

The voice was _good_—she'd proven it on her last adventure and freed this forest. It showed Elsa her calling as the fifth spirit. What could it possibly show Hans, who had done something as awful as attempted murder?

Elsa sat at the edge of the river, slippers to her side, pants rolled up to her knees as her feet dipped in the water. While winter didn't affect her in the slightest, summer was welcome, the sun kissing her skin with warmth. Behind her, she could hear the children giggling with the snow she'd provided to help them cool down, making their own Olaf replicas. They kept goading Hans to watch them play and build.

Gale whipped by her, and Elsa sighed. "No letter this week either," she said. All right, fine, she certainly _contemplated_ writing Anna, _several_ times. But what could she say that wouldn't bring Anna rushing out here and leaving Arendelle? Hans had returned. Hans was injured. Hans heard the voice and she couldn't. And while she could really use her sister's support, the only insider who _truly_ understood what he was capable of, Arendelle needed their queen more. And Arendelle needed this newfound connection with Corona, where Anna still was, and would be for a few weeks. She could _handle_ this—how hard could one former prince with a connection to the spirits be, after all?

Yelena kneeled beside her. "You've been an absolute joy to be around," she teased. "He _really_ isn't that bad."

"That's because he doesn't want anything from you," Elsa retorted. "You don't have a crown to steal, or a kingdom to run."

Shrugging, Yelena moved into a sitting position, looking out over the river. "I told you before: we listen to nature. And clearly nature is calling this man, yet you do nothing about it as the fifth spirit and the bridge."

"It's not my job to help him or change him."

"I never said it was." She took a deep breath, then continued. "I understand he did something horrible to you and Anna. But three years is quite some time, especially out of his former position. You have the opportunity to guide him toward something just and good. And who knows? It's not like you'll want to stay here forever."

Elsa's jaw clenched. Yelena had brought up her leaving the Northuldra a time or two, but she couldn't possibly be ready, could she? "Do you really think Hans has powers?" she asked.

Yelena shrugged. "I don't know. But you would be the one to help coax them out, if he did."

She sighed, exasperated. Elsa _knew_ she was right, but that would require being _nice_ to Hans, helping him out, even. But it'd been some time since he arrived. He still had yet to try anything nefarious. And she could handle this, she kept telling herself. "I'll figure it out," she promised. "Eventually."

"Good." Yelena stood. "I'll send him over now."

"That's not what I—"

But too late. Yelena was already up, stealing Hans's attention away from the kids. He slowly made his way over to Elsa, wincing from his wound as he sat beside her. And there was Bruni, diligent as ever as he rested comfortably on his shoulder. They were at a respectable distance, but if Elsa wanted, she could reach over and push him away. Punch him in the shoulder, hard.

"Yelena said you knew something about the voice?" he asked, taking off his boots.

"It's what called me out here, yes," she replied, trying to be cordial and curt. "There used to be a mist surrounding the forest, and Anna and I... we freed it."

"So the voice is good," he reasoned. "I thought it sounded more like a harbinger of death, to be honest." Hans also rolled his pants up, dipping his feet into the river to cool down.

"I thought so, too, at first," Elsa sighed, leaning back to face the sun more. "But I think my powers let me know it wasn't."

"Your powers," Hans repeated, looking to Bruni briefly. "He catches fire, but I don't feel it—do you think..."

"I don't know." Elsa shook her head. "Your emotions would have had you conjure something by now. At least, that's how they work for me."

"How does it feel?"

"When I...?" Elsa held up one of her hands, flexing her fingers. "It's... a tingling feeling. If I think about Anna, or what makes me happy—" Light snowflakes danced around her hand. "—it's weightless, freeing. And when I'm fearful, the feeling is heavy and jagged."

"And when you're powerful?" Hans asked, raising a brow. Was that even a bit of a playful smirk, a glint in his eyes? "Because I've seen that before."

"'Don't be the monster they fear you are,'" she said, remembering his words. "You thought of me like that?"

Hans shook his head. "I said 'they,' as in that damn Duke of Weselton and his goons who kept trying to brand you like some witch the moment you ran away. I honestly find your powers fascinating—breathtaking, even."

Her mind flashed back to how Hans had been the _only _presence to bring her down from that high, how his words came through to her because he approached with caution—talked first, acted diplomatically. Unlike the Duke's guards, who attacked her on sight. When he approached her in the dungeon, there was this genuine look of hope and fear in those green eyes, putting faith in her fragile self like she could undo the winter.

Yet he tried to slay her on the fjord. Because he figured that would be the only way to stop her crazed winter after begging.

Elsa swallowed thickly. "When I feel powerful, the tingling is more of a surge, like I can do anything." And with her new discoveries of her powers, who knew where they would take her?

Hans shook his head. "I'm feeling none of that," he replied. "No lightness or warmth, no fear or weight." He lifted his foot, watching droplets fall back into the river and ripple. "I just know this little guy doesn't burn me when I touch him."

"Bruni," said Elsa. "I named him Bruni."

"Bruni," Hans repeated, and Bruni cocked his head, sticking his tongue out. "Well, Bruni has been very helpful making the nightly fires for the village."

"The Northuldra utilize the elements to remain in tune with nature," she explained. "Do you ever notice how the wind can sweep us off our feet, or how we can ride atop the water? How the earth lifts us to bigger heights?"

Hans shook his head. "I've seen it happen with the Northuldra, but I've never tried myself."

Yelena _did_ say she would be the one to coax out whatever was happening with Hans. Pursing her lips, she pondered how she should go _about_ it. Hans being associated with fire was _too_ convenient an answer. Fire and ice. Diametric opposites. It couldn't be that easy.

Just as she thought it, there was Gale, her colored leaves brushing Elsa's hair and cape to the side. She was always so playful; more so than Bruni, even. "Oh!" she chuckled. "It's like you can read my mind, Gale."

"Gale?" Hans choked back a laugh. "That's what you named the wind spirit?"

"I—" But how was she going to explain to Hans that she'd conjured up a living snowman after freezing Arendelle? And that said snowman had named the wind spirit?

Gale whipped over to Hans next. But while his clothes ruffled, nothing else did, not even his _hair_. Elsa's brow furrowed, dumbfounded. "You don't... feel that?" she asked.

"No, I..." Hans looked just as confused. "I know the spirit is there, but nothing is happening."

First Bruni, then Gale? "Try again," she ordered the wind. And while Gale whipped by Hans again, and Bruni was lifted from his shoulder, still the same result. Nothing more than his clothes rustled.

Elsa looked to the water, an idea forming. Biting her lip, she moved her gaze up to Hans.

"What?" he asked, but Elsa was already pushing him into the river. Yelping, Bruni leapt onto the bank in just the nick of time. All right, that was a bit cruel, especially given the healing injury in his midsection, but Elsa had to get her frustrations out _somehow_. Besides, it wasn't like the water was very deep. And his boots were off.

"Sorry," she told Bruni, making him a little snow pile to dive into to make up for pushing his new friend into the river.

"What the hell?" Hans sputtered when he came to the surface. "Did you even know if I could swim?"

"Obviously you do," Elsa shot back, rolling her eyes. "Will you let me try one more thing?"

There was a moment of confusion, but Hans's eyes switched to clarity, understanding what she meant. Slowly, he nodded.

Elsa whistled for the Nokk, who emerged before her a moment later. Hans froze, eyes wide—obviously a spirit that took on the form of an aquatic horse wasn't something he expected to encounter today. Elsa realized he had yet to _see_ the water spirit, even during his occasional bath. She gestured for the Nokk to regard Hans.

His eyes slit at the appearance of such a stranger, but Hans, even with a shaking hand, brought one up as a sign of peace, of surrender. The Nokk didn't look to harm him, like he had with Elsa during their first conflict. This was an immediate understanding, a silent bond that not even Elsa had with him. She leaned forward over the bank, curious to see what would happen.

The Nokk tried to nuzzle Hans's hand with his nose, but he instead fazed right through him. And that confirmed it. Elsa figured if she tried to take Hans to the Earth giants, they wouldn't even _see_ him, and they certainly wouldn't lift him up like they did the Northuldra. The immediate look of regret, of sadness flickering in both their eyes was enough for Elsa to know they couldn't even _feel_ each other. Hans, who had lost his own horse a few years before, and the Nokk, who felt this immediate connection to him...

Elsa had no idea Yelena had been observing them just a few meters away. She stood beside the bank, just as shocked and Elsa and Hans were.

"You don't have powers," Elsa pointed out. "You're not even affected by the spirits at _all_."

Hans, the Nokk, and Bruni all looked out: hearing the voice again, Elsa figured.

"So?" Yelena looked to Elsa, as if she knew exactly what to do. "Nature has called. And what is your answer?"

Elsa took a deep breath, contemplating. Obviously _her_ powers affected Hans, if the damage to her North Mountain palace and how she could see his breath when he visited her cell weren't indication enough. But she was the bridge between the spirits and the rest of the world, and Yelena was right—only she would be able to guide Hans. She didn't _have_ to, but the spirits would not be in balance unless...

"I suppose I should take him to Ahtohallan," she replied. "But I can't with the state he's in. The waves in the Dark Sea are too high, and he can't even touch the Nokk. Not to mention his injuries haven't completely healed yet."

Humming, Yelena contemplated, crossing her arms. "Perhaps the powers you found at Ahtohallan have made you stronger here. You've been able to see memories of the past before—perhaps you can do that now, without having to bring Hans across the Dark Sea." Of _course_ she would leave it this vague, deciding now to join the rest of the tribe and leave Elsa to contemplate this information on her own.

Hans tried to lift himself out of the water, but winced last minute, falling back into the river. Bruni moved over to the edge, his expression concerned. Elsa could tell, the Nokk wished he could help in some way. She had to admit, he _did_ look a little pathetic, unable to do this simple task with which the spirits would normally help.

Sighing, she offered him a hand, and regretted it as he took it—would he pull her in, too? Make it some sort of payback? But she realized she'd been holding his hand for a bit without doing anything. He didn't make an attempt to wrench her into the water, and she wasn't pulling him up just yet.

"Are you... expecting something?" he asked, raising a brow at her.

Elsa shook her head, coming out of her trance. "No," she replied, finally hoisting him up. He made his way up through the pain, sitting back on the edge of the bank beside her, then started to wring out his damp hair and clothes back into the water.

"What are you going to do now?" Bruni cringed at all the water on Hans, but bared through it, still crawling up his arm to settle back on his shoulder.

"I honestly don't know," Elsa answered, shaking her head. _Only Ahtohallan knows_, she remembered Mother saying. Anna had insisted she keep Mother's scarf—Elsa wished she had retrieved it in anticipation of this new discovery.

Her, harnessing the powers of Ahtohallan outside its reach? Could she even do that without given anything? She'd been using the water around her, from the moisture in the air to see that Mother had saved Father's life, to see what had happened to their ship. _Hopefully_ she could do that with Hans.

"But I'll help you figure it out," she promised, and the words surprised her as she said them. But as they came out of her mouth, she realized she _wanted_ to. She _wanted_ this new adventure, to grab it and seize it and figure it all out in hopes of righting whatever wrong had happened to him, to cause him to be immune to all the spirits.

Maybe, just maybe, this would lead her to whatever destiny held for her outside her comfort of the Northuldra, to a more certain future.

**Look, I just don't like writing Hans with powers. Not my thing. You'll find it from other great writers though, I'm sure! For this, we're going a little more mysterious and ambiguous. **

**You know, like _Frozen II_.**

**As always, kudos and comments are always appreciated!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Look, there's nothing I want more than to just let you all know what the plan is for these two, but man, are the theories really getting out there for the mystery, which I'm really enjoying. I love interacting with you all, more than anything.**

**And I honestly really need to update my outline because WOW was I getting confused with the direction this was going in a few times, whoops.**

**_I'm Afraid of What I'm Risking if I Follow You_**

**Chapter 4**

Alright focus. Breathe. Meditate.

What did she know?

She knew Hans had been on the run from the Southern Isles, from responsibilities, from _himself_ for the better part of three years. She knew his brothers had sold his horse, left him humiliated, and that was what prompted him to leave. She knew that his effervescent charm was _certainly_ working on the Northuldra.

She knew her powers affected Hans as the bridge, but the other spirits couldn't even touch him.

The Earth Giants ignored him; when Elsa stood beside him on a ledge to be lifted, nothing happened. The moment he stepped off, she moved atop the hill almost instantly. Each passing day Hans could sit up a bit straighter, walk a bit farther.

But Elsa wasn't ready to take him to Ahtohallan. That was _her_ place, where the spirits blessed her with powers. To take Hans there was to corrupt it, to share it.

Even if that was what Yelena seemed to always hint at.

Her ability to conjure up memories only came from something within herself. Memories from Gale during the battle between the Northuldra and Arendelle. Of her parents' lost ship. Of Mother saving Father's life.

"I thought you didn't get cold," Hans teased, sitting beside Elsa at the fire made for cool evenings, just outside her hut. It took her out of her little meditation, but really, she hadn't gotten much further than when Yelena first suggested trying to broaden her powers, push their limits even further. All she did was _think_, and then her thoughts just—halted.

Because she didn't really _know_ this Hans. She didn't know Hans at all, and neither had Anna. She knew he had twelve older brothers, he liked horses, and he was mentally capable of taking over any kingdom.

He also had this way with words, that brought down her guard just a bit more each time. Like he was chipping away at ice. Patience came easily and naturally, after waiting so long to take his shot at Arendelle's throne.

"I don't," she admitted. But she was wearing Mother's scarf, sitting beside a fire. Of course the image _looked_ like she was trying to warm up. She shrugged, showing off the embroidery. "This was my mother's. I wear it when I'm trying to think."

Hans held his hand out, asking permission to look at the scarf like Honeymaren had, trying to study it. Elsa nodded, and reluctantly let him hold a square. She still kept her grip on it; who knew if Hans might tear it, intentionally or not.

He pointed at each of the elements. "Yelena taught me each of the symbols," he said. "She said you should lead me to the edge of the forest, to see the pillars?"

Yelena. Elsa didn't know if she kept intentionally pushing her and Hans together so she could get over her past hang ups or—?

No, that wasn't it. Yelena kept hinting that Elsa should _leave_, but there was no purpose she knew of outside the Northuldra.

Sighing, she replied, "All right, I suppose I can. It's not far. Will you be needing... assistance?"

Hans put a hand to his side. "Outside is mostly bruising, but Yelena thinks I cracked a rib or two on impact. I suppose we'll see, if I should wait it out or not."

Yelena this, Yelena that. She seemed to _adore_ Hans, or maybe just found some infatuation with his situation.

Maybe it was the ponytail.

"You can wait. You don't exactly get along with the reindeer," she pointed out.

Hans chuckled, leaning back. "Very lucky Ryder was there to calm them down," he said. "I suppose she just wants me to get to know the forest a bit better."

Elsa shrugged. "Not much you can do when you can't interact with the spirits." She could continue to let her curiosity eat at her, but was it crucial to figure out why Hans couldn't feel their elements? She could still be stubborn about this; they didn't have to figure this out now, if ever, right?

He shifted, hugging his knees to his chest. "You didn't tell Anna, did you," he said, matter-of-factly. "Otherwise she'd be here, trying to kick my ass four ways to Harmon."

"She _does_ throw a mean punch," Elsa chuckled. But he called it. She tried to write her sister, started letters that didn't just get to the point, but they had been so flowery in her introductions, and then? Then they'd be ripped up because she wasn't sure how to seamlessly integrate Hans or his return into her life. "But I shouldn't concern her about something I can handle myself. _You_ try ruling Arendelle sometime."

"I did," he piped up. "While she was out looking for you. I kept the castle open so the citizens could keep warm, handed out blankets in the cold and served hot glogg and soup. I even helped prepare everything in the kitchen. Kept that damn Duke of _Weasel_-town away from spreading nasty rumors about your powers. I hadn't slept a wink in three days, but—damn, if I wasn't at my happiest, knowing I was _useful_. Not just someone to be overlooked."

Elsa hadn't realized she'd been staring, enamored with the story. She always assumed it was the other dignitaries who had helped out, but then again, Anna admitted she left Hans in charge. She just didn't think he'd actually do _anything _to help out.

She wanted to see it.

"I want to try something," she decided. "Sit closer to the fire."

Hans furrowed a confused brow, but did as he was told. "All right—but where are you going with this?"

Elsa shrugged. "How else am I supposed to get you to produce sweat?"

That only confused Hans further. "I can think of two other ways."

"Well, sure, there's exercise but in your condition, I wouldn't suggest it," said Elsa. "What's the second?"

Hans just looked at her knowingly. It took a few moments, but Elsa flushed, then smacked his shoulder. "How _dare_ you!" she gasped.

He couldn't help but laugh. "That was almost a bit _too_ easy."

She could still feel the flush all over her face, creeping down her neck, even. The _nerve_! She'd been a queen, and he had the audacity to suggest that! Elsa had never kissed anyone in her life, let alone _think_ of anyone in such a way!

"He's not wrong!" Honeymaren called out from her hut, listening in.

And how dare _she_! Her agape face probably looked as dumb as she felt. "You're no help!" she called back.

But Hans had done what she'd suggested, scooting closer toward the fire. Given this one was started with a flint, and not by Bruni, Hans should be fine, give Elsa what she wanted. She couldn't just drench him and try to conjure up memories of his.

"You don't trust me, do you?" she asked, wrapping the scarf tighter around herself.

"I do, actually," Hans replied, holding his hands out. Luckily it was a warmer night out; this shouldn't take too long.

She sighed. "Let me guess: Yelena told you."

"She... might have mentioned something," he admitted. "You've been able to conjure up still memories using the water around you?"

"_Only_ of what's happened here before," she said. "I was able to see that my mother saved my father during the battle between Arendelle and the Northuldra. I—even found their lost ship, and learned of their last moments." But her memories, the vast ones that spanned generations and concerned her parents, her sister... those could only be found so quickly in Ahtohallan. Within moments. But she had to take what she could get here.

If this even worked.

"Water has memory," she explained, and again, it wasn't like she could bring up a talking snowman without potentially _really_ weirding Hans out. "So I'm wondering, with you—"

"If I do this little experiment, and test this out, you might see something that will unlock something about my past and why I can't interact properly with the spirits," he finished. "And just dunking me in water isn't going to be enough, so while it's a bit—strange, sweat will have to do?"

"Yes, that." She gave a knowing point. "That doesn't weird you out, does it?"

Hans shrugged. "With all the traveling in cramped quarters with a plethora of different animals and people, nothing really fazes me," he replied. "But none had powers like you did. Nor have I seen magic like this in... my life, I think."

Bruni scurried up to Hans, after whatever little adventure he decided to go on today. It was like Hans expected it now, helping the little guy up to his shoulder. And sometimes it seemed like they had little conversations, too. Like they could understand each other.

Elsa used to have that connection with the little fire spirit. But he seemed to have a new best friend now.

"When's the last time you heard the voice?" she asked, but she looked to Bruni to see if he would pop his head in the right direction.

Hans shrugged. "I don't know—just a few moments ago? I've been ignoring it for now. Not much I can do about it."

"Does it keep you up?" Elsa noticed his face flushing a bit more; just keep up this conversation until she could _try it_... "It kept me awake, just this voice, singing to me." She sang the notes lowly.

Hans repeated it. Elsa had never really heard him sing, but—damn, if he didn't have a melodic voice. A really nice one, actually. "You can't sing that high, can you?"

"No." Elsa chuckled. "I think I tried once, and I'm glad no one was around to hear it. But the voice... it'll react sometimes if you sing back. That's what I think, anyway."

"Ah. I suppose that's something to look into when, well... when I'm healed," he said.

Elsa realized that would probably lead him right to Ahtohallan. Hopefully by that point, Elsa would have everything she needed to know about Hans, or maybe she'd feel more comfortable bringing him there.

_If_ she could.

She looked up at him. "I think that'll do," she decided, raising her hands. With Gale, she'd interacted with the wind, and on the ship, she knew to gather the water from the planks. With Hans... she would have to touch him.

Hans scooted toward Elsa, but he kept his distance respectable, as per usual. His hands, would that work? No—she honestly didn't think so, if the beads of sweat formed at his temples. Oh, how disgustingly intimate... Swallowing, she started to reach toward his jaw. "Do you mind?" she asked. "I'll try not to freeze you, of course." There wasn't much to work with, but just _maybe_ she could conjure up something small.

Bruni stuck his little tongue out, pacing across Hans's shoulder like he couldn't wait.

But Hans leaned forward, giving a nod. "I said I trusted you," he assured. "Can't be worse than anything I've felt in the past few years."

His skin was warm, certainly from sitting so close to the bonfire. Why was her heart pounding so loud; maybe she still thought Hans might try something nefarious? His eyes were so green—and she could read them, knew that he actually _trusted_ her like he said. Deep breath. Relax. Focus. She could do this. It was _just_ Hans, and she could handle him.

Bruni looked up at her expectantly, dancing on his shoulder. She couldn't focus with that green gaze, so she closed her eyes. The hair beside his ears was so soft. Alright, she could _do_ this.

"Show me," she murmured, but it was more of a command of herself, drawing in all her power to do this. That tingling feeling she'd described to Hans whenever she felt her powers ready to burst. "Show me, show me..." The memory of him helping in Arendelle. _Something_, no matter how small. Something that wouldn't freeze him.

Her forehead was practically against his. "_Show me_." It wasn't just conjuring snow and ice for fun. This was to _help_ show her what she could do. Show her more about him.

She opened her eyes, and the power leapt from her hands, gathered what she needed about Hans. A snow memory (albeit, smaller than the ones she'd been able to produce before) appeared beside them. Bruni danced happily on Hans's shoulder, and Elsa gasped, amazed that she'd been able to do it.

It was... Helga, who ran the bakery down by the harbor. Hans handed her a blanket, an assuring hand on her back. The smile on his face was kind, his eyes genuine. He _liked_ doing the work.

"_Does anyone need a cloak?_" The memory she'd been looking for—conjured right here!

"_Arendelle is indebted to you, Your Highness_."

It was just a snippet, but exactly what she'd wanted. They both gasped, astonished.

"You... you did it," Hans uttered. "Incredible." He had this little smile, like he couldn't quite believe it, but... there it was. Her powers at their finest.

"I—I did." Elsa almost couldn't believe her little experiment actually worked. When she looked back at Hans, she realized her hands were still cupping his cheeks.

Clearing her throat, she took her hands down and tried to hide the flush that inevitably graced her face—again. Elsa instead flexed her fingers, feeling more powerful than ever. The tingling hadn't gone away just yet.

The power of Ahtohallan... maybe she _could_ harness it without going back there. Keep everyone safe from diving too deep into its river, too deep into following the voice and _freezing_ to death.

Elsa would just have to figure out what the right secret was, within his past.

And she could tell Yelena was probably in the shadows, watching all of this unfold. Probably taking whatever notes she needed to, to tell Elsa about this inevitable destiny or future she thought she had ahead of her.

Now Elsa knew for sure: Hans _was_ telling the truth about helping out Arendelle, about _liking_ it. And she started to see that natural leadership show through, and how the people just lapped it up. But his reaction was _genuine_. _Hans_ was genuine. She never thought she'd live to see it.

What else was she missing? And how long would it take?

With this surge of power, she wanted to know more. She _needed _to know more, and eventually would.

But it was getting late. There was only so much energy Hans could exert, so much she could only do in a night. There was time he needed to heal, time she needed to figure out just what else she could _do_ with this. She looked over at the memory, still in awe.

That was, until Bruni leapt off Hans's shoulder, running directly onto the snow memory and setting it ablaze, melting it quickly so he could cool down.

"_No_!" both Elsa and Hans cried.

**I have a thing for Hans in a ponytail, I guess.**

**As always, comments and kudos are appreciated!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry this was late! A combination of just generally being tired, reworking this entire outline because the original was just so convoluted, and going to Disneyland the day this was due is honestly enough to take me out. **

**On a lighter note, I did see Frozen on Broadway at the end of January with the tour cast, and Caroline Bowman and Austin Colby are the modern Helsa couple I didn't know I needed in my life (they did the "Fixer Upper" dance during our performance, too!). They've honestly given me so much inspiration to keep going as a shipper, artist, and writer, and I will continue to adore them forever.**

**_I'm Afraid of What I'm Risking if I Follow You_**

**Chapter 5**

Ever since they saw their first memory on Hans's, they were on this constant chase to see what _else_ they could dig up: Hans, for something so old he couldn't remember it, and Elsa, to see what his time in Arendelle had been like from his point of view. Of course, Elsa's powers showed _her_ what _she_ wanted—so she finally completed watching his first interaction with Anna, the genuine excitement in his eyes.

The quiet smile he didn't have to show, when she turned her back.

Hans had actually liked Anna. Didn't love her, but he _liked_ her.

And who didn't? She was charismatic, good with the people, very personable and naturally sweet. As heir, Elsa had been the one to receive a few more letters from potential suitors (none she answered, of course), but she knew if they ever met her sister—she'd charm them in an instant. She was so much like Father that way, such a natural character that made her so perfect as the face of the kingdom.

No wonder Hans wanted her. He knew she was a leader years before she even took the position.

But it'd been a whole week of little snippets from this _one_ interaction. Hans was probably getting sick of it, much as Elsa needed to grasp a better judge of his character. She wished she had the power to just—see it all in one go.

No, she wasn't ready for Ahtohallan. And neither was Hans.

Of course, it was hard to keep track of it all, when Bruni hopped right into a memory every time one emerged to cool down on these warm summer nights. Elsa started taking notes on what she'd seen, private ones whenever Hans fell asleep as a way of keeping herself grounded—a personal diary of sorts. She hadn't had one in years, but when she spent so much time alone as a kid, it was her way of communicating with _something_, putting it out into some sort of void. No one knew about it—not Ryder, not Honeymaren, not even Yelena.

Whenever she wrote, though, she always considered how she was going to break this news to Anna; eventually, she would _have_ to.

She read and reread the interaction, looking for something to show something nefarious... but so far, _nothing_. Everything she'd seen so far went against what he'd tried to do to Arendelle, to usurp the throne. How _did_ he get from point A to point B?

And Anna had been a lot more calm about the whole situation, the whole time. Maybe it was Kristoff who grounded her, kept her from seething, but maybe that was just Anna. She brushed most terrible situations aside and tried to move on with their life and stay generally cheery, while Elsa... had let the whole thing fester and boil. She never tried to move on from how he'd hurt her sister.

Usually Elsa passed out from sheer exhaustion staying up and watching Hans, that she normally missed the tossing and turning, the supposed nightmares Yelena told her he'd been plagued with since his arrival. Or maybe it was the voice again—it kept Elsa up so much she accidentally _woke_ the spirits, and who knew what it was doing to Hans.

But she again couldn't even remember how she'd passed out, how her blankets even ended up around her shoulders when she finally woke. When she sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Hans was just finishing up changing the dressing on his wound, Bruni comfortably on his shoulder. It certainly wasn't the first time Elsa had seen him without a tunic, but it was the first time she noticed the freckles on his shoulders. He had definitely bulked up in the three years since Elsa last saw him, from this clean cut prince to this rogue on the run, his shoulders broader, his abdomen defined.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," he teased, leaning back onto his palms. He hadn't put on his tunic again just yet. Maybe he didn't like the confinement, on top of the bandaging? Elsa tried to keep her gaze on his.

"It's late, isn't it," Elsa sighed. Sleep late, wake late—that seemed to be her new schedule. Hans had probably been up for a few hours now.

"Almost midday," he pointed out. "Are you finally ready to see something _other_ than obsessing over my first meeting with your sister?"

Elsa sighed again. Of course Hans was getting bored with that. "I apologize that this is going so slow—I can conjure memories from myself, but they won't move or speak. Yours do, but they require... far more concentration."

"At this rate, we won't get to what you're looking for for another three years."

Damn. He was right. "Trust me, I _wish_ I could just... get it all out in the open, at once."

The Yelena voice inside her head kept nagging, "_You can. You know where to take him_."

Instead, she shot out a memory of her own for Hans, one of her in her room with Sir Jörgenbjörgen. Making him as a child helped her hone in her powers and suppress them, since she was so focused on stitching him perfectly. "Something as easy as _that_, you know?"

"I do." Hans nodded, and Bruni scurried off his shoulder to promptly melt down Elsa's new creation. "What _was_ that ugly little puffin in your hands?"

Elsa chuckled, watching him melt under Bruni's heated skin. "Sir Jörgenbjörgen!" she explained. "I used to talk to him _all_ the time like he was my _best_ friend." When she'd been cut off from talking to Anna, after she struck her head.

"I had something like that, too," Hans replied. "This old, worn out stuffed puppy that looked like it went to Hell and back. When my brothers ignored me, and before I got Sitron, I used to talk to him like he could... talk back, I guess?"

"Someone to make sense of all these feelings." Elsa understood that perfectly. How did they have this in common? This feeling of isolation around people you were supposed to be close to? "What was his name?"

"Just John," said Hans, shrugging. "I guess I wasn't really that creative as a kid."

Elsa pushed the blankets from her lap. "I think I know what to look at today."

She could see his green eyes actually _brighten_ up, more than she'd ever seen. "Really?"

"Positive." Elsa smiled softly, starting to stand. As she did, her stomach rumbled. "Maybe after I've had a bite to eat, first?"

* * *

"_A few of my brothers haven't talked to me in over a year_." Hans was probably around seven or eight in the memory, and held his well-loved puppy to his chest like he could squeeze the life out of it. "_I don't know what I did wrong_."

It's all the memory would show Elsa, when it finally manifested. She took in everything, from the fear and confusion in his young eyes, to his buckled stance, knowing she only had a few moments before Bruni destroyed it. Anna had mentioned something about a few of his brothers ignoring him for two years, but Elsa always assumed it was an exaggeration, or straight up lie. But the past didn't lie, and neither did these memories she could conjure.

Isolation from his family, ignored by his brothers, thirteenth in line for the throne... no wonder he was excited at the prospect to actually _mean_ something to an entire kingdom. The way he held onto this plush reminded so much of how Elsa hugged Sir Jörgenbjörgen when she was feeling down.

She hated the feeling it brought to her stomach, of unease and discomfort, knowing they shared something so personal and intimate. She wished it wouldn't stick with her like it did, either.

Hans seemed to sigh in relief when Bruni leapt onto the memory, taking a step back from Elsa.

"I'm sorry," was all she could say. What _did_ one say to something like that, especially when there was nothing she could do to comfort this Hans, this one who could be swayed from going so far as attempted assassination?

"It was a long time ago," he dismissed, but he wouldn't meet her gaze. Of course, if they were going to continue down this path, of learning about his past, there needed to be some level of comfort.

Much as she couldn't stand it.

"Some of the memories I bring up _are_ going to be painful," she pointed out. "Especially if we're unlocking your past to figure out why the spirits can't react to you."

"I get it, I do," he said. "I just... try to forget this all happened, sometimes. But I'm not entirely sure a memory of a stuffed dog will exactly unlock why I can't feel any of the elements from the spirits."

The spirits... Hans had gotten quite a bit better at standing, and didn't wince nearly as much as when he sat down. Bruni scurried off after melting down the memory, off to do his own thing for a few moments before inevitably returning to Hans's shoulder like it was his new home. Maybe, just maybe...

Elsa bit her lip. "Hans, when was the last time you rode a horse?" she asked.

His brow furrowed. "Not long ago, but it was just for transportation purposes, not recreational. Why?"

She grinned, and without thinking, took his hand. "Come with me," she said, leading him toward the river.

Once at the edge, Hans took a step back. "You're not going to push me in again, are you?" he asked, his tone wary.

When she shook her head, she realized she and Hans were still holding hands, and promptly withdrew, trying not to think about how easily their fingers slotted together, how warm his palm was. She emphasized her own disgust by wiping her hand against her skirts. "No," she assured. "But I want to try something, now that you're healed up a bit more."

With that, she let out a whistle, and there was the Nokk. Elsa hadn't seen him around much since she pushed Hans into the river while trying to see how all the spirits reacted to him—he spent most his time helping the Northuldra, by letting them skirt on water for quicker transportation. Even Gale had been rather scarce, at least around the two of them with the knowledge that they couldn't do much with Hans.

She had a feeling this would work, but she was waiting until the right moment, when he wouldn't fall and injure himself further, keeping him bedridden longer. Yes, her powers affected Hans, but could they if it was in conjunction with the spirits? She was about to find out.

Elsa watched the Nokk acknowledge Hans for a moment, but Elsa brought a hand to its mane, letting her frost spread about so he could traverse on land again.

Hans gaped, astounded. "You could do this the whole time and never once thought to try it out?"

"Oh, I thought about it," she said, stepping back so the Nokk could approach Hans, albeit carefully on both ends. "But I'm not making your injuries any worse if you fall off." Elsa would never hear the end of that from Yelena.

They stared at each other for a few moments, and Hans slowly held a hand out. Both he and Elsa let out a sigh of relief as the Nokk leaned forward, his snout resting against his palm. She... did it. Hans could touch the Nokk if her frost covered him first. "How does it feel?" she asked.

The Nokk nuzzled against Hans's palm, and Elsa could only describe his grin as nothing short of euphoric. What was worse—she couldn't help but smile, too. "It's—cold, but I can deal," he replied. Now that they could be around each other, the Nokk kept trying to hold contact.

Alright, so her powers would affect him because he reacted to _cold_. But something told her Hans wouldn't mind as long as he had something else to do other than stick around the tribe and slowly recover and help out. "I can't give him a permafrost like Olaf," she warned. "He does have to go back to the water where he belongs."

Hans finally looked over at her, still petting the Nokk's mane, his back. "Who's Olaf?" he asked.

Oh... damn. Flushing, Elsa realized she'd never once tried to _explain_ Olaf to Hans because it'd be too strange. "He's..." How was she going to put this into words? Best to be quick. "He's a snowman Anna and I built as kids and I made him sentient while escaping up the North Mountain," she said in a rush.

"I'm sorry..." said Hans, "a what?"

"A sentient snowman," she repeated. "He talks and walks and sings. I finally gave him a permafrost so I wouldn't have to keep rebuilding him from melting."

She watched his lips form a pout, trying to comprehend what she'd just told him. "Like... the monster outside your palace on the North Mountain? The one who tried to attack me and the Duke of Weselton's men?"

Right, he'd been there to experience that. "Yes, I suppose? But far smaller. And honestly smarter, with how much he knows in three years of existence. He lives in Arendelle with Anna."

Hans blinked, trying to process her words. "Okay," he said, because in this case, what else was there to say?

Shaking her head, she decided to change the subject. "Let's go for a ride," she suggested.

His face brightened up again, practically beamed. Even the Nokk understood that, dancing about a bit. "Okay," he repeated, this time with far more enthusiasm. "How exactly does one go about riding the Nokk?"

"Like this." Elsa created her rein foe him, before hoisting herself right onto his back. She tied her hair, not wanting it to whip around all over the place, and offered her hand to Hans this time, rather than just grabbing it. "Come on."

Was it just her, or was his smile a bit... coy? Playful? He took her hand and she helped hoist him up. With her in front, Hans tried to keep a respectable distance between the two of them. "What exactly do I hold onto?"

Elsa supposed she could ask him to lean forward and take the reins just behind where she was holding. But she'd risk him falling if they went for a real ride. Sucking up her pride, she figured, it meant nothing if he held on—he'd be too enamored with just _riding_ again. She reached back and led one of his hands to her hip, knowing he'd get the hint.

His eyes widened. "You're sure?" he asked. And the fact that he _wanted_ to keep chaste proximity at least let Elsa know he feared her enough to know she held all the power here. Good.

She tried not to focus on how nicely his hand encircled her waist, warm and comforting. "If you fall off, it's on you for not holding on properly," she decided, trying to still have some bite in her voice.

Wordlessly he scooted a touch closer, his other hand taking her side. With that, she took off so she wouldn't have to think about his hands on her, starting at a slow pace—just a trot around the river. Of course, this got Hans to hold on a bit tighter.

Sure, she could have had Hans in front, but he'd never ridden the Nokk before. _She_ had the experience. And this way, she could _stay_ in control.

Once in the village, kids gawked at the sight of the Nokk, who so rarely came out to play. Honeymaren wore her signature smirk, nodding in approval, and even Ryder came around just outside the tribe, on the back of one of his many reindeer friends.

"She got you on the Nokk?" he asked. "How?"

Hans held on a bit more; they were picking up speed. "Frost from Elsa's powers," he answered.

Ryder grinned, keeping up with them. "She's amazing, isn't she?"

Elsa could feel the hesitation behind her, and she tried not to let that bother her.

"She is," Hans finally said, and was it just her, or did his grip tighten a bit around her? Elsa urged the Nokk on faster so Hans and Ryder could just stop this conversation.

When they passed Yelena, the gentle, all-knowing smile stuck with Elsa—yes, all right, this was the natural progression, but it didn't mean _anything_. Maybe he'd just learn to live with the voice until he was all healed up, and he decided to go his own way to solve this mystery. She tried not to see it, but it wouldn't fool Yelena—that woman knew all, it seemed like.

So they kept riding, aimlessly, through the trees lush with leaves providing great shade during these warmer months. The Nokk's hooves thumped rhythmically against the soil, leaving Elsa mindless, taking her thoughts off of Yelena, off of Hans, despite the fact that he still held onto her. Just her, just the Nokk. The way it _had_ been before all this, before it seemed like Hans wanted to come back into her life out of the blue, and suddenly Yelena was using it as this excuse to drive her out of the tribe when it seemed like she only just arrived, trying to get more in touch with the spirits and this culture that was part of her heritage.

They rode out far enough to the ledge—no longer much of a ledge, though, now that the dam had been broken. Elsa realized she hadn't really seen it since. This was the way the land should have always been, and now Elsa finally got to see it, and live by it.

When they stopped, she turned to Hans and asked, "How are you doing back there? Too much?"

He didn't answer. Instead, he kept staring out toward the horizon. Maybe he just heard the voice again, and that was the direction it wanted him to go. But the Nokk wasn't looking out, and this wasn't like the confused, almost awestruck gaze he usually sported. This was... focused. Intense, even. Like he was trying to remember something. But... he'd never been here before, had he?

"Hans?"

"Didn't there used to be a dam here?" he asked instead.

Now Elsa was the confused one. She leaned forward, brushing back the Nokk's mane. She only knew about the dam from Father's story... because when Elsa had been training to be queen, no books ever mentioned the tensions between Arendelle and the Northuldra, like this whole history had been erased. The Northuldra existed, sure, but they never had any overlap with Arendelle—certainly not the dam, or the era of "peace" her grandfather had falsely given. Honestly Elsa thought it could still be a myth until she and Anna saw it with their own eyes, even thinking it just an image in Pabbie's vision.

Someone from the Southern Isles should _not_ know about its existence, especially not Hans.

"How do you know that? It's in no history book that I know of. It was only ever something I just had to trust existed until I saw it."

This response was enough to bring Hans back down, to look over at Elsa. He seemed just as surprised, like this was supposed to just be common knowledge when it now clearly wasn't. His hands didn't leave her waist.

"I had to learn about Arendelle and all its surrounding kingdoms as a child," he replied. She watched his neck bob as he swallowed thickly. "My brothers and I all had to."

**So the plot thickens and Hans can kind of ride the frosted Nokk. Also do you ever realize your best writing points are the ones you don't plan?**

**As always, comments and kudos are insanely appreciated. I will be on time next update, for sure.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I am honestly so shocked I got this done when I was supposed to, especially after hearing the news that my place of employment was not only shutting down for two weeks, but that all our interns were getting sent home, some of them being my most promising trainees. It's been a really tough week, is what I'm getting at.**

**So while we're here in quarantine, I think I'll just quietly keep you all updated with hopefully a little optimism. I'm still here, still writing. Let's all keep each other company online here during this difficult time.**

_**I'm Afraid of What I'm Risking if I Follow You**_

**Chapter 6**

Elsa waited until she and Hans returned to the village before she could even properly _think_ about what he'd told her. He and his brothers had to know everything about Arendelle? What did he even mean by that? What did it mean for what had happened around her coronation?

And what did any of that have to do with how the spirits were responding to Hans?

So the silence wasn't so awkward on the way back to the village, Elsa allowed Hans to ride in front on the Nokk, as long as he took it slow. The idea alone was enough for him to forget about what he just revealed and focus on riding, and on the way home, Elsa could _think_ a little more.

The Nokk seemed to want to ride faster with Hans in front (traitor), but Elsa made sure to tap (kick) the back of Hans's calves to keep him in check. Her hands clutched to the fabric of his tunic to avoid touching him as much as she could, trying to forget the warm feel of his hands on her waist from earlier.

Had he been prepping for Arendelle? Did he just _know_ who she and Anna were when he arrived? Into what kind of memories did she need to look?

The Nokk turned his head, as did Hans, and they paused for a moment so Hans could calm him down and _not_ follow, where Elsa presumed, the voice was calling. Damn. She needed to speed up... whatever she was doing.

Hans echoed the voice, and the Nokk tilted his head in approval, making him chuckle.

He turned back to Elsa. "Come on, sing, too. He likes it," he goaded.

"Oh no, I couldn't," Elsa declined politely. "Besides, I don't hear the voice."

"I won't move until you do," he pressed, his smile smug. Elsa wished she could blast it right off his face. But he sang again, and looked back at her, expectantly.

Sighing, Elsa gave in, echoing Hans. Again, the Nokk tilted his head.

"He thinks we're headed toward Ah... toward the voice." Okay, no, she didn't tell Hans about Ahtohallan, or what it was just yet. And she didn't know how to bring it up, because there was no way he'd stick around the Northuldra for another moment if he knew about it. She nudged (kicked) him again. "Come on, it's starting to get a little dark."

"Fine, fine." Hans urged the Nokk on again, and they slowly made their way back to the village. "But I'm going to sing the whole time, and you're just going to either have to deal, or sing along."

Elsa sang along, only so she didn't have to accept the fact that Hans had a nice voice, and she liked hearing it.

* * *

Once back at the village, with dinner well underway, Elsa returned the Nokk back to the water, much to his and Hans's chagrin. But she couldn't keep him from his element, and there was at least that understanding (as well as the understanding that Hans should bow at the Nokk's departure). While he settled in, she went to find Yelena, but ran into Honeymaren instead.

"Have you seen Yelena?" she asked. Yelena might know something about Hans's knowledge about Arendelle.

Honeymaren shook her head. "Probably out scouting," she replied. "But you know she'll check in on the golden boy once she comes back."

Elsa hummed, to keep herself from scoffing. "I wanted to talk to her _alone_, but we'll see how that goes."

Sensing her concern, Honeymaren placed a hand on Elsa's shoulder. "What is it?"

Elsa considered telling her for a moment, but this was something she should probably keep silent. Only Yelena could know, so that if this ended up being more serious, it'd be contained, at least. So she shook her head instead. "What do _you_ think about Hans?"

The question legitimately shocked Honeymaren; it was the first time Elsa had actually _asked_ anyone what they thought of him without her constantly reminding them what had happened in Arendelle. "I... try to be cautious about him, from what you've told me," she said slowly. "He's smart. Almost too smart for anyone's good, like he's trying to dance around all his thoughts, and really thinks about what he's going to say or do."

"Do you trust him?"

"About as far as I can throw him." Honeymaren crossed her arms. "Sure, he's charming, but can only get you so far. I have no idea what the spirits want from him, to answer your real question."

Elsa sighed. "Nothing gets past you, does it?"

"Nope." Ryder signaled from his hut, beckoning his sister over. She nodded in acknowledgement. "But I don't think he's dangerous—at least, not anymore. If he was, he would have tried something a _long_ time ago."

"And you would have killed him."

"Damn right." With that, Honeymaren left to help Ryder, no doubt with wrangling in the rest of the reindeer for the evening. All right, so that didn't help much, especially with Hans helping the village elders get their portions of stew before he even _considered_ taking a bite himself. The saint act seemed so disingenuous, and yet... Elsa _knew_ it wasn't. She'd _seen_ it. And even now, she could see the warmth in his eyes, the authentic smile he wore, glad to do what he could around the village. Sighing, she leaned against the post of her hut, arms crossed tight over her chest. Hans knew about secrets of Arendelle's past, and yet... he had no idea about her powers, or that the spirits even existed.

"You've been spending an awful lot of time staring." Elsa jumped at the sound of Yelena's voice. She always seemed to come out of nowhere.

Instead of answering her quip, Elsa changed the subject. "Hans knew about the dam," she said. "There are no history books on Arendelle that have ever mentioned it."

"Impossible." Yelena's eyes slit. "He didn't know about the elemental symbols, when I first showed them to him. And yet, he knows this integral part of our history." She placed a hand on Elsa's arm. "You need to take him to Ahtohallan soon—I noticed you've never even mentioned it around him."

Elsa shook her head. "I'll get around to it," she answered stubbornly.

"It's not _your_ sole place. Your powers originated there, yes, but it was not only meant for you."

The harsh truth stung. Elsa swallowed thickly, crossing her arms tighter. "He can't go now. He's not ready—he's not _healed_ completely."

"_You're_ not ready," Yelena clarified. "You can hide behind his injury all you want, but if you don't let him know where the voice calls him, I just might."

It just wasn't fair. Elsa could feel the tears prick her eyes, but she held them back. She'd take Anna or Kristoff, or hell, even Olaf or Honeymaren to Ahtohallan in a heartbeat... but Hans? She still couldn't fathom it—it brought this sinking, awful feeling to her stomach. And now she _had_ to?

As they settled in her hut for the evening, Elsa tried to keep her breaths deep, her emotions calm. She could feel her powers just wanting to lash out for all this pressure: from Yelena on her, from Hans, from herself. She pushed the lantern kept neatly in their space closer to him.

"You've been awfully quiet after I mentioned the dam," Hans pointed out, stripping out of his tunic.

"Do you always have to sleep shirtless?" she sighed, pulling her knees up to her chest.

"It's more comfortable with the injury," he explained, turning to fold his tunic neatly.

Elsa slit her eyes; she never realized she hardly even looked at his back. Above his bandage wrappings, a long gash and some... tattoo seemed to peek out. "What's that?" She leaned forward, almost daring to crawl over by his side.

"Hm?" Hans looked behind to realize Elsa had been staring. "Oh, that's a pretty long story. You sure you want to hear it now?"

She nodded. "Anything you tell me could be a clue to this mystery." Maybe it had something to do with what he knew about the dam, about Arendelle. Far fetched as that might seem. "Maybe it's not just the time for me searching through all these memories blindly. We should... talk."

He shrugged. "You asked for it." Hans let his hair down from the ponytail. "I honestly didn't spend a lot of time in the Southern Isles when I returned—maybe about a year in the world's biggest prison before I stowed away. The other two and a half years I spent traveling, taking odd jobs. Become invisible, like I always had been."

All right. Fine. Elsa scooted closer, so she could get a better look at his back. "I know you kind of mentioned how awful the Southern Isles were, but I'd... like a better picture. When you were a child."

"You saw how I hardly had anyone to talk to, outside a stuffed dog, my horse, and the cook, when she wasn't busy." Hans rolled his neck. "I'd go down to the docks to think, because no one would follow me—or _need_ me—but I'd watch those ships leave and just think, 'God, I can't wait until the day I get off these damn islands.'"

"Surely _someone_ must have known you were missing, especially as a child." Father _always_ made sure he knew where Anna and Elsa were, even before the gates had been closed to the castle.

"Please," he scoffed. "I was lucky if I was remembered at the _dinner table_. And when I was, my brothers would pinch me just to get a rise, or tease me."

"What about your parents?"

"_Please_," he repeated. "My mother might show a bit of sympathy every once in a while, but never in front of my father. They hardly seemed to care, after twelve other sons."

"Twelve pregnancies?"

"Oh, I couldn't imagine—no." He chuckled. "But she had quite a few. Once I figured I was being ignored, it was all the more easier to just... slip out of the palace and try to get as far away as I could."

"And then, when you heard about my coronation?"

"_Anything_ to get off the Isles. I asked about galas that needed dignitaries, christenings, weddings, even—but Arendelle had been the only break because at that point, all my other brothers had been married off, my eldest brother running the kingdom. I was finally of age, I suppose."

"Arendelle was your only shot, and the dignitaries practically _gave_ it to you after I..." Elsa couldn't believe how stupid she'd been, but with all the _pressure_... She waved a dismissive hand. "So you got off. And you've been wandering the globe for two and a half years?"

"The punishment had been staying under my brothers' watchful eyes—the ones still on the Isles, anyway. But yes, more or less. You know I just stowed away on a ship leaving port and never looked back."

Elsa wished she could see the environment more, the sharp rocks, the cold sea. The huge, looming castle that housed so many, yet felt more isolated than her years locked away in her room. "That still doesn't explain the gash. Or the tattoo. What did you do, join a pirate crew?"

"You know, one was. If you can believe it, this is _not_ the first time I'd been stranded from a crew, in the middle of nowhere—"

"The Northuldra tribe really isn't that far from Arendelle," she interrupted.

"Even still. There was a mutiny on one of the ships I sailed with, and in some absolutely _stupid_ move I abandoned ship in open water—but not before being slashed." Hans pointed to his back. "I didn't see an island in the distance, but I passed out and somehow I made it to land."

"And someone healed you like this? Rehabilitated you in this sort of environment?"

"It was a different sort of tribe, but yes," he clarified. "The island was... warm. Inviting. Almost like Arendelle, but somehow nicer. Nothing but gentle breezes, and the _greenery_—more than I'd ever seen in my life. And I'd never seen waters so calm and blue."

The way he talked about this island made it seem like he'd actually _found_ a place he might have belonged. "Why didn't you stay?" she asked, drawing her knees back up to her chest.

"There was a huge language barrier, in the beginning. Their new chief was this feisty girl, and I think she was scared of my hair, at least at first. No one on the island had light hair, or different colored eyes—and they all had tattoos, these pieces of intricate art."

Elsa couldn't help but smile at how animatedly he was telling his story, with his hands constantly moving, his grin genuine, his eyes bright. She rested her cheek against her knees.

"The chief really took this interest in me—always probing, always asking what I was doing or where I was going. I don't think she had a concept of personal space. She was just... always on the move: sailing, climbing, exploring, swimming. I'd never seen a girl act so free before, without all these social norms to follow."

"Sounds like you... _liked_ her," Elsa teased.

"Oh no, not like that," he assured, waving a hand. "She was far too young for me. But that's when I noticed all the men on the island grew out their hair—so I started to as well, and it just stuck. At least, she told me it looked nice. I taught her our language a bit, as well."

"How long were you there?"

"It's not like I kept track or anything, but... almost a year? I couldn't stay, though; I didn't belong there."

A _year_? A tribe that didn't judge Hans for his past and where he could start over? Elsa couldn't possibly imagine how _he_ would have left, if he was talking about his time there like it was the only time he'd ever been happy in his life. Nothing he'd told her so far had actually made him smile like this. Maybe he'd heard the voice then, and he just didn't realize it. "You keep saying that, but it couldn't be just because you looked different. What was it, the guilt of your past?"

"Oh, no, I eventually told them about Arendelle—but only because she kept probing me about my nightmares, and I didn't know how to lie in her language. No, I just... didn't feel like I belonged. Not like Arendelle, in the beginning. Or even here. On the island, there was always this looming cloud of me asking myself what I was doing there, why I kept prolonging my time. It's not like I could go back to the Southern Isles, but island life, fishing? That wasn't for me. So she taught me how her people sailed and—I thought I was running from my past, but then I found you again."

Elsa reached over and grabbed the lantern, holding it up to Hans. "I want to see her," she said. "The chief you keep talking so fondly about."

Hans pointed to his back again. "The methods they used to heal my back were a lot like what the Northuldra are doing now. And she designed my tattoo herself. Each piece on a person apparently represents something about them."

"What was hers?" They had to pass the time until she could _get_ the memory from him. But talking to Hans, in this intimate element... she _liked_ it. She liked hearing this story, and wanted more. Wanted to _see_ it all unfold, at some point. Because there was only so much she could hear from these stories before she wanted the visuals.

This story, she would later realize, distracted her completely from asking about Arendelle, or the dam.

"She had a turtle," he said, leaning in. "The fin was on her shoulder so ever time she moved, it looked like the turtle was swimming. And she said she chose the turtle as her spirit animal because... they're born on land, but always return to the sea—and she _loved_ the sea." There was that fond smile again. "She mentioned as a child, she saved one from being eaten, and escorted him all the way into the water. After getting to know her, the turtle was very fitting."

Elsa peered over to Hans's back, but other than a few black lines, she couldn't make out what his animal was. "And yours?"

"She chose a crab. Said something about how they're a little duplicitous—" Elsa couldn't help but snort at that— "but under the hardened shell, there's something soft inside. Or something along those lines."

She'd probably see it, once the bandage came off permanently. Once Hans was ready, though, they both assumed their usual positions: Elsa's hands on his face, forehead pressed to his. So terribly intimate, but it had been the _only_ way to get Hans to show Elsa the memories she wanted to see. It was getting easier, though—she didn't have to beg for her powers to come forefront out loud now that the feeling was so familiar.

When it appeared, Elsa gazed upon the girl leaning over Hans with that genuine curiosity in her eyes. She was just as close to him as Elsa was just now, sitting with him. She imagined her dark, wild hair. This girl was... beautiful. But definitely young, like Hans had mentioned.

"_Moana_," she said, pointing at herself. And then she pointed to Hans, saying his name.

"That's how you learned names?" Elsa asked, shifting to get a closer look at this chief. She'd never seen anyone with such exposed skin in a public setting, curls unkempt. The flower in her hair was nothing Elsa had ever seen before. Her fingers grazed the fin of the tattoo on the back of her shoulder, wishing her hair didn't cover the rest of the turtle Hans had described.

Seeing her again, even in this setting, made Hans grin. "That's... _her_," he said, almost breathlessly, then turned to Elsa. "I know Ryder mentioned it before, but you _are_ incredible. I didn't think I'd ever see a likeness of her again. Thank you."

It was like when Elsa had seen the memory of her mother saving her father—the pure, utter joy at the prospect of being closer to her loved ones.

Ahtohallan would show him all of that again. Of this Moana. And Elsa could finally _see_ his time there, and _see_ just how his brothers had treated him as a child.

"_It's not your sole place_," Yelena's voice repeated in her head.

The moment was getting too close to comfort. Elsa could feel a flush rush up her neck, and she lowered the lantern. Bruni had gone... well, who knew where, but for once, she could look upon one of his memories without the fear of it melting in moments. "We should... go to bed. It's late."

"Oh." In all the excitement, Hans hadn't realized how long he'd gone on for talking. "You're right."

Elsa moved back to her side of the hut. "Thank you, though. For telling me all of that." What that meant for the voice, she wouldn't know, but when he fell asleep, she needed to process. Her mind moved too quickly—she had to find her notes.

"I... never told anyone about Moana, until now," he admitted. "I didn't want anyone pressing me about where she was from."

"You trust me?" she asked, now her voice breathless.

"I... do." It was like saying it out loud actually solidified his feelings. "Because if you wanted to take me down at this point, you would have done so already."

"Only because you haven't tried anything." Now that was more of a reminder for herself. This was _Hans_. And there had to be some missing link between the Hans who had tried to murder her, and the Hans who spoke so fondly about the chief of an island that he didn't try to pursue.

Hans just hummed, finally laying down. "Good night." He usually said that, Elsa realized, and yet she still had never wished him the same.

She still didn't tonight. Instead, she grabbed her journal and sketched out the memory she'd conjured (albeit terribly; she wasn't much of an artist), once she _knew_ Hans had fallen asleep. She wrote about the ride with the Nokk, about how Hans knew about that dam (and at this point, remembered she _still_ hadn't asked about Arendelle! Damn!), about how easily the Nokk had bonded with him. She wrote about the island, and what she imagined it to be like with all its colors, its colorful people and all the tattoos they might have worn, as symbols of their personalities. Looking at the memory, she added,

"_The way he spoke about Moana—the chief from the island—is with more fondness than I've ever heard him speak about anyone. More than Anna, indeed. More than his own mother, even. Something about this girl and how they bonded must have changed him... maybe for the better? But whatever it was, it was enough for Hans to realize that even though she technically held power in her position, in her influence, he turned down the opportunity to stay with her and help her run the island_. _He turned down the opportunity to try and be a king again, with this blank slate_. _But what does this have to do with Arendelle? What does this have to do with __the voice and the spirits__?_"

She didn't know how long she'd been up writing, but just as she was about to dim their lantern, she _finally_ heard him stir. And toss. And while his voice was incomprehensible, Elsa knew a nightmare when she heard it. Sometimes she'd dream about that fateful day with Anna, and she struck her heart instead of her head before she knew what it'd _actually_ do to her sister. She'd finally wake with ice surrounding the room, and her unable to stop the fear until she'd pinch herself enough to say it was a dream.

Sometimes Mother braved the cold, and sang the special lullaby. It was usually the only thing that could calm her down enough.

She wondered what Hans's nightmares were about, if it was just one terrible memory or several coming back to haunt him. But Elsa couldn't sleep if he kept this up, and usually she was so tired that she knocked out heavily.

Sighing, she crawled over to Hans and shook him gently by this shoulder. "Hans," she uttered, trying to keep her voice calm and quiet.

Nothing. He tossed again, letting out a groan.

Ugh. She hated touching his face, but Elsa grabbed it, much like she would for their sessions. "_Hans_," she said again, this time with a little more force.

That got him up, and he flinched as he realized that she was _right there_. "Elsa..." he said, as if to solidify that he was, indeed, awake. She could see his neck bob as he swallowed. "Sorry, I—"

"It's fine," she assured lowly. She didn't let go of his face, fearing he might fall too hard back against his pillow. "I used to have nightmares like this, too."

He sighed. "I still haven't outgrown mine, it seems."

"How do you usually fall back asleep?"

From her angle, it looked like he was trying to shrug. "Just... wait until I doze off. And then it'll likely happen again. It has been lately, anyway."

Should she...? Elsa closed her eyes, contemplating. But maybe it would actually help. When Mother sang, Elsa was asleep in mere _moments_. Even sooner with Anna.

"Okay, come here," she said quickly, sounding like she was snapping, as much as one could in a quiet voice. She helped Hans lean back on his pillow, and she made herself comfortable beside him, a hand on his shoulder. As minimal contact as possible. "I want to try something."

"You know, every time you say that, I'm just going to agree," he said. "You've yet to be wrong."

Elsa fought the urge to roll her eyes. With a hesitant pinky, she gently brushed it down the bridge of his nose and started to sing. "_Where the North wind meets the sea, there's a river full of memory. Sleep—_"

She hesitated. Hans wasn't her darling. What was she supposed to say in the song if she didn't believe it? She didn't _want_ to call him that.

To her eternal surprise, he replied, "_Sleep, my darling, safe and sound_..."

No. _No_. That was _her_ lullaby. That was what _her_ mother sang to calm her down. And he was in tune. He _knew_ the song. First the dam, and now _this_?

Did he already know about Ahtohallan?

"Elsa?" Hans opened an eye, confused. "What, did you forget the lyrics?"

She couldn't keep him up with pestering questions. Not in this state. Her hand shook as she tried to continue, her voice just as uncertain, _especially_ when he murmured along. But it was working. She could hear his voice getting more distant, his breathing deeper. Her gaze was distant, trying to focus on anything but Hans. But his voice haunted her, so sure and in tune. This wasn't something he was hearing for the first time.

A tear she couldn't control ran down her cheek—this intimate memory of her mother now seemed tainted and unclean. Honeymaren and the rest of the Northuldra were allowed to know it; it was their lullaby first. But _Hans_?

Elsa couldn't sleep after that, her mind racing as it was plagued with more questions and no answers in sight.

**Did I just hint at a prequel fic I had planned out years ago? I think I might have, I won't lie. **

**As per usual, comments and kudos are always greatly appreciated, especially during this time! Your support means the universe to me.**


	7. Chapter 7

**So quarantine has been pretty interesting so far (especially for you guys following me on tumblr-WHOOPS, I think I got pretty distracted there by a certain campaign and hashtag), but is that going to stop my posting schedule? No. I'm honestly surprised at how well the last chapter was received, and I promise it's all leading somewhere I have planned. But look, more bonding and plot!**

_**I'm Afraid of What I'm Risking if I Follow You**_

**Chapter 7**

"I don't know if he knows about Ahtohallan, but he knows the song," Elsa told Yelena, her arms crossed tight over her chest. "He sang it perfectly."

The children of the village ran around in the small snow bank Elsa made for them, trying to goad Hans into helping them build an Olaf-like snowman. He had this weakness around all the kids, letting them pull him around however they wanted, answering their questions thoughtfully without talking down to them. He even had suggestions on how to make their creation bigger, making a face for them to imitate on the snowman. And every time Bruni dared to dart off his shoulder, try to melt the snow, Hans made a point to grab him and give him a friendly scold, before placing him back on his broad shoulder.

"He knows nothing of the elements until now, nor of Ahtohallan except a vague song..." Yelena stroked her chin, contemplating. "And he has only been to Arendelle once, for your coronation?"

"Yes," Elsa replied. "It makes no sense... unless you know of someone from the Northuldra who left for the Southern Isles?"

"Not to my knowledge," Yelena said, shaking her head. "Your mother, as far as I know, was one of the only people from our tribe to leave permanently. And even then, it started out as her making sure your father was safe, after the conflict. It wasn't like she knew she couldn't return because of the mist."

There was a connection, Elsa knew that much now. To what, she wasn't even sure Hans knew. But with every passing day, he was wincing less, moving more. She could let him bathe privately without worrying about if he would try anything (especially after Honeymaren's assurance that he certainly wouldn't be alive if he did).

He said he trusted her.

It was time for him to learn about Ahtohallan.

It was also time Anna knew about Hans's return, even if the last thing Elsa wanted was to get her busy sister involved. But she knew the power of secrets held in, how much they could eat at you; hell, she'd kept her powers a secret for thirteen years, and with each day, she could feel it eating away at her morale more and more.

This was going to put her in a similar situation, if she kept it in any longer.

But she was not going to _involve_ Anna, simply _inform_ her.

"I need to do something, before I tell Hans about Ahtohallan—which I'm _going_ to do today," Elsa announced. "And if I don't, at that point, you're allowed to tell him."

"Deal." Yelena smirked. "And Honeymaren told me about what she's observed, by the way. _No_, I don't want to kick you out of the tribe, but you weren't meant to stay put for this long—you were meant to be free."

"I _am_ free," Elsa countered, brows furrowing. "I'm freer than I've ever been in my life."

"You tell yourself that now," said Yelena, shaking her head, "but you just built yourself another cage, albeit a bigger one. And maybe your father put you in one in the first place, but ever since then, you've just managed to just build another one wherever you go, whether it be here, or the North Mountain..."

But Elsa wouldn't hear any more of it. She stormed past Yelena into the hut, watching Hans be damned.

She needed to write to Anna. Anna knew she was free.

Elsa huffed as she sat, wrenching out her journal from under her blankets and writing furiously; something, _anything_ that could help her process. Because Yelena was wrong. She _needed_ to be here, to learn about her mother's roots and culture. Hans just needed to rehabilitate, learn the secrets of his past, and then he'd be on his merry way out of her life forever.

"_She doesn't know what she's talking about_," Elsa scribbled. "_I feel so connected to Mother, and this is what I was meant to do with my life_."

As she wrote that, though, she realized she couldn't see where she'd be ten years down the line. Five. Hell, even one. In Arendelle, there had always been that clear path she'd been preparing for all her life: the role of Queen (and look how well that turned out—freezing her entire kingdom before realizing years down the road that Anna was far more suited for the role as the people's advocate). Here, there had been finding the elements, yes, but now that she could communicate with them, could understand the Northuldra better and feel her mother's guiding spirit wherever she went, well... what now?

"_I'm going to prove Yelena wrong._" She underlined that several times.

That was enough catharsis to start her letter to Anna—and it might take a few attempts before she had the right wording.

The first attempt had been too casual, the second got straight to the point too fast. Elsa tore up her attempts, crumbling them up afterward.

Middle ground. She could do this.

_ My dearest Anna,_

_ I hope this letter finds you well—I know we haven't talked since you were preparing for your voyage, and while Corona isn't that terrible a trip, I imagine everything going into it must have been exciting and busy. We owe them that much, given their princess and prince were stuck in Arendelle during my coronation. I hope your trip went well, and that relations between our two kingdoms will continue to flourish._

_ I also hope Kristoff, Sven, and Olaf are doing well, too. Did they like Corona? Did Olaf like how warm it was out there? Did Kristoff and Eugene get along well?_

_ But I'm not only writing to just play catch up—much as I'd like to visit the moment you return. I'm making sure you read this letter once you're back in Arendelle, settled in first, because you might want to sit down for this next part._

_ Hans is back._

_ He ran away from his sentence on the Southern Isles over two years ago, and has freed himself from being a prince. The Northuldra found him injured outside the forest, and they've been nursing him back to health since. Don't worry, I've been observing him __very__ closely, and luckily, he hasn't tried anything._

_ But he hears the voice, Anna, and right now, I don't. Not only that, but he doesn't react to any of the spirits. Bruni sits on his shoulder on a near regular basis without burning him, Gale can't even rustle his hair (and his hair is long enough to tie back now—how strange is that?), and the Nokk can't touch him unless I've covered the water in frost first. _

_ To add more to this mystery, he knew about the dam, when even we were only taught about it from stories, and have never seen its mention in any history books on Arendelle—yet he had no idea about the spirits._

_ He also knows Mother's lullaby. But I don't know if he knows Ahtohallan even exists, or what the song means. These are mysteries that unfortunately I have yet to uncover, given Hans probably still doesn't have the strength to cross the Dark Sea just yet. But the moment I do, he's out of here, I promise. We'll go back to the way things were, and I'll make sure we never cross paths with him again. _

_ I can't bring him back to the Southern Isles; it's clear his brothers won't care enough and will just allow him to escape again. It's also painfully clear, after a few years and from what I've gathered, the last thing Hans wants now is to usurp a throne. I think he just wants closure, and escape from his home._

_ I don't owe him an explanation, or even my help, but I can feel from the spirits that this is the right thing to do. Please trust that this isn't like when the spirits called me—I know what we're dealing with now, and with how slowly progress has been going with Hans's injury, I know how to work around him. Your job in Arendelle is far more important than this, and that's where I need you. You're a Queen first. And a Queen looks out for her people before her sister, so please don't follow me—I will update you as I uncover more. And please don't send Kristoff. I can handle Hans. No longer is he the dangerous monster I once thought him for hurting you. _

_ But don't worry, I've still yet to forgive him, and probably never will._

_ I'll uncover this mystery, and before long, we'll be playing charades again in Arendelle. I can't wait to see you until then._

_All my love,_

_Elsa_

She read her letter, fixed a few mistakes. Then she reread it, made sure she made it clear to Anna that she couldn't directly involve her sister in this. Being Queen meant taking care of the people first, and she'd been away from them for quite some time in Corona. When she visited, she'd seen Anna mature so quickly, more so than in the three years they kept the gates open.

But one could never be too sure.

When she exited the hut, she could just _feel_ Hans's gaze on her, confused given this was the most time they'd ever spent apart. But she snuck out to the river, sighing as she folded her letter into the small bird. Then she whistled for Gale.

When she felt the wind blowing through her hair, Elsa held up her letter. "Hi, Gale. Do you mind delivering this to Arendelle palace for my sister when she returns?"

Gale swept up the letter, but lingered for a moment. Good.

"And Gale... if she protests, if she starts coming after me—you _have_ to keep her away by any means necessary. _Please_?"

It wasn't like Gale could answer, but Elsa could tell that there was an agreement between the two of them.

"Thank you," she murmured, and Gale was off. She kept watching until she could no longer see the wind over the horizon.

A hand on her shoulder made her jump; she'd been so concentrated, and in retaliation, ice shot out onto the river's edge.

"Whoa, I didn't mean to sneak up on you." Hans pulled his hand back quickly, taking a step back. "Yelena mentioned something about you needing a bit of space."

Normally Elsa would be angered by him assuming he could touch her, but with the ride on the Nokk, and getting intimate to him with his memories... she hated to admit it, but they _were_ growing closer, and part of it was of her own volition.

"No, it's..." Elsa sighed, retracting the ice as quickly as she had formed it. "I was going to head back to talk to you, anyway."

"Let's talk here," he suggested, sitting on the edge. There they were, same as their first private talk, with Hans taking off his boots.

Elsa sat closer than before, rolling her pants up to her knees. She lazily kicked up a few droplets of water. Should she just... start to talk? Mention it out of the blue? Demand to know where he'd heard the song before? How was she supposed to begin?

"You know, it always astounds me that you have such control over your powers, and just _how much_ they can actually do," he said, starting off the conversation. "I mean, controlling ice is one thing, but then your palace? Fabric manipulation? _Memory_ sharing? I never would have guessed ice could do... most of those things."

How was she supposed to respond to that? This was _Hans_. "You carried me down the North Mountain, didn't you?" she asked instead. "Because you were the only one who wasn't afraid."

"I did." Obviously he wouldn't deny it; there was nothing to gain through lying here. "I was surprised by how _warm_ you were, even though everything else was freezing. It must have been the adrenaline rush—you're still human, after all. And surprisingly light."

Elsa snorted. "Why, because ice is so heavy?"

"I don't know what I was thinking, other than wondering how you could make something so amazing, and be so powerful, yet—the fear. And obviously that's no longer the case."

"Didn't we talk about this already?" Elsa chuckled.

Bruni scurried from behind a rock, leaping over Elsa's lap so he could settle with Hans. Hans opted to hold him in his hands, as if that would help him try to _feel_ something. "We did," he sighed. "I was just... being a bit more introspective."

"Ah." They sat in silence for a few moments. Instead of it being uncomfortable, like it would have been just a few weeks ago, with Elsa seething, this was... calm, especially with the river gently swaying along.

"So..." She decided to break the silence. "Where did you learn that lullaby? The one I sang to you?"

Hans shrugged. "I think I've always known it—I hadn't heard it in a long time until you started singing it, and it unlocked this... memory I'd forgotten about."

Well, that didn't really help. "Do you know what it's about?"

Hans shook his head. "I'd never really thought about it, to be honest. I always thought it was something of a fairy tale—you know, the cautious ones that warned children to stay away from water?"

"I suppose I could see it that way." Hans mentioned how great her powers were; she could give visuals. "But it's not just a cautionary tale about water: it's about a place."

"A place?" he repeated. "It exists?"

"I'll try to give visuals, but '_there's a river full of memory_'? It's quite _literally _a place where you can delve into the past, and look on your life like it's happening right before you." Elsa created her model Ahtohallan, hopefully replicating its proud peaks. "The magic there is so powerful, you can see memories from not only _your_ past, but your ancestors', as well."

Hans only got a brief glance before Bruni, predictably, leapt right in. "And... you've been to this river—this place."

"_Once_," said Elsa. "It's dangerous to get to, and that's why I've been putting off telling you for this long. My parents _died_ trying to find Ahtohallan through the Dark Sea." She conjured up the rocky shore and waves, wishing she could imitate the booming thunder. "The Nokk almost killed me before I tamed him."

"It looks a lot like the Southern Isles," Hans said lowly, taking in as much as he could before Bruni added it to his melted pile. By this point they had turned away from the river, looking on as Elsa continued to lay the scene.

This was comparable to the shores of the Southern Isles? This rocky shoreline, this unfriendly wind? Elsa wondered if the thunder was a characteristic, too.

"Conjuring memories is a new power of mine, but in Ahtohallan, the magic there is so powerful that all the secrets of your past can be revealed in an instant. It's where _my_ powers originated." She wished he could see the Northern Lights leading there, how beautifully colors shone like nothing could touch them. "That's where the voice called me, and I think that's where it's calling you."

Hans's eyes widened. "_She will sing to those who hear_," he sang, "_and in her song, all magic flows_."

Elsa nodded. "The song is about the voice and about Ahtohallan. It's a song that comes from the Northuldra."

"But then..."

"How would you know it?" Elsa finished. "I don't know. Maybe that's why the spirits can't affect you."

"But I've never been here," Hans pointed out. "I've never seen any of this before, and yet—"

"You knew about the dam. Even _I_ didn't know the dam existed until I saw it in person. What I found in Ahtohallan was that my grandfather had the dam built as a ruse to overthrow the Northuldra, and the whole forest was surrounded in mist. Anna had the Earth Giants destroy it. But none of that information is privy in _any_ history book on Arendelle—it was just a story my father had told me."

Hans inclined closer, out of pure confusion. "I noticed that, too, when I read up on Arendelle, especially during those refresher lessons before your coronation. There had been no mention of the dam in any of its history."

Elsa couldn't help but incline closer, as well, not even noticing that their hands were dangerously close to brushing. "_That's_ why I have to bring you to Ahtohallan," she announced. As she said the words out loud, she could feel her heart pounding, the pure belief in every word. With this mystery only thickening, she _needed_ those answers now. "I could try and bring up all your memories, but it would only take up too much time with the methods we're using. We need to see if that's where the voice is truly calling you."

Hans pointed to his abdomen. "What about this?"

"When you're healed," she assured. "I have to make sure you won't, well... _die_ on the way there. Or _while_ we're there."

"While?" he repeated. "God, listen to me—I sound broken."

"It's made out of ice, for one thing, so the _cold_ might kill you," she said. "Not to mention, if you dive too deep into Ahtohallan... you'll freeze to death trying to uncover every secret. _I_ froze down there—only Anna was able to reverse it by righting the wrongs of the past."

"So... something in my past—that I have no idea _what_ it is or _how_ to reverse it—is what's making me immune to the spirits?"

Elsa nodded. "That's the theory, anyway. Hopefully we can figure out what it is before risking either of our lives trying to find it."

"Ahtohallan," said Hans, this glimmer of hope in his eyes Elsa had honestly never seen before.

"_But can you brave what you most fear?_" she sang. "_Can you face what the river knows_?"

"Is the memory supposed to be... painful?" he asked.

"Ahtohallan is a lot of things: beautiful, ethereal, powerful. But what I had to face was more external—your case might be different. It might be... something far more personal."

After a moment, he continued, "_Until the river's finally crossed, you'll never feel the solid ground_."

And then, together, "_You have to get a little lost on your way to being found_."

It was a message, a warning. It was like diving down was _always_ part of the process. But Elsa would be damned if she ever had to go down there again—she couldn't. She'd never been cold before, and she never wanted to feel that after braving Ahtohallan. She and Hans would find a way around that.

"You should be healed up in less than a fortnight," Elsa predicted. "Once you feel comfortable to really ride the Nokk, I'll guide you there."

"But how did you know?" Hans asked.

"Know what?"

"That Ahtohallan was where your powers originated."

She had to really think about that. Elsa shifted, unintentionally closer to Hans. "I... don't think I can explain it," she said slowly. "Once I arrived, I just _knew_. The walls moved for me. I was able to sing with the voice, and let it take me over. I... _transformed_ with it. The powers of Ahtohallan are a gift that I'm lucky enough to conjure—and ice and snow just happen to be part of it, as the fifth spirit. That probably didn't make sense, but..."

"I think I get it," he said, ducking his head down so he could meet her gaze. "You had a semblance of showing that power in your palace—even if you weren't aware of it then."

Elsa had never had to explain herself to anyone like this before—Anna had always just accepted her as she'd always been, and her parents never had the chance to tell her what she really was. Hearing it from Hans, this outsider... why did that make her heart swell with gratitude? Why did she like hearing it from _him_?

"You're more than human," he continued. "You're an _extension_ of Ahtohallan."

"A gift," she whispered, reminiscing on how her parents had described her powers before the incident with Anna.

But was that gift meant for anything outside of the Northuldra? She couldn't see it.

She and Hans were practically touching. Their faces were so close that she could see the flecks of gold in those green eyes, how delicate his freckles were. Clearing her throat, Elsa sat back, shifting to put her slippers back on. "Yelena's been threatening me to tell you about it for a while," she admitted. "I was afraid you knowing about it would have you wanting to set off on the adventure before you were healed." At least, that was the reasoning she felt comfortable with saying aloud. But there was no doubt about it: she _had_ to share Ahtohallan with him.

"You're not wrong," he admitted. "Moana had to practically wrestle me down to keep me from exploring."

Maybe Elsa would see more of her. "Then I suppose I made the right call."

"Ahtohallan seems rather... personal to you," he observed. "You're fine with me going there?"

"It's not my decision." If she could say it out loud, she could do it. She could believe it. "If the voice calls you there, that's where you have to go."

He could only nod, at that point. There was so much to prepare: rehabilitation, making sure Hans was bundled up enough, more rides on the Nokk...

And then Elsa realized, there was one more thing she had to ask. "Hans?"

"Hm?" He started to pull on his boots. Bruni got bored with the puddles he made, running back to Hans with boundless energy.

"Who... told you about the dam?" It had to have come from a person, if there was no written record that hadn't already been destroyed.

"Well, I don't remember if she was the one who exposed me to the song, but she certainly told me about the dam—_assured_ me that no matter what I read, it existed."

"_Who_?" Elsa pressed.

Hans just blinked, realizing he hadn't been specific. "My mother."

**I promise, this has a point. I'm sorry I end on so many cliffhangers.**

**I love hearing your thoughts! Comments and kudos are always appreciated, especially while I'm bored here in quarantine.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hoooo boy we're gonna get some major plot here. I know if you follow my other socials I seem to be preoccupied with... other projects and priorities, but I assure you, I came this far and I'm not going to give up now (esp given I have no excuse here in quarantine)! Also, this one is going to feel a lot less filler and a lot more plot-propelling, which I'm sure you'll love. I know I had fun writing it!**

_**I'm Afraid of What I'm Risking if I Follow You**_

**Chapter 8**

Once word got out around the village that Hans knew of Ahtohallan and that he and Elsa were preparing for travel, the vibe around the community quickly changed. All of a sudden, it was preparing for the warmth and teaching Hans about what to expect. Songs became more frequent, the villagers often goading Hans to sing with them. Elsa noted that a few of the girls would look up to him with awe in their eyes whenever he opened his mouth, and she hated that it made her cheeks flush.

Yelena started to take more measures to heal Hans, as well. The medicines and aloe remedies came more frequently, like the sooner he got into rehabilitation, the sooner they could go.

With the fall months coming up, Elsa realized it'd been almost a year since she'd joined the Northuldra. A year since she'd been to Ahtohallan. She wondered if the memories she'd been shown were still there, frozen in time. Replaying her past as she started to pave her future.

She wondered what Hans would think, if or when he saw them. Her whole life, open to him as his would open to her.

But now the underlying question remained: how would they get to Ahtohallan and cross the Dark Sea if Hans couldn't interact with the Nokk in his true form? Elsa started drawing crude maps in her journal, her mother's scarf wrapped around her shoulders as she ripped up plans and wondered just _how_ one could cross the sea as a mere human. Her parents _died_ in a fully stocked ship trying to find it.

Maybe if they took the sea the whole time and Elsa kept creating ice, she could create a path... but what about when the waves started getting too high? What would happen if she let go of the Nokk and Hans couldn't hold on?

Perhaps the best approach was to take the land route as much as possible, and then conquer the last leg of the journey on the Dark Sea, like she'd done before.

But that last time, it was just her. She didn't have to worry about Anna or Olaf, or anyone else she could potentially hurt. Strange—at the beginning of all of this, it didn't matter to her if Hans made it or not.

Now, she _had_ to know the secrets of his past. She _had_ to see this through, and Hans had to be with her, whether or not she liked it.

Frowning, Elsa realized that might not work, either—she'd been able to use her powers to create the path, to conquer the waves. And even then, the water had felt just like that: water. It wasn't freezing, like she suspected it could have been to others.

Then again, they were coming up on the end of summer, the warmest time of the year. They might just luck out here.

Still, Elsa didn't think Hans could handle the waves, much less on the back of the Nokk. And _definitely_ much less after recovering from an injury, no matter how much holistic healing Yelena wanted to use on him.

Elsa let out a frustrated cry, crumbling up another plan.

Of course, that's when Hans decided to walk into the hut, Bruni perched on his shoulder. "What's wrong?" he asked, but his tone was playful.

"This trek to Ahtohallan," she replied. "I have no idea how I'm going to get you there while keeping the Nokk in his frozen state without you dying in some way."

Hans sighed, coming in to sit beside her. They always seemed to be inching just a bit closer whenever they sat together now, and Elsa hated that she couldn't shift away without Hans drawing attention to it. "I've been trying to wrap my mind around it, as well," he admitted.

Bruni scurried from Elsa's shoulder to her crumbled papers, setting them ablaze. But unlike her snow, which would just melt, these flames would keep burning.

"Oh... _you_," she scolded as she quickly shot out ice to dull the fires. She had to refrain herself from calling him worse.

"I think I have an idea," said Hans, trying to get them back on track. Once Bruni was bored of running about the hut, he scrambled back up to Hans's shoulder.

"Trust me, I've had a million different ideas, and none of them have worked out so far." Elsa waved a dismissive hand; she could figure this out, she was sure. Hans should just focus on his rehabilitation.

"Well, have you considered this: I ride on the front of the Nokk," he suggested.

Elsa blinked; she honestly hadn't. She just figured she should, because she could create the reins. She trained him to trust her after their conflict. But, much as she didn't like the idea, it wasn't like any of her others were doing any good right now. "What's your plan?"

"It's going to sound crazed, from how I describe it. But the way you talk about the waves of the Dark Sea make me think of the Southern Isles, so I can try to picture it. We ride as far north on land as we can before crossing the last leg on sea."

"But I just considered that," Elsa pointed out. "What would make it different if you rode in front?"

"May I?" Hans held out his hands for Elsa to hand over her journal, realizing she'd made the mistake of not hiding it before he walked in. He wasn't going to try and look through all her thoughts, was he? She could always stop him, if he tried, she supposed. Very hesitantly, Elsa surrendered it to Hans after flipping to a blank page farther back.

Hans sketched out a crude drawing of them on the Nokk; it was nice to see he was as terrible an artist as she was. "I take this time to learn how to ride the Nokk up to full speed," he explained. "When we reach the Dark Sea, you can tether yourself to him with another rein you create so you can ride without your hands."

"Why do I have to keep my hands free?" she asked.

"So you can use your powers to part the sea until we reach calmer waters." He emphasized this with a little drawing of Elsa (was it Elsa, or just a blob with sticks?) holding the sea open.

Elsa's eyes widened. No, she hadn't considered anything as crazy as that, but that's because it was, well, _insane_. She couldn't part an entire sea—could she?

She thought to when she was released from Ahtohallan and saved the giant wave headed for Arendelle. That was a huge wall, sure, but could she keep up something like that for an entire final leg of a journey? It took quite a bit of time before the waters calmed on the Dark Sea.

"I don't know if I can," she admitted. "I don't know how long my powers can exert themselves for until they give out."

"Have you ever _tried_?" he asked, handing back the journal. Thankfully he didn't seem to have an interest for anything else she had tucked away in there. "You won't know until you do. If you let me ride, you can save all your energy for that final leg."

True, she hadn't been very tired after climbing the North Mountain; in fact, she built an entire castle atop it without a second thought, and hadn't found herself exhausted afterward. Were her powers truly limitless? Elsa looked down at her hands, contemplating.

With this plan, the water wouldn't touch Hans. Elsa wouldn't have to worry too much about navigation, given both he and the Nokk could hear the voice. If she and Hans could train properly for this... they might just make it.

"If we do this your way," she warned, "and in the end I can't hold on as much as I need to—there's a very real possibility you won't make it out of this alive."

To her surprise, Hans just shrugged in return. "I'm well aware," he said. "I've had time to think about it, and I need to see this through, no matter what it takes. There's nothing else out there for me until this is resolved."

Elsa could only blink in return. She shouldn't be surprised, given he seemed to wish for death before going back to the Southern Isles, but something hit a little differently when she realized he was willing to put his life in her hands, _just_ to get them to Ahtohallan. He was on the same page she was.

"Then we need to train," she decided, shedding the scarf. "I need to see how long I can exert my powers at their fullest and expand on that, and you need to learn how to ride the Nokk at full speed."

"We can't exactly do a real test run," he pointed out. "We can only see how we do in calmer waters."

Elsa sighed. "I know. We can probably practice where the dam used to be."

Hans looked down at Bruni. "Sorry, little guy. I think this trip might be a little too dangerous for you."

* * *

Once the bandages were off, and once the scarring didn't look too terrible (not that Elsa was _looking_, per se), Hans had this itching to get on the Nokk again. _And_ he kept having the urge to go at full speed the moment he was on his back, restraining only when Elsa threatened to take off his frost form so Hans would fall right through. They were starting at a trot for now; Elsa didn't care that Hans was a pretty expert rider.

"This is killing me, you realize," Hans deadpanned.

"Good," said Elsa, creating a tethered rein for herself. Maybe if it was tied like this around both hers and Hans's waists, it'd be okay. He said he wouldn't mind dealing with the cold, and in the context of this potentially life threatening adventure, it was far better to be safe than sorry.

And for Elsa, she had to bring herself deeper into the forest, further from Hans so she could try to see how far she could take her powers. She remembered having to stop Gale when they first met, how forcefully she'd had to restrain the wind spirit—and that still didn't tire her.

She thought about everything within herself that made her feel powerful. She thought about her confidence, how Hans had called her the extension of Ahtohallan, and how it would always be a part of her. She could feel the power in her core, and Elsa let it _burst_.

She kept it going. She could feel the trees knocking down, how, if she wanted, maybe she could even bring this back to the village. She started an eternal winter in Arendelle almost four years ago. _She could part the Dark Sea_.

She _would_ part the Dark Sea.

"Elsa!" cried Hans, even when he'd been told to stay away. She could hear his voice, distant, but present.

"Get back; I'm concentrating!" she cried in return, keeping her eyes shut.

"You need me with you!" he pointed out. "We're doing this together!"

Damn it, he was right. Frowning, Elsa drew herself back, stopping. The ice around them was jagged and incredible, knocking down quite a few of the trees in the process. She'd have to ask the Earth giants to fix that—and she withdrew all the ice, sending it back up the mountains.

"I _just_ started," she said. "Why are you trying to stop me?"

Hans looked about at all the trees. "You've been at this for quite some time," he said. "You don't even think about it."

"You think I can do this?" she asked.

"I know you can." Hans reached out a hand, but then refrained. Was he trying to reach for her before realizing their relationship was _not_ romantic? "Your powers might _actually_ be limitless."

Elsa looked down at her palms, not with the fear she used to have, but with love for how she might _actually_ be able to do this. She could bring Hans to Ahtohallan.

"I think they might be, too. Everything I've ever done, every power I've exerted from building the palace on the North Mountain to stopping a giant wave from hitting Arendelle, doesn't exhaust me." Was it Ahtohallan itself, keeping the power alive inside her? Was that how she drew all of her power in the first place, even if it all stemmed from her emotions?

"Next time, though, maybe we _don't_ practice on the trees?"

Oops.

* * *

Elsa didn't like having Hans in front on the Nokk. Maybe it was because she prefer she be in control of this entire journey, or because he could still hurt himself after _just_ being newly healed. Sure, he had finally worked his way up to full sprint without exerting himself too much, or hurting himself, but she still had cause to worry.

Maybe it was because, for the most part, she was going to have to hold onto him while they were in full sprint. The Nokk didn't exactly tire, either.

Elsa made her tethered reins for them, and while Hans admitted that it felt cold around his waist, safety was far more important.

They practiced on the bank near the dam. The waters were calm, sure, but Elsa would take any situation she could in order to feel even _slightly_ ready for the arduous journey ahead. Besides, she'd never tried to _part_ any sort of body of water. She sat behind Hans, hands perched and ready to go.

"Full speed," she ordered. "I need to see if I can even hold on."

"Alright," Hans agreed, and they were off.

Elsa held onto Hans just before they charged at the water, then suddenly shot her hands out, summoning her powers to hold the body of water open for them. The Nokk charged below, and...

It was working. They were riding quickly along the floor of the bank, Elsa concentrating at keeping the water parted with her ice wall. With the calm waters, her quick walls of ice stayed at bay, but Elsa figured the harsh waves of the Dark Sea might prove more difficult.

Hans laughed, because at this point it was the only thing he could do. "You're... doing it!"

"I am!" Even Elsa was amazed; she'd never seen her powers work like this before. Sure, it was difficult concentrating on this at the same time as staying onboard the Nokk, but her tether was tight enough to keep her grounded (and her heels dug into his sides).

Now... how were they going to get back up once she figured the waters were calmer?

"Duck!" she told Hans, an idea quickly forming.

Hans didn't question it; he ducked his head under the Nokk's and hoped they were still going straight. Elsa shot her hands above his head, fingers spread to let her powers spread as wide as they possibly could. Keep the wall up while making a ramp on the water, leading back up to the surface.

Once they were back above water, Elsa slumped forward, catching her breath. She didn't think about the fact that she was leaning against Hans.

"Did that exhaust you?" he asked.

Elsa cleared her throat, sitting back. "No," she said. "I'm surprised it... worked."

They started heading back toward the forest. At this point, they were probably going to leave in just a few days.

* * *

Yelena not only made sure Hans was physically fit enough, but made sure he had the proper clothing, borrowing a few pieces from Ryder. "You might freeze," she warned, not caring that Ryder's size was a bit larger than Hans's.

Honeymaren asked Elsa, "Are _you_ ready?" she asked. "Mentally, anyway; I know you can physically handle it."

"I don't know," Elsa answered honestly. Every villager wanted to give them wishes of good luck and safe travels, everyone in decent spirits now that they'd hear about Ahtohallan again. "I don't know how he's going to take it all or what we'll find."

Honeymaren shrugged. "Who knows. But you're getting soft on him."

"I just need to get him where he needs to go. What he does afterward isn't a concern of mine," Elsa countered.

"No need to get so defensive; I didn't mean it as a bad thing." Chuckling, she nudged Elsa's arm with her elbow. "I think he likes you."

Elsa had to scoff at that. "What he likes is my _power_. He likes what I can do for him." If anything, it was Anna he'd ever considered attractive, she was sure.

"Nah. I don't think he wants to admit it, is all." And of course, Honeymaren had to leave it at that, heading out for her nightly scouting around the village.

Absurd. Hans didn't like her. And she certainly wasn't starting to like him.

That night, though—the night before they were setting off, Elsa could feel her eyes just adjusting to the dark, unable to sleep. It wasn't Honeymaren's comment, she told herself. It was because she was afraid of this still not working out, even after the test run. It was seeing Ahtohallan again and wondering if anything had changed. It was uncovering Hans's secrets, and what they had to do with his mother, like he'd mentioned. They'd hardly talked about it, honestly; she figured it'd all be answered once they travelled.

"Are you still awake?" Hans's voice was quiet, but clear.

Elsa contemplated feigning sleep to avoid talking to him. "Yes," she answered after a moment, figuring she shouldn't keep him in the dark.

"If you're scared about tomorrow..."

"I'm not," she lied.

But Hans continued anyway. "You should know that I'd rather die pursuing this than old and alone, still hearing the voice."

How the hell was she supposed to be able to sleep after that? "Okay," she said, because how else was she supposed to respond?

"But you can do this," he assured. "We're going to see Ahtohallan."

"We." It didn't sound right to Elsa. Or maybe it did, and she couldn't admit it to herself.

After her restless night, they left at dawn, after a quick breakfast. At that time Yelena was the only one in the village to see them off, speaking something low to Hans while Elsa readied the Nokk, covering him in frost once he emerged from the water.

They always had their little private conversations. One of these days she'd figure out just _what _Yelena told him. For now, though, she let Hans ride in front, grateful for all the layers he wore so he couldn't feel how tightly she gripped to him.

* * *

Once they reached the Dark Sea, they paused. In the daytime, it didn't look nearly as imposing, though the waves were still high as ever. The sky, grey and threatening rain at any moment. The wind, relentless, blowing Elsa's hair and skirts back. Hans made sure to tie his back into a bun to not whip her in the face.

"It _is_ like the Southern Isles," she heard Hans say lowly. Elsa could only imagine his expression: shocked, mouth slightly agape. The Nokk, sensing his unease, tilted his head.

"Just follow the voice," Elsa assured. "The Nokk knows where to go." She reached up, squeezing his shoulder before making their tethers. "Are you ready for this?"

"Are _you_?" he asked, cracking his knuckles.

"No," she said honestly. At least the waves were _slightly_ lower than the last time. "But... good God, we've at least got to _try_."

Once Hans charged toward the sea, full speed, Elsa tried to slow herself down, think in the moment. She could feel her heart pounding in anticipation—but she'd seen herself do it. She'd seen how powerful she could be, and the change of setting shouldn't affect her too much (hopefully). Her hands shot out, letting ice burst from her hands.

She started to part the Dark Sea so they could pass.

Elsa was constantly working, leaning into Hans and keeping her heels dug into the Nokk so she wouldn't slip. She could feel her teeth grip, and even just a few meters behind them, her ice started to crack. So far so good, but with the powerful waves, her walls wouldn't last too long.

Hans didn't turn around once, trusting Elsa and the Nokk to just keep going.

How long had it taken her to cross before? Elsa remembered running through the waves, weaving between rocks before the Nokk had tried to attack her. The way he flashed about so quickly had probably cut some of her time, though. Luckily, by the time she'd tamed him, the waters seemed to have calmed.

Oh... oh no; she could feel herself slipping! Even with the tether, she'd lose her magic for a moment, and she couldn't risk that. without going underwater. "Hans!" she cried, hoping he understood what she meant.

He did, reaching behind to grip her thigh tightly. She was too concentrated on making sure she could keep the sea parted to not care about where his hand was—obviously there was no scandalous intent there. But with his strong arm, she was able to stay balanced, able to keep herself on the sprinting Nokk and still keep the Dark Sea parted. She hooked her chin on his shoulder just for the extra assurance.

It wasn't too long before she could actually feel her arms tire, her powers waning a tad. Behind her she could hear the rush of her walls breaking, but luckily they were far enough away to not be affected, from what she could hear. Elsa looked up to gauge how the waves looked—honestly, she wasn't sure. She refused to look behind her.

Should she risk it and head toward the surface? Or should she wait until she couldn't go any longer? But she still had to create an ice path for the frosted Nokk on the water, or risk them all sinking. She had to make her decision, before it was too late, before she was too exhausted and passed out...

"Duck!" she warned Hans, and he still kept his grip on her thigh as he did so, just in case. Elsa moved her hands to the front, creating that ramp again, and she could feel her walls waning, right here, right before they surfaced; maybe it was too early, and maybe they wouldn't make it—!

Elsa kept her hands limp, only to help the Nokk along her ice path. The waters were calm, starting to look more familiar.

"You did it—!" Elsa could sense the excitement in Hans's voice, but all she could do was slump forward against his shoulder.

"I never want to do that again," she sighed. But the worst of it was over—Hans was still here, and she'd _finally_ get some answers.

"You might not want to, but you might _have_ to," Hans pointed out.

But Elsa was going to ignore that for now—they were almost there. "Can you hear the voice?" she asked instead.

"It's louder," he said. "And... it doesn't sound so ominous and looming."

It was like the last time. Elsa could even feel the tears starting to prick her eyes, reminiscing, remembering her excitement on finding it when her parents could not, knowing she would find the secrets of her powers. She wiped them away, hoping Hans hadn't noticed.

In the distance, she could see it: its white peaks and magical aura. With it still being daytime, the northern lights did not race toward it, but it was nonetheless still as beautiful as it had been before. She could feel Hans's breath hitch. "Ahtohallan..." he murmured lowly.

On arrival, they dismounted the Nokk, and Elsa returned him back to his water state. "We will call for you when we're ready to return," she assured, and they both bowed to him as he disappeared back into the sea.

"Let me lead." Elsa knew exactly where to go, could feel it all in her core.

"It's strange..." he said. "I don't feel cold."

"You... what?" They were so far north, but... was it part of how Hans couldn't feel the other spirits in their true essence? Or was this just the effect Ahtohallan had on everyone?

"I'm not cold," he repeated, pulling his hair back into a ponytail just before they entered the cavern.

They both felt against the smooth walls in pure elation. "Sing to it," Elsa advised. "The voice will echo for you here and show you where to go."

Nodding, Hans imitated the voice, and this time, Elsa could _hear_ it, too. They'd arrived! She fought every urge to run like she had before, much as she wanted to reach the core of the cavern, the essence of her.

"I can hear the voice!" she cried, and looking over at Hans, she could tell his smile was _genuine_. They sang together, and Elsa didn't care that it was with him, not in this moment.

Oh, but she'd created her little pillar bridge, and Hans could not cross. She held her arm out stopping him for now. "Hold on— the last time was here, I got a little too excited."

"I can see that," he chuckled. Elsa shot her arms out, making them a far more sturdy bridge.

Given her powers still affected Hans, he slipped into her a few times. "Sorry," he muttered each time it happened, but again, Elsa _didn't mind_. Maybe it was just everything about Ahtohallan that made her forget her previous woes and worries.

Certainly it had nothing to do with her and Hans getting closer.

Just beyond, Elsa saw the core of the cavern—and there her memories were, still frozen as they had been almost a year ago. This time, she ran toward it, unable to contain herself. There were she and Anna, as children! Her creation of Olaf; the days she played with Sir Jörgenbjörgen... they were all still here!

"Incredible." Each time Hans passed a memory, it played out again for him. She watched him smile at her singing atop the North Mountain, though it never failed to make Elsa cringe.

When he got to the snow pile beside Anna before Elsa's coronation, he stopped. The grin disappeared.

"This was me, wasn't it?" he asked.

There was no need to answer; he knew. Three years, and Elsa's resentment never dissipated.

"We're not here for my memories," she pointed out, holding her hands up. Hans knew to assume their terribly intimate position: his face, placed gently in her hands. "Sing to the voice again."

They both harmonized, and Elsa summoned everything she had, now feeling Ahtohallan giving her what she wanted. "_Show yourself_!" she sang, closing her eyes. There was the power at her fingertips again, far more than what she'd been able to do with the Northuldra. Hans's skin was warm and smooth, his voice gorgeous and full of trust for what she was doing.

_Show me everything about him_, she pleaded silently. _I need to know the secrets of his past_.

There was a burst of white, and her memories were replaced with unfamiliar ones. But she could see Hans's eyes widen, out of both astonishment and horror.

She'd done it.

Hans slowly backed away from Elsa, almost stumbling into the memory of him sitting on a dock, maybe about ten years old. In pretty much every memory, Hans's eyes were defeated, his expression somber. In one direction, there were memories of his brothers pinching and teasing him at the table, or pretending he didn't exist. In another direction, various women laughing when they realized just how _far back_ in line he was from his throne.

"_Your Majesty, I humbly request that I act as our representative for Arendelle_." Hans didn't even call his eldest brother by his name; he had to address him by his _title_. "_I am the only prince from our line well versed in their kingdom_."

What did that even mean? Elsa started in that direction, hoping it lead toward Arendelle. She didn't mind that Hans was on the other side of the cavern, trying to find something happier.

In the corner of her eye, there was Hans as a child smiling, petting a foal she could only figure was Sitron. In another corner, there was Moana again (there were quite a few memories of her popped up), singing to Hans in a language she didn't understand, but it sounded beautiful. There was another where she was teaching him how to sail on a very interesting boat. Whatever she said, Hans replied in that same language.

"_Arendelle—I finally get to live in Arendelle_." Hans, just before Anna had met him, with his eyes as bright as she'd ever seen them as his ship docked in for her coronation. How bold of him to assume he'd be staying there forever.

There was he and Anna, bonding so quickly in a way Elsa had never been able to. "_Yep, the _whole_ thing_!" Anna laughed, and Hans stuffed the dessert in his mouth per her request.

She quickly bypassed her revealing her powers, and how Hans looked shocked, but not accusatory, like the Duke of _Weaseltown_ had been. Even comforting Anna, his tone was even.

And then, more of Hans in charge of Arendelle, what she'd always _wanted _ to see.

"_I leave Prince Hans in charge_." Oh, Anna, how could she have known?

"_Arendelle is indebted to you, Your Highness_." There it was again, but Elsa noticed he kept the palace open for the people to stay warm. He _cared_; he really hadn't had to go out of his way to be so charismatic.

"_Do not question the princess_." Even Hans hadn't trusted that damn Duke. "_She left me in charge, and I will not hesitate to protect Arendelle from treason_." This had gotten the other dignitaries from other kingdoms on his side—Hans didn't _just_ want the crown. He wanted...

He wanted to be loved by the people.

Hesitant, Elsa kept going. She quickly bypassed their confrontation in her palace, but couldn't help but stare at the tender way he picked her up, after falling from the chandelier crashing. No one had ever held her in such a way...

"_You're _warm_,_" she heard him murmur, when no one else could hear. "_How are you so warm_?"

He'd even offered to look for Anna, even after Elsa told him she had no idea how to stop the raging winter.

And then, the clincher, the thing that had probably brought him over the edge to think he'd won no matter what happened to her and Anna: "_If anything happens to the princess, you are all Arendelle has left_."

Everything that had happened to him in Arendelle, from Anna's trust, to helping the people, to keeping the dignitaries from siding with the Duke... they'd all put him in the mindset that he was Arendelle's _only_ hope, even without its queen and princess. He'd been _put_ in that position with each intentional move, like calculated pieces on a chess board, even if Hans hadn't fully realized he was playing.

She _got_ it. And Elsa _hated_ that she got it.

Where was he, though; she was starting to lose track.

There was a figure, with... was that a troll? No, it looked different from the trolls in the forest, different than Pabbie and Hulda. Yet it still was not human—maybe a neighboring troll from the Southern Isles? But Hans was following a feminine figure, walking _straight_ toward the deep end. She stood tall and regal, her hair pulled back into an elaborate chignon. She looked like she'd never smiled a day in her life.

"_Stop, Hans_!" she commanded, racing toward him. She grabbed his arm tightly before he started to go too far.

"But my mother..." he started, trying to fight her.

"If you follow her, _you will die_," Elsa warned, gripping tighter. "_That_ is diving too deep into Ahtohallan's sound. We have to see if we can figure out that secret from the past with what we have."

Hans looked longingly toward the figure of his mother receding from his sight, but he eventually nodded. "The troll mentioned something about dealing with this dark kind of magic and its consequences... but my mother never mentioned anything about magic even really _existing_."

"Then we'll look for her instead," she promised. She'd been able to see memories of her father, mother, and grandfather. Surely it had to be the same for Hans here.

"Where were you?" he asked. "I ended up reliving some of my time with Moana, which was rather pleasant."

"I saw you in Arendelle," she said lowly. "I saw why you thought you had the throne, from how the dignitaries built you up. From how Anna trusted you."

"I wanted nothing but the best for Arendelle," he assured. "My mother made sure of that."

"_Show me_," she demanded. This was the second time he mentioned his mother in conjunction with her former kingdom. Hans glanced around, then pointed toward a similar figure to the woman he'd been following. There were more wrinkles on her face than the version of her Hans had been following, but her expression was still as serious.

Elsa ran toward this section of memories—this one was of her, stern before Hans as a child.

"_But there's nothing in the books that mention anything about a dam_—" he tried to point out.

"_There _was_ a dam!_" the queen cried, tossing the book aside. In her madness, she sensed the fright in Hans, wondering why his mother was screaming at him. "_It would be drawn at the edge of the fjord in the Forest—it exists, Hans. I promise you it exists, even if they tell you it doesn't_."

"Why was that so important?" Elsa murmured.

"I never knew why," Hans replied. "She was always so insistent that _I_ know Arendelle, its entire history. Each of my brothers had to know a neighboring kingdom in the same way."

Elsa's brow furrowed. "Did they marry other women from said kingdoms?"

Hans had to think about it for a moment. "They... Oh my gosh, they _did_. I never _realized_..."

"She was _grooming_ you for Arendelle." Saying it out loud made her feel sick. No wonder he'd been so hell bent on keeping it once he'd gotten so close...

Angered, Elsa kept going. There was his mother, teaching Hans the song about Ahtohallan. "_It is not from Arendelle proper, but the princesses will know it. It's of am ancient, dark legend, from their native tribe._"

And there she was on her deathbed, Hans at her side as a young adult. "_Promise... you _will_ see Arendelle, Hans. You'll see how beautiful it is_."

"Was your mother from Arendelle?" Elsa asked.

"_No_." Hans shook his head. "She was heir to the Southern Isles throne."

"Then _why_ was she so obsessed with you going there? How did she know about the dam and the song and the tribe?"

"Elsa, I _swear_ I don't know!" Hans cried in return, holding his hands up. "It never occurred to me until just now—with all these memories jumbled together!"

If Elsa wanted to see if he was lying, she could look among the hundreds of memories surrounding her. Of course she had no choice to believe him. She kept storming back, to where Hans wasn't in the memories, where it was _just_ his mother. Elsa could tell that she had probably once been beautiful and smiling, but _something_ in her past had turned her into the jaded woman with an agenda for all her sons.

"_Majken, calm down_."

"No_, it was supposed to be_ me!" she cried to another, older figure (Hans's grandfather?). "_It wasn't supposed to be some common woman—that _whore_ from the Northuldra_!"

Northuldra? Elsa's eyes widened. She couldn't mean...

Elsa rushed past this memory. Hans's mother must have been a teenager in this one, and she was laughing beside a boy around her age.

"_Maj, your laugh is so infectious_!" the boy chuckled, and Elsa froze.

Hans squeezed her shoulder, making sure he could try to keep her present. "What is it?" he asked.

"_Well, that's only because you're so funny, Agnarr!"_

Elsa's eyes stayed glued to the memory, still trying to process it. When she found her voice again, she told Hans lowly, "The boy with your mother... that's my _father_."

**Dun dun duuuuuunnnnn the plot, she thickens! Am I going to keep it up with all these cliffhangers?**

**Honestly, probably, I will not lie. **

**Remember to leave comments and kudos! They're the best methods of communication with my readers during this difficult time. Please stay safe and keep social distancing!**


	9. Chapter 9

**One thing I realized: nine chapters into the last fic and Hans and Elsa were getting naughty. Here, the most they've done is... rode the Nokk together.**

**Oh, how the turn tables.**

**I'm loving all the theories I'm hearing, by the way.**

_**I'm Afraid of What I'm Risking if I Follow You**_

**Chapter 9**

"No, no, that's impossible." What shocked Elsa was that it was _Hans_ in denial about the memory, while she was completely onboard that Ahtohallan was showing the truth. He kept staring at his mother and Agnarr like it had to be fabricated. "When did the conflict with the Northuldra even begin?"

"About thirty-five years ago," said Elsa. After she did the math, she started to realize— "Wait, if _you're_ the last son of the Southern Isles, _and_ older than me and Anna... how could your mother have married your father _and_ sired thirteen sons all before then?"

"I told you, they weren't all single births," Hans explained. "She had three pairs of twins and one set of triplets. That doesn't make it too far fetched."

Elsa exhaled. "Why would anyone want to have that many children in such a short period of time? And how could she have? And _how_ did she luck out with them all being boys? And what does any of that have to do with... any of this?"

Hans gestured to the memory that had passed the threshold. "That's what I was trying to find out. But you pulled me away."

Rolling her eyes, Elsa pulled him back, to where even more memories of his mother played out. "I told you, Hans, if you go back there, there's no turning back unless you know have someone on the outside who knows _exactly_ how to right the wrongs of the past. You'll freeze to death. _I_ froze to death down there, until Anna saved me—and I had to use the last of my powers to imply what to do. Even then, it was kind of on a whim to see if she knew."

"Knew what?"

"My grandfather murdered the leader of the Northuldra and started a conflict that blocked off the Forest in an enchanted mist, like I said before," Elsa explained. "I didn't know that until then, so Anna had the Earth Giants destroy it—to, again, right the wrongs of the past."

Hans squinted. "But wouldn't that have destroyed Arendelle along with it?"

Elsa shrugged. "Luckily, that's what unfroze me—once the dam was destroyed, I rode the Nokk over to its giant wave before it could destroy Arendelle."

"Just with your powers?" He blinked, impressed. "Given what I've seen so far of what you can do—you just _might_ be limitless."

"I got you here, didn't I?" she chuckled.

Hans laughed in return and... it was a _moment_. And she didn't hate it.

"'Right the wrongs of the past...'" he repeated, thinking. "Maybe _I'm_ the mistake from the past that needs to be corrected. Maybe that's why the spirits don't affect me, now that I've had time to think about it."

Elsa scowled. "Just because I think you still deserve to pay for what you've done, I don't think anyone would wish you _dead_, let alone the spirits. I can feel it; it's not their intention, especially since they've been so friendly toward you."

Hans a brow, unsure of her assessment, but said nothing.

She looked back on the memory of her father and his mother—_Majken_, she remembered, or "Maj," as Agnarr had affectionately called her—and her brow furrowed. "Them knowing each other could explain a few things," she reasoned. "Let's keep going."

Nodding, he followed. There wasn't much, though.

"_My father is building a dam for the Northuldra tribe as a sign of peace_," Agnarr told her.

"_That's very noble of him_," said Maj. "_You have a great example from which to learn_."

If only they both knew—Mother had always been right; only Ahtohallan had the answers.

"So that's how she knew about the dam," said Hans lowly. "Your father told her, and even if she never saw it, she always believed it, and knew where it would be."

The next one had Agnarr singing (a little off-key, Elsa hated to admit) the song of Ahtohallan from the Northuldra. He strummed on a lute in an attempt to impress Maj.

Hans cringed a little. "Well... it's a good thing my mother can sing—otherwise I might not have learned it well."

Elsa had to laugh at that. "Your voice is certainly better than his."

Of course, it wasn't _just_ nice. She hated that he had, probably, one of the greatest, clearest voices she'd ever heard. The type of hypnotizing voice that could lure any unsuspecting maiden to her doom.

A siren's voice, she joked to herself.

"_Please don't sing that at our wedding, Agnarr_," Maj said in between giggles. "_You'll drive all the guests away_."

This had both of them at attention, eyes wide.

"They were..." said Hans.

Elsa nodded. Neither had to say it; they both knew, being formal royals. _Betrothed_. That had always been the plan.

Then... why was Elsa the one _blessed_ with the power of the Fifth Spirit at her birth, and Hans unaffected by the other four?

They looked at each other for a moment. If Agnarr of Arendelle and Majken of the Southern Isles had gotten married, Elsa wouldn't have existed. Or, if she did, it wouldn't have been under the same circumstances.

She walked back to the memory of his mother exploding to her own father. Kneeling over a discarded parchment, she could recognize Agnarr's handwriting—that he was breaking off their previous engagement for his new queen in hopes of mending the conflict between Arendelle and the Northuldra. "_A conflict_," he had written, "_I find far more pressing and important to my heart over our already good ties between Arendelle and the Southern Isles_."

And he was in love with Iduna.

Hans kneeled beside her, reading. "Your father chose your mother instead," he surmised. "And my mother never got over it."

Didn't get over it enough to try and marry off her sons to other, neighboring kingdoms. But what about Hans and Arendelle?

There was... Kai in another memory, trying to hand a letter to Agnarr. He looked about the age right before he and Mother...

"_Another letter from the Southern Isles, Your Majesty_," he said with a bow, but her father waved it off.

"_I know what it is_," he said. "_Elsa is of age to think about suitors, yes, and their Queen's youngest is the right age for her. But I'd rather she focus on her studies for now_."

"That was always code for 'controlling my powers,'" Elsa explained.

Looking down, she noticed Hans's hands balled up into fists, like he was holding back an anger she didn't realize was even dormant. "What is it?" she asked.

"She was _grooming_ me," he uttered. "This whole time, like some _chess piece_ she saw as a plaything to move into the right position. She probably never even loved me, like the rest of them didn't."

"Did you know about this?" Elsa gestured to Agnarr's rejection of the letter. "That she was trying to marry _us_ off?"

She had to think about it for a moment, about what would have happened if her father actually _let_ her see letters from suitors. If she thought Hans a serious contender, before actually _knowing_ him. Would he be the attempted murderer if she had rejected him? _Fell_ for his charms if he made his move on _her_, before her coronation?

She thought about the memory where he'd rejected Anna: "_As heir, Elsa was preferable, of course_."

What _if_?

And yet, here they were, confronting this mystery _together_, because their conflicts intertwined, overlapped.

"I had an inkling," Hans confessed. "But from what I was told no portrait of you or Anna existed—and when I ran into Anna first instead..."

"You went with it," Elsa finished. "Because any scenario where you went back to the Southern Isles would be considered a failure."

"To both my mother and myself. Arendelle was my _out_ of that trapped kingdom. I'd always been preparing for it—though not willingly."

The thought made her sick to her stomach, and it was clear that her questions would not have answers—unless she was willing to dive back down there.

There had to be another way.

"You said what the dark memory held had to do with magic, right?"

"From what I could gather," said Hans, nodding. "I don't know the creature she'd been talking to, though. My mother never gave any indication that even she believed in magic at all."

Elsa stroked her chin, trying to think. "Perhaps... it was some sort of _troll_," she said. "The ones I know of exist in their own community just north of Arendelle, in the Valley of Rock. Their powers are mysterious, but they can vaguely see the future—maybe it's the same for trolls near the Southern Isles, if that's who your mother sought out?"

It could explain a plethora of things, if that were the case: his mother's numerous and fruitful pregnancies; how they were all boys; the reason why all her sons married into different nobility in neighboring kingdoms; Hans being unable to react to the spirits.

"It's definitely possible." Hans looked longingly over at the one memory he couldn't follow.

"Well, then, let's head over there," she decided, starting to walk off.

"Wait," Hans declared.

Elsa turned. "What?" Did he really think he could find all those answers here? Sure, they'd discovered quite a bit of his past, which was messy and sad, and muddled and intertwined with hers, but the _trolls_ were the best lead now.

"I... want to stay here for a bit," he said slowly. "Relive some of the happier memories—there's so few of them."

"Hans, I don't know if we have time for—"

"_Please_, Elsa."

She'd never heard him beg before. It was enough to get her to consider, for a moment.

"I don't know if I'll ever come here again."

Was he guilting her? Maybe. But he had a point. And from what she'd seen, there weren't a lot of happy memories, so it probably wouldn't eat up _too_ much time.

"Fine," she conceded with a sigh, turning back. "Maybe you can translate everything Moana is saying. I like that girl already, and I can't even understand her."

Turned out, Moana was _feisty_. Whatever Hans translated was her quickly snapping at him for not budging, or getting something on first try. It made Elsa wonder what she looked like, without the sheen of snow—especially that _hair_.

She watched Hans's features soften, opening him up more. There was a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, his hands no longer clenched, nothing tensed up. Like a reminder that through all the bad, all the terrible things she'd seen from his life (both what he'd done, and what had happened to him), not everything had been so awful, though the moments were few and far between.

More _good_ things had happened in his life once he left the Southern Isles. All he'd really had there was Sitron.

And the piano.

Elsa only heard snippets of the notes, snippets of his voice—but whenever he played, there was always _passion_. These were the memories she stepped closer to, almost dared to touch.

"We had a piano at the palace," she said. "But I never learned to play like this."

"It's all I had," said Hans. "When my brothers ignored me, whenever I was chastised for just _existing_—it was the only way I could be expressive."

"When was the last time you played?"

Hans shrugged. "Probably before I left the Southern Isles, honestly," he confessed. "I still know how to, though."

She supposed a skill like that, if taught properly, could be retained, even after years.

They kept walking.

Elsa was surprised Hans wanted to stop at his evening with Anna, and she watched them dance all over the palace, laughing and having a great time while she had been taking in congratulations from her coronation. But she laughed, watching Hans mirror Anna's enthusiastic expressions.

"This was a good memory for you?" she asked.

"Of course," Hans replied, laughing as he and Anna imitated puppets from a clock. "I don't think I've ever laughed that much in one evening."

True; Elsa had yet to see Hans smiling as much as he did in Arendelle.

There was one memory of Hans lying beside a rather beautiful woman. Elsa raised a hand over her eyes, embarrassed, but she listened to them laugh.

"_You're too much sometimes, Hans_." Her voice was melodic, gorgeous.

"_Well, can you blame me? You so rarely grace me with your presence, my dear_," he countered, the banter making Elsa blush.

Of _course_ he'd been with a woman. With probably a slew of women. But she didn't think Ahtohallan would show her something so... intimate.

Behind her, she heard Hans hum, slow and fond of whatever he was reliving. "The Princess of Wysteria," he explained. "I thought I might have had a chance—but she went with her betrothed, and my mother was not pleased, when she found out about the affair. Of course, I understand why now."

"Did you..." She wasn't sure how to ask that; she thought it was the only way to do... well, _that_, without being married first. "Did you love her?"

Hans took a moment to think about it. "I don't know," he answered honestly. "I certainly admired her, at least. She seemed all right with me being thirteenth in line—or so it seemed. I suppose I'll never know what she thought."

Elsa moved past it. "We should probably get going now," she reasoned.

"Yes... you're probably right." Hans sighed, but he seemed grateful for the extra time. "Thank you for letting me reminisce for a little longer."

She couldn't think of how to really respond to that, so she just nodded in return. "You're welcome."

* * *

Heading back to the mainland from the Dark Sea, Elsa realized, was _much_ easier when one could ride the waves instead of moving against them. This time she rode on the front of the Nokk, and this time she didn't mind Hans's hands on her waist, holding on.

It was nearly sundown when they reached the Valley of Living Rock. Of course, they stopped at Oaken's for a bite to eat, politely declining his offer to head into the sauna (because _no_, she didn't want to see Hans in another state of undress, after seeing that memory of him with the Princess of Wysteria).

Elsa advised the Nokk to stay close, keeping him in his frosted state. This certainly wouldn't take all night, she reasoned, and they should be back with the Northuldra before even Honeymaren retired to bed.

Hans glanced around the moss-covered, round rocks. Each step he took was calculated, wary. "The trolls... live here?" he murmured.

"They're a little shy," said Elsa. Especially when the situation wasn't too dire, or Kristoff wasn't with her. "We'll have to coax them out."

And then, to her _horror_—she heard the loudest, most familiar voice in the distance. Certainly not one of the trolls. Eyes widening, she started to shove Hans along. "_Hide_!" she hissed.

"_What_—" But Elsa was already pushing Hans behind a jagged rock, one she knew wouldn't roll away.

This was the _last_ thing she wanted. How, and _why_ was this happening now? Was this destiny conspiring against her? Making her regret ever helping Hans in the first place?

"You need to calm down," said another familiar voice, calm and collected, as per usual.

"Calm _down_?" said the third, and this voice had Hans's eyes widening. He crouched further behind the rock, now understanding the severity of the situation.

"Damn," he whispered, drawing his knees up to his chest.

"No, I'm _not_ going to calm down! Gale has been blowing me back with every attempt past Arendelle and I'm sick of it!"

"Expressing your frustration and anger through talking it out over taking action is a healthy way for you to understand the root of the problem." Elsa rolled her eyes affectionately. "Are you more upset at Elsa's letter, or the measures she's taking to keep you in Arendelle?"

"Ugh—I don't know—the second. _Both_! But I don't like it, so we have to find a magical way out of this, if she's going to use magic to keep me here."

"Just listen to Grand Pabbie. You know he'll have the answers."

"If he tells me to stay in Arendelle, I'm defying orders any—" But the voice cut off.

"What is it? Ooh, did you know that animals that lay eggs don't have belly buttons?"

"_Ssh_—look! That's the _Nokk_ over there, in his frosted form!"

"_Damn_!" Elsa cursed lowly, closing her eyes.

"_Elsa_—! I know you're out there! _Show yourself_!"

"She's _loud_," Hans pointed out, shrinking further and trying to make himself as small as possible.

"Let's split up; we'll find her."

Elsa took a deep breath. Maybe, if she just _explained_ herself... She readied herself to stand.

"_What are you doing_?" Hans asked, grabbing her hand on a whim to keep her hidden.

"Well, she's going to find us anyway. You'll be _fine_." Elsa didn't even notice how tightly he was holding to her. "Just let me do the talking."

Hans's brow furrowed, contemplating. But Elsa could see the trust in his eyes, something she thought she'd never gauge from him, even after getting him to Ahtohallan.

But he let her go.

She nodded silently, then finally moved from her hiding space.

"Hello?" she called.

Olaf was closest, hugging her leg. "_Elsa_!" he cried, his grip on her tight.

Kristoff turned next, blinking. "Elsa!" he repeated, jogging toward Olaf. Sven, of course, was not far behind. "What are you doing out here? Why is the Nokk here, too? Don't you usually only summon him from the water?"

"Well, I—"

But then, there was her sister, pouting and angry and storming toward them. And she had every right to hold this expression; Elsa had, well, kept her in Arendelle with Gale forcing her back if she dared stray.

"_Where is he_?" she demanded. No hello. Now pleasantries. She knew why they were out in this part of the forest.

"Hello to you, too," said Elsa calmly, walking out from behind the rock so no one would look for Hans—for now. "I see you got my letter."

"And I see you're keeping me out of the loop again!" She was wearing travel slacks, Elsa noted, but still kept her hair in its elaborate bun. Everything about her was still regal as ever. "Why would you do this to me? And why are _you_ here?"

Elsa tried to keep the tone even, her hands held up, almost as if surrendering. "I'm _just_ here for a few answers. And with Kristoff here, I'll probably get to them sooner."

"You still didn't answer my question." She crossed her arms, tapping her foot on the dirt quickly. It didn't have the same impact as on a hard, polished floor. "_Where is he_?"

Before she could answer, though, Hans slowly stood, then leaned over the rock. Elsa took a defensive step toward him, because after everything she learned, she couldn't let anything happen to him—_yet_. She watched Kristoff's expression harden, then furrow.

Even Sven looked furious.

But Hans also remained cool and collected, looking directly past Elsa to her sister. He even had the confidence (nerve? audacity?) to smirk.

"Hello, _Queen_ Anna."

**I mean, I had to throw it back to my last fic! And in usual me fashion, I had to end it on a cliffhanger, _again_.**

**I hope you're all doing well isolated from the rest of the world! As per usual, kudos and comments are forever appreciated. I love talking with you guys.**


	10. Chapter 10

**All right, here's the big reveal chapter, friends! Most questions should be answered here, but are we done yet?**

**No, not yet.**

**Yet here we are, a little late as always! I hope this helps out during such a crazy time.**

**_I'm Afraid of What I'm Risking if I Follow You_**

**Chapter 10**

"How _dare _you—" Anna took a few bold steps toward Hans, prepped to punch him again. He didn't even flinch, because—

Well, Elsa stepped right in, placing a firm hand on her sister's shoulder. "Anna, now is not the time for hostility," she said calmly.

"The hell it isn't!" she cried, trying to push Elsa aside.

Sighing, Elsa just held her hand out, and created ice underneath her sister so she'd slip back into Kristoff's arms.

"Now is not the time for hostility," she repeated, and she turned back to Hans. "And you—you did not need to be so smug."

"The look on her face was a little worth it," Hans confessed, stepping up to Elsa. "But, you're right. We're here for answers; we're not here to fight."

"What kind of answers do you need that would bring you out here?" Kristoff piped up. "I read the letter; there was nothing mentioned about the trolls."

"Letter?" Hans looked at Elsa. "What letter?"

Elsa sighed. "Obviously I had to tell Anna you were back and _why_," she said. Not like she owed him much of an explanation outside of that. "_But_ I told her I could handle you myself."

"He doesn't look too threatening," said Olaf, tilting his head. I think his long hair makes him look kind of... soft."

"Elsa." Hans's eyes were plastered to Olaf. "That snowman is talking."

"Oh, I'm _sorry_, allow me to introduce myself—I'm Olaf, and I love warm hugs and deductive reasoning." He held a stick arm out for Hans to shake.

"Olaf, you know who that is, don't you?" Anna asked.

"Nope!" Olaf held his hand out again. "You're leaving me hanging, you know. That's kind of rude."

"Olaf, that's Prince Hans."

"_That's_ Prince Hans?" Olaf walked around Hans and poked his leg, then looked back up at him. "He doesn't look very a threatening or irresistible."

Right—Olaf had really only _heard_ about Hans, and hadn't really seen him, given the punch Anna landed was enough to throw him into the fjord. "Well, Olaf, we're here to find answers for him," Elsa explained. "I don't think Anna told you, but he's been hearing the voice."

But now that they had gone to Ahtohallan... "_Do_ you still hear the voice?" she asked, looking up at him.

He nodded. "I've been ignoring it, but it's still there."

Damn. They might have found a few answers, but Elsa realized they had never gotten to the root of the problem: _why_ the spirits weren't affecting Hans.

"Is that why you're here?" Kristoff asked. "To ask the trolls where to go? Wouldn't the Northuldra be more help?"

"There was only so much they could do," said Elsa. "They're the ones who found his destroyed transport and nursed him back to health. We found a few answers in Ahtohallan but—"

"You took him to _Ahtohallan_?" demanded Anna, absolutely accusatory.

"Anna, I had to—"

"You took _him_ to _Ahtohallan_?" she cried again.

"Say it again; I don't think the forest heard you," Hans deadpanned.

"One more sarcastic word out of you and I'm freezing your mouth shut," Elsa warned. "You're not helping the situation, yet you're the entire reason we're here." She turned back to Anna. "I couldn't get the answers I needed quick enough from the Northuldra, so I _had_ to take Hans to Ahtohallan. Anna—what we found is _important_."

Anna fumed for a moment, crossing her arms, but took a few deep breaths. "What did you find?"

Elsa looked to Hans. "His mother... was betrothed to Father, before he fell in love with Mother."

Anna's, Kristoff's, and Sven's jaws all dropped. Only Olaf looked between all of them, confused. "See, I'm still trying to understand the nuances of the complicated monarchy on which all these kingdoms are run. What is 'betrothed'?"

"It means King Agnarr, Anna and Elsa's father, was supposed to marry Hans's mother, the Queen of the Southern Isles," Kristoff explained. "But he married their mother instead, who was from the Northuldra."

"_That's_ how he knew about the dam and the song," Anna concluded, stroking her chin. But she looked up, her eyes wide. "But wait, that doesn't mean we're—"

"_No_," said Elsa and Hans at the same time. That definitely would have put a damper in the fact that Hans had asked to _marry_ Anna.

"No," Hans repeated. "After all that, my mother married off all my brothers to neighboring kingdoms—and she was _grooming_ me for Arendelle."

"That's why you knew so much and why you proposed so quickly!" Anna was starting to get it. "You saw all this in Ahtohallan?"

"We did," said Elsa. "We _saw_ Father with his mother several times, including telling her about the dam and teaching her the song. We saw his mother make him learn everything about Arendelle. But we did not see where else it led us, which is why Hans still hears the voice. We saw his mother with... trolls. But not like the ones here—different ones. We thought maybe the trolls here could help."

"Speaking of... they're being quieter than usual," Kristoff pointed out, starting to walk around to try to wake his family up. Olaf and Sven joined in, and Hans looked around, skeptic.

"The trolls are rocks?" he asked.

Elsa shrugged. "You'll see. You don't seem too fazed."

"I think I'm still getting over the talking snowman."

Anna stepped forward, though now she'd calmed down quite a bit. "So... three years on the run? Your brothers just... didn't care about your prison sentence?"

"They did at first," Hans explained. "They sold my horse, practically made me live in the stables doing the dirty work, feeding me scraps... and then they just ignored me, like I was a child again. It made more sense to just run away and start over."

"You don't care about running a kingdom anymore?"

Hans shrugged. "This is more pressing. And I like not being a prince—it's freeing."

Elsa rolled her eyes. "That, and the Northuldra are being very hospitable—particularly Yelena."

"Also with how I was raised—it was Arendelle or nothing. At least, that's how it was with my mother before she died." He tilted his head, observing her further. "The streak in your hair is gone."

"Oh." Anna touched the top of her head. "You probably didn't notice it, but it happened right after—"

"Ah."

Before they could say anything else, the trolls rolled around them, finally revealing themselves. Despite claiming to not be fazed, Hans still took a step closer to Elsa, wary.

"Elsa—we were not expecting to see you under these circumstances," said Pabbie, hopping up to a stone so he could face them more clearly. "And Anna, we trust your venture to Corona was pleasant?"

"Warm and beautiful as ever, Grand Pabbie," Anna replied, and Elsa noticed she was treating them like her in-laws, like she was integrating into their family. "How is everyone here?"

"Oh, we're fine, honey!" Hulda called while in the middle of smooching Kristoff's cheek. "Just missing our Kristoff while he's down doing importable things in Arendelle!"

"That's good!"Anna stepped aside so Pabbie could see Hans. "We're in a bit of a conundrum. Prince Hans of the Southern Isles has returned, and he can apparently hear the voice Elsa did—but he can't react to any of the spirits."

"Hans and I just returned from Ahtohallan," Elsa continued. "We found that his mother was once betrothed to our father, but broke it off for our mother instead. I didn't want to risk anyone's safety, but we noticed the deepest secret of his past has to do with trolls similar to your kind—do they exist in the Southern Isles?"

Pabbie sighed. "We exist in all the kingdoms, my dear. Variants who specialize in similar forms of magic. She might have come across them, yes."

Both Hans and Elsa perk up at that—this could be the answer they've been looking for. "Can they predict the future?" she asked. "Kind of like how you could see mine when I was a child?"

"You met the trolls when we were kids?" asked Anna, furrowing her brow. "Why didn't I know about this?"

"I—" Elsa wasn't sure how to explain—this had been when she'd struck her head. "It was a very long time ago. I don't think you'd remember," she lied instead, and luckily, that sated her sister for now.

"In a way, we see potential futures—clouded, like there are paths. They lead more to... feelings, broad ideas. Nothing really concrete."

Like how he had shown Elsa a future where she was fearful, and one where she was powerful. Or how Arendelle would not survive if they hadn't righted the wrongs of the past. They were... vague.

"Would they know about genders?" she asked, referring to Hans's brothers. "Would the Queen of the Southern Isles be able to determine that the King of Arendelle would sire a daughter, if she went to them for advice?"

"An odd question." Pabbie stroked his chin, contemplating. "In your case, my dear, Ahtohallan probably determined who you would be the moment of their first meeting. It's very possible other trolls would have known, or had an inkling, though determining _when_ you'd be born certainly couldn't be calculated."

That could potentially explain why Majken would have known she must have boys. Get one close enough to them in age, and she could make the rest fall into place. What she hadn't figured out, though, was how long it would take. "And is there such thing as... fertility magic?"

Pabbie's rock brow furrowed. "Those are dangerous grounds, Elsa. Not to be taken lightly." He turned over to Hans. "You say you cannot interact with the spirits?"

Hans shook his head, mouth agape. He looked like he had no idea what to say to a rock troll. "Not... with their elements themselves. Ahtohallan was not cold, either."

Waving a hand, Pabbie assured, "Ahtohallan may fall on the Dark Sea, but she is welcoming to whomever the Fifth Spirit deems worthy."

"Oh," was all Elsa could say. "You've learned all this since what happened in Arendelle?"

"We are not all wise; we are always learning, always communicating with other forms of magic, yes." Pabbie turned back to Hans, beckoning him closer. "I sense tragedy in your soul. Answer honestly: have you ever felt true love? Even familial love?"

Hans had to think about that for a second, his gaze down at his boots.

"Obviously not toward me," Anna mumbled, crossing her arms, and Elsa elbowed her lightly. "_Ow_—what was that for?"

"_Ssh_!"

The boys gathered back around them, Kristoff wrapping an arm around Anna's shoulders.

"No," said Hans, finally answering. "I don't think I have."

Pabbie hummed, holding a hand out. "If I may?" Nodding, Hans kneeled before him, and everyone inclined closer, curious about his reading.

After a few anxious hums, hands waving lightly over his chest, Pabbie pulled back with an exasperated sigh. "I believe it's as I feared," he uttered. "You're _cursed_."

Olaf was the only one who gasped dramatically, then looked up at everyone else. "What, that wasn't a perfect moment for a gasp?" he asked.

"Olaf, ssh," Anna shushed lightly, taking his hand. "Cursed with _what_, exactly, Grand Pabbie?"

"Does it have anything to do with the fertility magic I mentioned earlier?" Elsa prodded.

"Yes," said Pabbie. "Children are special—born of what their parents give. With dark magic like that, forcing fate, there's less and less love to give with each child."

"And you're the thirteenth son," Elsa pointed out.

Humming, Pabbie shook his head. "Thirteen is an omen—deemed unlucky on arrival. Your mother must have played so much into that magic that by the time you were born, she had no love to give, lest you ever feel the same for anyone else."

Hans stepped back as if someone had slapped him across the face. "My mother never loved me," he said slowly, like he was coming to terms with it. "I was some... pawn in a scheme to exact revenge on Arendelle—to grow an empire for the Southern Isles."

"She must have been consumed by so much resentment and hatred that nothing else mattered over the years," Elsa figured. "I mean, by the time she had you, her goal must have been singular."

"And we weren't even _born_ yet," Anna added. "She _really_ was just going on a hunch."

"And the trolls could have provided this magic and this prediction?" asked Elsa.

"It's possible," Pabbie replied, "if that is what you saw in Ahtohallan."

Elsa shook her head. "We didn't venture that far—or Hans would have frozen. We just noticed a troll talking to the Queen and warning her."

"Hm... I certainly don't have all the answers, Elsa, I'm _sorry_," said Pabbie. "But without any love in his heart to give... that's what's putting the spirits in disarray with him. He's not _complete_."

"Then how do I fix this?" Elsa pleaded, not realizing that she was implying that _she_ wanted to help Hans now. But it sounded awful, and lined up so well with his life—no love had ever been shown to him from his family... and what had happened with the people of Arendelle had been set in motion by his mother. He felt _admiration_ and _pride_, not love.

"He needs to learn what love is," Olaf piped up. "Besides the increase of serotonin in our system when we feel immediate attraction, of course."

"I know what love is," Hans snapped, shaking his head. "And I just talked back to a snowman."

"I think you know what it is _clinically_," said Elsa. "In definition, what other people feel, and you've fed off of it and imitated it. But you've never felt it yourself."

"Wow, this is really putting a damper in our one night together," Anna sighed. "And here I thought we had fun."

"We... did." Hans blinked. "I've never felt so much enjoyment in my life."

"See—_enjoyment_," Anna sighed. "I thought I was falling in love with a handsome prince."

"Well, wait a minute," Kristoff interrupted, "maybe it wasn't _love_ right then and there—"

If anything, this only confused Elsa more. Love was such a vague term, and she'd seen glimpses of _something_ in his life that hadn't been awful. But was it one act, like with Anna's frozen heart? Or was this something else altogether?

"So what, someone performs an act of true love for Hans and it vanishes? No more curse?" asked Elsa.

"No, my dear, it's certainly not that simple," Pabbie replied, shaking his head. "With Anna, you had merely struck her heart—she was not born with this cloud, this omen of being unloved. And his heart, it is not frozen. It's... bleak. Complicated. It will take quite some time for it to heal, though seeds, I see, are planting in there—tiny, but with the potential to grow."

Elsa's eyes widened. "Moana," she murmured.

"Ma-who now?" asked Anna.

Hans turned to Elsa. "You really think she..."

"She _had_ to have," Elsa reasoned. "Maybe not romantically, but your time together _meant_ something."

"I'm sorry, but who is the '_Morahana_' you're talking about?" Anna raised a brow, tapping her finger against her arm.

Of course, that was when Olaf started singing her name very wrong... and very off key.

"Moana," Elsa clarified. "A princess from a faraway land who helped Hans after he ran away. They clearly cared about each other during his time with her."

Pabbie nodded. "That could be the seed. But this clouded curse... it could take _years_ to heal," he warned. "And you are not alone—unfortunately, yours is not an isolated case."

"You've seen this before?" asked Elsa, blinking.

"Not often, but yes," said Pabbie. "Those unloved, doomed and unable to experience some of the purest magic in this world... it's a shame. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help."

"No, Pabbie, you've done more than enough," Elsa assured, but she then yawned. They'd been up since dawn—it was starting to catch up with her with all the energy she'd exerted. "Thank you for your wisdom."

"Anytime, Elsa. I do hope you can figure this out. A cursed life is not one I would wish on anyone... even those who have wronged us in such terrible ways in the past." With that bit of wisdom, Pabbie said his goodbyes to Kristoff and Anna, before rolling away.

"Cursed..." Hans repeated, chuckling. "Of course that's what I am. Of _course_ that's what it is."

"You're taking this lightly." Elsa's brow furrowed.

"Elsa, after what you've seen of my life, don't you think that just makes sense? The unlucky thirteenth Prince of the Southern Isles, just some pawn in a deranged scheme set up by my mother for some unfulfilling revenge she never saw through?" He laughed a little harder. "My whole life seems like some elaborate joke of an existence!"

"I think he's lost his marbles," Olaf said, rather loudly. Sven huffed in approval.

"Hans, stop." Elsa placed her hands on his arms firmly. "We have the answers. We can figure this out." This was scaring her; why was he acting like this was _funny_?

He looked her in the eye, taking a deep breath. Behind the green behind the smile lines, Elsa could read him like a book: he was _miserable_. "Yes, fine," he said slowly. "I suppose I'm just a little tired."

"I'll say," Anna murmured. "At least I got _my_ answers. Now will you please have Gale lay off?"

Elsa sighed, stepping up to her sister. "I suppose so, now that you know I can handle it."

Anna raised a brow, looking over Elsa's shoulder to Hans. "I guess if you say so," she said slowly. "But you know I hate being on different pages now, especially when we live so far."

"I know, and I apologize for keeping this a secret for a while." Elsa laid a hand on Anna's shoulder, just to test the waters. "I just wasn't sure what to say."

"Okay." Anna leaned into Elsa, going in for a hug. "I believe you. Of course if anything happens, I'll be there in a heartbeat."

"Arendelle first," Elsa sighed, hugging Anna back. "I love you, but you know that."

"I do," Anna sighed back. "Please give my love to Yelena and the rest of the tribe."

"I will. And we'll be back together soon," Elsa assured. She said her sweet goodbyes to Olaf, Sven, and Kristoff, and it all felt like a blur—she'd gotten so tired all of a sudden. The Northern Lights danced above them, signaling that the night was truly underway.

Elsa whistled for the Nokk, who nudged against her and Hans before she mounted. Was it just her, or was Hans leaning against her the whole ride? She was too tired to even notice, blinking herself awake a few times. If she'd been alone, she would have slapped herself awake instead.

When they were back at the tribe, it was late enough that the embers on the main fire were dying. Of course, though, there was Yelena, still up, still waiting. Elsa suspected Honeymaren was somewhere in the shadows.

Sighing, she dismounted the Nokk, shooting at tired smile at Yelena. "We'll talk in the morning?" she asked.

"Of course," Yelena assured, patting her shoulder. "You both look exhausted—get some rest."

Elsa nodded, heading toward her hut, but she heard Hans behind her: "Actually, Yelena, I was hoping to have a word before I retire, if that's okay."

"That's fine, Hans." It was enough to make Elsa turn, pausing.

Hans walked up to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "You're fine—it's nothing to do with you," he said. "It'll just be a moment, and I'll be right inside. But I want to thank you, Elsa. I know how difficult this all was, and how it's taking its toll on you. You didn't have to help me, and yet you did. And we're so much closer to figuring this out."

The glow from the embers gave his green eyes golden flecks she'd never noticed. But she could tell, it was... genuine. He _meant_ his words, crazy as this all was, and now that his whole life was open to her like a book, he wasn't that enigma of a monster she couldn't figure out.

He was... Hans. And he wanted to get to the bottom of this just as much as she did.

Elsa quickly wrapped her arms around him, closing her eyes a moment. Listening. His heartbeat was there, steady and true, but even she could sense the cloudiness behind it, the uncertainty. She pulled away quickly. In the morning Yelena and Honeymaren would probably tease her about it, but right now? It felt right. It was what he needed.

It was what _she_ needed, after such a day.

Elsa meant to wait up for Hans to come back to the hut, but the moment she rested her head on her pillow, she was out like a candle.

**We have a hug! By the last fic they were doing so much more. But we like the slow burn, right?**

**As always, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated. Your support means the world to me. We're almost there, kiddos!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Now this was a chapter that I was surprised came to me far more easily than the others, prolly 'cause it's a little shorter. You'll prolly see why in a moment. Doesn't stop it from moving the plot along and all that.**

**_I'm Afraid of What I'm Risking if I Follow You_**

**Chapter 11**

The brightness hitting even the inside of the hut had Elsa realizing that it was already almost afternoon, when she finally woke up. Damn. She knew she'd passed out, but she didn't think that she'd wake up at such an unreasonable time. The whole tribe would certainly be up. Elsa could already feel Honeymaren's glare, the inevitable teasing...

Great, even Hans was up, his bed made. Groaning, Elsa stretched out, working out all the kinks in her shoulders, her toes. She might go for a dip in the river, even, to cool down. Watch, he was probably hanging out with his best friend, Yelena.

Elsa stretched her arms over her head, yawning as she exited the hut. The Northuldra went about their day, starting to stock up more for the coming fall and winter months. Honeymaren always offered if she wanted to help them hunt, that she'd be a great asset, but Elsa still wasn't comfortable with the idea—even though she frequently ate meat when she lived in Arendelle.

"Well, well." Yelena smirked, approaching with her arms crossed over her chest. "You're quite the sleeper."

"We had a long day yesterday," said Elsa, and she thought that was a decent enough excuse. She'd had to part the entire Dark Sea, after all.

"I'll say. Is Hans still sleeping in there?"

Elsa's brow furrowed. "No..." she said slowly, confused. "He's not inside the hut."

Yelena's eyes widened. "_What_?" she asked. "But I saw him enter last night..."

Oh. Oh no. The realization dawned on her, especially after that confession, the _hug_. She was too tired to see what he was doing.

Yelena sighed. "He must have left once he noticed I retired. You didn't notice?"

Elsa shook her head. "No—I must have been passed out."

"And he didn't leave anything? No note, no explanation?"

Blinking, Elsa stormed back into the hut, scouring Hans's side to see if he'd left something for her to read: some note, some indication of where he was going or what was on his mind. She should have taken more heed to how lightly he'd taken his fate, like a concession.

Had he been planning on making sure she was exhausted so he could... escape? Run away, like he did from the Southern Isles?

But now... Elsa hadn't planned on sending him back. She wasn't sure _what_ she wanted to do with him.

And now she might never know. She sank to the floor, defeated.

"Nothing." No indication of where he'd gone. Elsa looked up at Yelena. "What did he say to you last night?"

Yelena shook her head. "I promised him I'd never disclose our conversations to you. But he was clearly hurting, and told me what the trolls had said. Cursed... that must have been some dark magic his mother used."

"Enough for her to never love him, nor his brothers." Standing, Elsa tried to think back to anything. Maybe he was in Arendelle? Maybe back to the trolls?

There was no way he could make it back to Ahtohallan, not without her.

"He's pained. He wants to find the answers, but the way to get there... it's going to take years."

Before Elsa could answer, Honeymaren sprinted toward them. "Elsa!" she cried. "You have to help—the spirits, they..."

Honeymaren was interrupted by Gale whipping through the village, knocking her into Ryder, who was trying to guide a reindeer back to the herd. "Has anyone seen a missing cart?" he cried. "I think Gale blew it away!"

An earth giant skirted close to their boundaries. Bruni started to set trees ablaze, and that prompted Elsa right into action.

"Stop, _stop_!" she cried, quickly putting out Bruni's fires with bursts of ice. Something was _very _wrong; she could feel it in her bones, just as she was sure the spirits were feeling in their core.

Forgetting about the burning feeling, Elsa scooped up a clearly worried Bruni. "What's wrong?" she pressed gently, frosting her hands over so he could cool down. "Have you seen Hans? Do you know where he is?"

Bruni just scurried around her hands in small circles, almost disoriented. Clearly he was more concerned that Hans wasn't around, and something wasn't right.

But why were _all_ the spirits reacting, then?

Then she heard a distant neigh. Elsa stood, but... that wasn't coming from the water.

The Nokk dashed right toward her, still frosted over.

Oh... Elsa had forgotten to take his frost coat off, too tired to even think about it! How should she have been so daft? Hans must have waited for Yelena to retire, checked to see that Elsa had, indeed, passed out completely, and disappeared. But why was the Nokk still here... and not with Hans?

Elsa frosted her shoulder so Bruni could settle there for now. As the Fifth Spirit with a cursed man on her hands (or out of her hands?), she had to get to the bottom of this; she'd come this far figuring this convoluted mystery out.

She pet the Nokk, trying to calm him down, too. Their anxieties were easily feeding into her, with their connection. "Whoa, whoa..." Her forehead pressed to his. "I know you've seen Hans last. You have to help me find him, okay?"

The Nokk nudged his nose, but Elsa knew that meant he'd help. That connection had always been there, between him and Hans, between Bruni and Hans, even if they couldn't interact in very natural ways.

"Okay," she decided. "I'll be right back. But we have to get going soon."

Elsa dashed back into the hut and grabbed her journal, scribbling out a quick note.

_Dear Anna,_

_ Spirits in complete disarray and causing chaos. Hans is missing. If you don't hear from me in three days, that's cause to assume something happened to me._

_ The Nokk and I are going to try to get to the bottom of this first._

_All my love,_

_ Elsa_

She folded the paper in half haphazardly, whistling for Gale. Gale whipped through Honeymaren again, tripping her aside, as if the wind had no control of her path.

"Send this to Anna, quick," Elsa ordered as her letter was swept up. "She needs to know something might happen to me."

The letter started to fly all over the place, though in Gale's gusts. Oh, Elsa hoped it got to Anna just fine, just in case... But there was no time to keep track of Gale's path. Bruni clung tight to her shoulder as she mounted the Nokk.

"I'm going to find Hans!" Elsa announced to the whole village. "I think, right now, I'm the only one who can."

Yelena tossed her a canteen, which Elsa strapped to her waist. "Good luck!" she called. "You'll get to the bottom of this."

Nodding, Elsa ran toward the water, defrosting the Nokk. They would make better time this way, now that she didn't have Hans.

* * *

The Nokk took her, surprisingly, to Oaken's. Once he indicated that they needed to get back to land, it all started to look more familiar. For now, she tethered the frosted Nokk to a nearby tree, and took Bruni off her shoulder, letting him play in a snow pile and flurry for now. "Stay here," she said, backing away slowly. "I think Oaken will help give me answers."

If he didn't try to sell her anything, that is.

"Yoo-hoo! Big summer blowout for upcoming fall! Time to update the wardrobe, ja?" Then Oaken looked up, recognizing Elsa. "Oh—Your Majesty! So pleased to see you again today, too! Can I interest you in sauna?"

"No, no sauna today, either, Oaken." Elsa shook her head politely. "Also, it's just 'Elsa' now. Remember, I renounced my title for Anna?"

"Ja, ja." Oaken waved a dismissive hand. "At least take a look at the summer blowout collection? We have cute swimming suit for you!"

Elsa couldn't help but laugh; Oaken was such a persistent businessman. But she _was_ here for something far more serious. "No. No, thank you. Oaken, do you remember my companion last night? Tall, long, red hair?"

"Oh, ja, the handsome one?" Oaken chuckled. Elsa supposed he technically wasn't wrong about that.

"Did he come through here at some point without me?"

Oaken nodded. "Strangest thing—came right before I closed last night and traded some lovely vinter clothes for some wood supplies, a sheet, rope, and a knife." He pointed at the clothes, and Elsa recognized them as the warm coats the Northuldra gave him for their trip to Ahtohallan yesterday.

What could he possibly do with those? "Did he mention where he was going or what he was doing?"

Oaken shook his head. "Funniest thing. Just made quick trade and took supplies. Very quiet man. Looked a little sad, though."

"I suppose." Elsa stroked her chin, sighing. This had helped, sure, but what about what happened next? Where else had the Nokk taken him? "Thank you, though."

"You find him soon, ja?" asked Oaken. "Tell him we also have deal on time in sauna."

"I'll relay the message," Elsa promised, starting to step out. "Thank you, Oaken. This was very helpful."

"Come back soon!" Oaken called out, and Elsa exited before he could try selling her something else from his "sale."

"Supplies?" she said to herself, frosting her shoulder again as she picked up Bruni. "What was he trying to make, I wonder...?"

Elsa took off her ice tether and remounted the Nokk. "Where else did he go?" she pressed. "You have to try taking me to him as best you can."

They were off again. Bruni had to cling to her shoulder for dear life, the Nokk racing back toward the Northuldra. But that didn't make much sense... not that she didn't trust him. But there wasn't much heading north... was there?

Sure, the scenery was familiar, but where exactly could they be going?

And then she started to recognize it from the rougher waves; they'd been taking the water this whole time and it had just dawned on Elsa.

The Dark Sea.

But... Hans couldn't have taken the Nokk in his frosted form. How could he have gotten to Ahtohallan—unless... he didn't?

Did he not make it?

Elsa leaned over the Nokk, patting his side. "Did he make it there?" she asked. "Do you know?"

The Nokk just swayed his head, and Elsa could only interpret that as that he didn't know. But he was clearly worried; as was Bruni. Unfortunately, if he was lost to the depths, finding him was going to be damn near impossible.

Her heart pounded; Hans had seemed so quick to resign to his fate as a cursed man. Had he gone off to die, thinking that would somehow be the only way to stop hearing the voice and bringing the spirits back to balance?

Elsa had never wanted him _dead_ in the first place. But after three years of being on the run, had he really consigned himself to such an end? Cursed, so might as well end it all instead of trying to break it?

Because he thought he couldn't be loved?

And what about the other cursed ones out there? Pabbie had mentioned his curse wasn't specific to just him. What if Hans could _help_ those others? Try to empathize with them, while trying to break his own curse? Where did they even exist?

These past few months, she'd seen what he was capable of. Had judged far too harshly in the beginning thinking he was going to try and take over the Northuldra. Yelena had some odd respect for him; Elsa wondered once again just what their conversations had been about. Honeymaren, stubborn as she could be, also found a soft spot for him. Bruni and the Nokk _adored_ him almost immediately, and just now Elsa could finally see that...

Maybe he could and had changed, for the better. Learned that ruling a kingdom wasn't true happiness, even if before he was told to expect it. Made to mold into some perfect being that would rule Arendelle when his mother could not. Her head hurt just thinking about it; Elsa couldn't believe that, yes, she was starting to finally see _Hans_ in a better light.

She could see Ahtohallan in the distance. Hopefully there was a trace of Hans, that he was safe and she could stop him from doing something _incredibly_ stupid (though she doubted it, given how crazily all the spirits were acting, and there was this nagging, sinking feeling in her stomach that something _definitely_ wasn't right). As the Nokk approached, Elsa noticed, docked on the ice, a crudely made raft (no, not that simple—this was a _lot_ more complex, and only slightly beat up from the rough waves). So that's what he got from Oaken's. It made sense that all his time at sea would have taught him how to sail a bit, too. Elsa thought Hans he just been taking in the store and all of his trinkets with fascination, but really it had been to take _inventory_. Or maybe it was just something he'd happened to notice by mere coincidence. She chose, for now, to think the latter.

"Stay here," she ordered to Bruni, far more sturdier than at Oaken's. The Nokk stayed at the shore, impatiently pacing like he wanted to enter, too.

Bruni tilted his head to the side.

"I mean it!" Elsa warned, pointing her finger. "You could get hurt." Or worse.

She entered the cavern cautiously. Ahtohallan didn't have that welcoming aura; instead it glowed in angry reds and oranges. "Hans?" she called out, and though her voice echoed, it came back cold, empty.

Elsa sang out to the voice, which she could hear last time—but it came back... flat. Haunting. Unpleasant, even. She didn't run, like before. She walked like anything could come out to scare or attack her—and Ahtohallan was supposed to feel like _home_.

She gripped to the rails she made for her bridge as she crossed, her steps small. In the heart of the cavern she could still see Hans's memories, though they moved slower than when she'd first summoned them. There had to be _something_ in these that wasn't completely hopeless, that showed those seeds being planted in his heart to start breaking the curse.

She went straight for Moana.

The awful part was, Elsa just couldn't understand what she was saying, or what Hans had learned how to say back. Her tone _sounded_ pleasant enough, but that might have been just because the language itself sounded beautiful. But then there was a memory of Moana helping Hans rig a sail... one that looked _awfully_ familiar to the raft outside.

Hans mentioned she taught him how to sail, but how to _build_, too? He used those skills to get here behind her back. Was he planning on running away anyway?

She hated that she knew where he was. She shouldn't go down there... should she?

There was another one of him and Moana embracing... tearfully on her end. Their parting. And Elsa realized... Moana _did_ love him. She thought him a really dear friend, extended a hand to him even after knowing what he'd done, and how he was trying to atone and move past it.

"_Your Majesty, if you do this one more time_..." Elsa turned, noticing the troll again, trying to talk Majken out of dealing with dark magic. "_You've changed so much since the first time you came to us—don't you realize_?"

"_I don't care_!" the Queen snapped. Elsa watched them go through the threshold, and hesitantly she followed. "_Agnarr is going to _pay _for what he's done, no matter the cost_!"

The troll sighed. "_You at _least _must know of the consequences—to keep a clear conscience_."

"_Fine_," Majken huffed. "_But I know how the magic works. Why hasn't Agnarr's bastard daughter been born yet_? _You imbeciles _assured _me it was just a matter of time, and I am twelve boys deep without even a _hint_ that his whore from the Northuldra is with child_."

"_Your Majesty, we cannot predict the future clearly_—" the troll tried to explain, but dropped off.

Damn. She couldn't go down there again; she just couldn't. There had to be a way for her to fetch Hans without risking her own safety.

Elsa tried to throw her powers down there, to lift him, if that's where he was. But nothing. No reaction. Her powers were completely neutralized on that ground, and she'd remembered how much strength it'd taken to get her message to Anna.

"Hans?" she called down, thinking that _maybe_ she had gotten here in time, that she wasn't too late.

But nothing.

Okay, fine. She'd go back to the Northuldra and devise a plan. Maybe even ask for Kristoff's assistance—if she could somehow get him all the way out here...

Something small scurried past her ankles and leapt right off the ledge into the depths.

Elsa's eyes widened, but it was far too late. "_Bruni_!" she cried, and that was enough to have her jumping right back down.

Lo and behold, there was Hans, frozen in place in full view of the memory playing before her. Bruni was trying to set him ablaze on his shoulder, but Elsa could see puffs of his tiny breaths—he was being affected, too.

She had mere moments. Elsa dashed to Hans but could feel her steps getting more and more difficult to trek.

"_Agnarr _will_ have a girl. But it could be now; it could be years from now. Unfortunately, with the toll this magic is taking on your body... if you have this thirteenth son, that is an omen. You've used all the love in your heart, and he will have none left to give_," the troll continued. "_He will be cursed with not understanding love, or empathy_."

"_I don't care_," Majken snapped. "_I pay you in the finest heirlooms from the Southern Isles. My thirteenth son _will_ rule Arendelle one day, no matter the cost—it isn't about love. He doesn't _need_ love. What he needs is a draw to power, which I _will _instill so he'll have the strength to unite the greatest empire with his brothers_."

Bruni cried out, but he froze right there on Hans. And Elsa could feel her toes starting to freeze up, as well. She turned from the memory to him, but she could still hear his mother and the troll.

"_You were so sweet before, Majken. I fear what's happened to you has left you a shell of your former self._"

Majken scoffed. "_I was weak then. I'm not the timid girl you once knew. Now give me what I desire, or I will not hesitate to take it by any means necessary_."

Elsa could feel their voices getting weaker. She had no idea if the Queen had slayed this troll, but by Hans's frozen expression seemed to convey it all.

He thought he could never affect anyone, that no one could ever _truly_ love him. No, he had no familial love, or romantic. Elsa's waist froze; she could feel the tips of her fingers cooling—she _hated_ this foreign feeling.

But there was Moana, who had helped him find his footing once more. There was the Nokk, who had worried enough about his disappearance to fetch Elsa. There was Bruni, who had risked himself to dive over the edge without hesitation.

There was so little time to act; Elsa had to do something, _now_.

If there were any indication from his memories, Hans had the capacity to break his curse, if only he _knew_—

He couldn't give up now. Not when he was this close to self-actualization.

With the last of her strength, Elsa surged her face forward, daring to press her lips to the former prince's ice cold ones.

And then she found herself frozen once more.

**And that's the end!**

**Just kidding, of course. But we are almost there.**

**Yes, you have to wait. Sorry, kiddos.**

**In the meantime, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!**


	12. Chapter 12

**I know this is late. We're in the endgame now.**

**_I'm Afraid of What I'm Risking if I Follow You_**

**Chapter 12**

She didn't know if it was the sudden kiss, her need to see Bruni moving again, or something else entirely that broke the ice. Elsa also didn't know just how long they'd been stuck like that, pressed to him in some intimate, dare she think it, _beautiful_ statuesque figure. All she knew was, when the ice broke beneath them and they fell through, her lips were still on Hans's.

Worse, Hans's eyes opened the moment they were in the water, and he _certainly_ noticed that Elsa kissed him. They were so beneath the surface… Elsa kicked, grabbing Hans by the collar and moving him toward the surface. Once Bruni realized where they were, he gulped and grasped onto Hans's shirt, his huge eyes worried.

Damn, _damn_…! She didn't know how much longer she could hold her breath, and that surface was looking further and further…

To her eternal gratitude, the Nokk, noticing them struggling, dove over to Elsa. She made sure her grip on Hans was strong as he pulled her out of the surface.

The waves were relentless. It was nighttime now, and Elsa and Hans barely had a moment to breathe before they were pulled under again, only for the Nokk to bring them up once more.

Once she had enough strength, she made a rein for the Nokk and climbed on his back. "Hold onto this!" she demanded, throwing it to Hans. He took hold, and Elsa knew he could handle it as she frosted the Nokk over, creating an ice block under him so he wouldn't sink immediately.

"Get on!" And Hans climbed aboard against the waves, gripping tight to Elsa's waist. She could feel him shiver; the water must have been cold, and he didn't have the layers like before, given he _sold_ everything to Oaken.

"Elsa, I—" he started.

"_Not. One. Word_," she hissed as they took off, back toward the Northuldra. She needed to think. She knew he wanted to apologize, knew he wanted to talk, but she needed to _think_. And she needed to concentrate on riding back across the Dark Sea on their ice trail, making sure they stayed above water. Elsa could feel a warmth just behind her shoulder, and figured Bruni had set himself on fire just to dry himself off.

Hans thought freezing himself in Ahtohallan to find the truth would probably _free_ Elsa from all his problems. Would free her from having to deal with him. She knew that laugh had been cryptic as hell, a cautionary foreboding of his plans. He'd been counting on her to be exhausted, thinking he could just run away without any consequences to her…

No, she didn't owe him a thing. But she was in too deep with this mystery, and now that she pretty much had all the answers… the key to breaking his curse might just have to continue with her. With the spirits all in disarray, with how his absence made them all go berserk… She could think of the terrible feeling she had in the pit of her stomach, like with him gone, there was no new purpose to her direction.

Hans wasn't the only one, that's what Pabbie had said. Didn't Hans owe it to himself to at least _think_ about the others in his situation? To break his own curse by helping them? Why was she being left with more questions than answers?

Why was she drawn to the idea of trying to find these other individuals?

Elsa rode the Nokk as fast as she could across the Dark Sea, perhaps taking a few of her frustrations out against the ice she was forming beneath them. She could breathe, finally, once the shore was in the distance, grateful she didn't have to work as hard once they reached land.

All she could hear was their labored breathing, especially from Hans, who huddled closer to Elsa for warmth. She supposed she couldn't mind it; she _did_ just save his life, after all.

Elsa could see the glow of fire from the Northuldra tribe, could see they were all still awake. Still, she wasn't sure of the time; it could be the middle of the night, for all she knew. She'd have to ask Yelena when they settled in.

But wait a minute, wasn't that…

Oh _no_. Had it been three days already?

When they pulled up to the village, seemingly everyone came to greet them in relief: Ryder, Honeymaren, Yelena… and then Olaf, Kristoff, and, of course, Anna.

"You're alive!" Ryder cried. "We were so worried!"

Elsa said nothing as she dismantled the Nokk. Once Hans was standing, she turned to him and slapped his cheek, hard.

"I deserved that," he admitted, sighing.

Still silent, Elsa took the Nokk by the rein, leading him out to the river. Behind her, she could hear the confused conversations starting, the Northuldra surrounding Hans to ask what had happened, why they were soaked. She bet Yelena was probably already handing him a blanket, getting him warmer clothes. Even Bruni followed Elsa, trying to make sense of all of this.

Elsa defrosted the Nokk once they were at the river, but instead of leaving, he stood before her, waiting for her to say something.

"What?" she sighed, petting his nose. "I did what I had to, and so did you. Thank you, again."

He shook his head, as if to disagree.

"_What_?" she asked again, throwing her hands up. Maybe she was taking her frustrations out on those around her, but _Hans_? Why the hell did _he_ have to be her…

Well, her first kiss, even if he was frozen?

The Nokk shook his head again. Elsa could feel what he meant to convey, but she frowned instead, crossing her arms. "You only need him because you want to interact with him on our own," she said stubbornly, and looked down at Bruni, who stood near the edge of the river. "You, too."

Bruni pouted, backing away from her.

"Well, that's one way to talk to the spirits."

"Anna…" Elsa turned, sighing. "I'm sorry, I…" But her brow furrowed. "Has it been three days?"

"Well…" Anna admitted, making a face.

"_Anna_!" Elsa tried to chastise, glad as she was to see her. Then it must have been the same night. "I said only if it's been three days! You have a kingdom to run!"

"_Well_, with the way Gale was trailing, like she was _drunk_, I definitely figured something was off," she explained. "I just… knew you were in danger again. Besides, General Mattias and Kai have everything under control for now. What happened?"

Sighing, Elsa realized she couldn't stay mad at Anna, not when she was already here. What could she do if she stayed angry, anyway? And she'd hug her sister, but… she was still rather wet. "When we came back to the village, I was too tired, and didn't defrost the Nokk," she explained. "Hans took him, made his own raft, and sailed to Ahtohallan on his own. The spirits were in complete chaos."

Anna held up Mother's scarf, presumably swiped from her hut while waiting for her return. Even if Elsa wasn't cold, wearing it still made her feel better. "Where was he?" she asked lowly.

"In the…" Before she could finish, reliving the cold, _feeling_ it again… It wasn't about Hans, but she burst into tears at the remembrance that now she'd been frozen _twice_ down there, cold and fearful.

"Oh, Elsa…" Anna wiped a stray tear, taking her sister's hands. "I'm sorry you had to go back down there."

Bruni sided up to her ankle, also as fearful of what had happened.

"I-it was awful," Elsa eked out. "I wouldn't have gone, but Bruni, he…" She shook her head, trying to talk through her sobs. "I didn't even see the memory play out, but… Anna, I think his mother killed the troll who gave her the magic in the first place. Hans's expression was so horrified…"

Despite the fact that she was still damp, Anna hugged her sister tight. "Do you think that helped or hurt Hans?" she asked.

"I-I couldn't ask." Elsa gripped to Anna's cloak. "I haven't talked to him since…" Well. Since she hugged him, now that she thought about it.

"You made quite the scene!" Anna pointed out, pulling back a bit. "Slapping him like that and then storming off."

Elsa laughed, wiping her eyes. "Not as good as that punch… Did Olaf—?"

Anna shook her head. "There was a moment… like the flicker of a candle. He faltered for a bit, but then… everything was back to normal. We somehow just _knew_ you were okay."

So… whatever she'd done had been instantaneous. She thought to Moana, thought to Bruni and the other spirits, who actually _cared_ about what happened to Hans. The change in him had always been there, and she was finally open enough to accept that the greedy prince who'd just wanted Arendelle once he'd gotten a taste of power… he didn't exist anymore. Not when his prison on the Southern Isles and two years on the run had actually gotten through to him, actually drove him _from_ what his mother had tried to instill. He was… more than what he'd been taught to believe.

"I have an idea why he went back to Ahtohallan, but… it's just that: an idea, a feeling," she confessed.

"Elsa, if that's the case, you do need to talk to him," said Anna lowly. "But did you both find what you were looking for, do you think? How to break his curse?"

"I… think so." Saying it out loud, she was starting to realize something, but she wouldn't say it out loud or really think about it until she had some rest, and a clear head. "I saw a few of the nicer memories, the ones that actually helped him get past whatever his mother had tried to instill. Turns out she _did_ want to make an empire using his brothers once he secured the throne in Arendelle. It doesn't make what happened _right_, but… I understand his desperation, at least."

"I think it's more than that." Anna's voice was still low. "You've been spending so much time with him, that the spirits have also made a bond, too. That's probably why they were so distraught when he froze over. You helped bridge a connection."

Elsa's brow furrowed; she couldn't believe what her sister was suggesting. "Anna, I'm not in love with him," she said, very surely.

"I didn't say that!" Anna declared, putting her hands up defensively. "But I think you like him. Otherwise you wouldn't be so torn up about all of this."

"I'm not torn up!" Elsa exclaimed quickly, probably proving Anna's point.

"Elsa, you have a lot to think about, with what you discovered in Ahtohallan, and what Grandpabbie told you. It's just _so much_ to absorb. Obviously there's something about him that at _least_ intrigues you, and it's not just that he's handsome." Anna shot her a cheeky smile.

Elsa sighed again, crouching by the river. She ran her hands through her damp hair, shaking it out. "I want him to give _some_ indication that he's the cruel prince who left you for dead, but there's _nothing_ he's done to show that. It was a one-time instance. Everything I saw in Ahtohallan suggests someone who's grown past that. But… am I allowed to forgive him for something so terrible?"

Anna kneeled beside her, rubbing her back gently. "I think only _you_ can answer that. And only you know if… whatever you've developed with Hans, is worth exploring."

"Do _you_ forgive him?"

"I… think I do. I think I stopped letting it affect me a while ago, especially with what I have now."

Smiling up at her sister, Elsa asked, "When did you get so mature?"

Anna shrugged. "Well, being a queen will make _anyone_ grow up pretty fast." She helped Elsa to her feet. "You have everyone worried sick. I know Yelena wants to talk to you at some point."

"I'm too exhausted to think…" Elsa confessed. "Again."

"When you wake up, then." They started walking back to the village, Bruni at their ankles. "We'll leave in the morning, but… only when you're feeling better."

Elsa nodded, looking to the dirt beneath them briefly. "Yes… that sounds good," she agreed, nodding.

When they returned, only Yelena was still up. Even Kristoff and Olaf had retired, to where Elsa would have to talk to them in the morning. Hans, Elsa could surmise, was where he should be.

Yelena wrapped a thick blanket around Elsa's shoulders, over Mother's scarf. "Welcome back," she greeted. Not "home." Now that she thought about it, Yelena had _never_ referred to the village as "home" to her, though she had with everyone else. "I'm glad you're both safe."

"Did you talk to Hans?" Elsa asked.

"Briefly," Yelena sighed. "But we don't need answers now. There's time for that later."

Elsa nodded, finally letting go of Anna. "Yes," she agreed, too tired to argue. "I'll talk to you both in the morning."

And, like the night before, when she entered the hut, she knocked out the moment her head hit the pillow.

* * *

When she woke again, Elsa noticed Hans wasn't in his bed, prompting her for a moment to believe that the past day was a dream, that she _hadn't_ kissed him and she hadn't put Bruni in danger.

But she was still wearing Mother's scarf and the blanket Yelena had wrapped around her, confirming everything.

To her surprise, when she emerged from the hut (probably still looking a hot mess), _Anna_ conversed with Hans with Bruni perched on his shoulder, sitting off and looking to Olaf, who was playing with the children and probably rambling about yet another existential crisis he was going through. Anna didn't seem to notice her come out, and neither did Hans, so she continued to let them talk—and figured it must be civil enough, at least.

"Where's Kristoff?" she asked instead, flagging down Honeymaren.

Honeymaren rolled her eyes affectionately. "Off with Ryder and the reindeer, of course," she explained. "You know how the boys are."

"I do," she chuckled. "And Anna and Hans?"

"They just started talking." Shrugging, Honeymaren crossed her arms. "Why, are you waiting for your turn with him?"

Elsa gave her a playful tap to her shoulder. "We have things to talk about, yes," she said politely. "I didn't leave on a great note last night."

"No, but I could tell you were holding in that slap for a while."

"A long while," she sighed. "But this was more for how he thought freezing in Ahtohallan was a better alternative to figuring out his curse and trying to break it."

"Well, he's here now. And he's getting along with your sister pretty well."

Elsa waved a hand. "They always have. I'm surprised they're so civil now."

"A man with nothing to lose? Pretty sure he can make time atoning for his sins." Before Elsa could mention that it was something Hans would say, Honeymaren, in her usual fashion, walked right off.

But there was Yelena, whom Elsa _needed_ to talk to.

"Yelena I—"

Holding her hand up, Yelena silenced Elsa. "Hans spoke to me. He didn't sleep last night, but I let him know about the spirits, and how distraught that little stunt made all _five_ of them."

Elsa knew better than to correct her; she needed to accept that, as one of the spirits, his disappearance had affected her, too.

"I also see it in your eyes. I know you've seen something there that's helped point you toward your future."

How did she…? Elsa had been grappling with it, but she should have realized… Yelena had felt this the whole time. She'd been trying to lead Elsa down this path because she'd _seen_ it for her.

The Northuldra wasn't her new home. It never had been. It'd been

"It's knowing that there are others out there," Elsa explained. "Others I can help, others afflicted like Hans… How can I sit by so complicit while knowing that?"

Yelena took her hands, smiling. "You've grown so much, Elsa," she assured. "You've taken everything from the spirits and become one with them. And wherever you go… they'll always be with you. _Ahtohallan_ will always be with you."

Elsa grinned back, pulling her into a hug. "Thank you." It's exactly what she needed to hear… even if she'd been too stubborn to believe it at first. But seeing Moana, seeing that there was hope for someone like Hans, who was cursed at birth without his knowing… the job of the Fifth Spirit was to build a bridge, right? The bridge between sisters, the bridge between human and spirit…

The bridge between those cursed and those not?

She watched Anna finally look over, smiling when she saw her sister, and beckoned her over.

To Elsa's eternal surprise, Anna kissed Hans on the cheek, then pursed her lips, contemplating. "Underwhelming," she decided. "It definitely wouldn't have worked out between us. I made the right choice with Kristoff."

"A damn shame," Hans chuckled, shaking his head.

Anna shot a knowing smirk at Elsa, one only she could see. Flushing, Elsa asked her sister, "You called me over?"

"Yes! I think… we'll be taking our leave soon." She took Elsa's hands, smiling. "That's okay, right?"

"Um… wow." She wasn't expecting _Anna _to be the one to suggest leaving; usually she was finding reasons to keep Elsa around, especially when she would come to visit Arendelle. What had she and Hans talked about? Was their conversation from last night enough? "Yes, of course that's fine."

Anna hugged Elsa tight, as they always did when they parted. But this seemed… different. Elsa couldn't put her finger on it. "I love you," she said into her hair. "You'll always be my big sister."

"I know." As if on cue, there was Ryder, Kristoff, Sven, and the rest of the reindeer. "I love you, too."

It was an easy parting, like all the other ones. Kristoff hugged her, Olaf hugged her, Sven nuzzled her shoulder. Elsa still couldn't escape the… certain something of it all. Maybe it was because Hans was there to witness it, silently in the background. That had to be it; they still had yet to talk since their hug. And she was honestly over the anger, after crying last night.

What she wasn't over, was the one thing she had yet to tell Anna. Maybe she would, when she wasn't so _embarrassed_ by the thought.

Elsa waved until she couldn't see Kristoff's carriage anymore. In her peripheral vision she noticed Hans siding closer to her, like he was politely waiting for her to acknowledge him. "I'm not sorry for slapping you," she said.

"I deserved it," he sighed. "But I've felt worse. Especially after Yelena told me about the spirits. And after you…"

Eyes widening, Elsa shushed him. "Not here," she decided, looking around. Sure, everyone was engrossed in their own tasks, whether it was children playing, fishing at the river, gathering firewood for the evening… but she wanted this to be private. She had to figure this out away from prying eyes, even if she trusted every soul here.

"You're right," he said. "Lead the way."

They seemed to kind of have their own… spot now. Somewhere further in the woods, downstream. A clearing for them to sit by the river, naturally taking their shoes off, dipping their feet in the water. But they'd been here so often since the Northuldra found him, that they seemed to gravitate here almost naturally. First Elsa did it out of contempt, to keep watching him, but now…

"The kiss broke the ice," he stated. "You can try to deny it, but I know that's what it was. I could feel it—dunno if it was just a beat, but… it happened."

"Well… Bruni dove down there first. I couldn't just let him be alone." Elsa looked down at her feet. "I heard what your mother said. It must have been difficult to hear her confirm all your suspicions before you were even born."

"In a way, it's a little cathartic, to know the truth," Hans confessed. "Even at what it cost."

Elsa supposed she understood that sentiment, the first time she ventured down. She figured out the truth about her grandfather, why her mother saving her father had been so important to the spirits. She just nodded. "I've never been cold until I dove into Ahtohallan. It's such a strange, foreign feeling. I hated it."

"Well… welcome to how most of us feel every winter," Hans teased, nudging her lightly. Bruni nuzzled into him, as if to respond.

"I bet Bruni's never felt cold before then, either," Elsa pointed out. Bruni stuck his tongue out in agreement.

"He's feeling a little warmer now," he confessed, looking over at the little salamander. "I guess this curse _is_ breaking, albeit slowly." Hans dared to even take her hand, reaching over. To be fair, they _were_ sitting relatively close. "Thanks to you."

Elsa shook her head. "I'm just doing what's right. The spirits have taken a liking to you, and acted up once you were frozen."

"And you?" He squeezed her hand a little tighter. "I suppose it's foolish of me to think anything of what happened, but I thought, with how we've been growing closer…"

Elsa sighed, she hated confronting this. But it was inevitable, after… Closing her eyes, she thought about what she wanted out of all this, her conversation with Yelena. "Hans… I do want to help break your curse," she confessed. "But don't you wonder about the others out there like you? The cursed ones, thirteenth children, conceived more from magic? What if… we could help them?"

Looking up, she watched Hans tilt his head. "_We_?" he repeated. "As in… teaming up together?"

"Don't make me say it again." She flushed. "But hearing about Moana, and how you're not the only one… Much as I love learning about the Northuldra, and where my mother hails from, and being in tune with all the spirits…"

"Elsa, you weren't meant to stay here forever," Hans assured. "I could have told you that from the beginning, but you refused to believe me."

She just nudged him again. "I'm incredibly stubborn," she said, and she hadn't done nothing to get rid of the hand on hers. "But it took all this… to see that's true. I _want_ to find the others like you and help them. I… want to meet Moana, if that's even possible."

"With the things you can do, it's possible," Hans replied. "Had I not been so stupid and selfish, and just _thought_ for a moment… I would have drawn the same conclusion. Eventually."

Maybe Elsa could play devil's advocate for a moment. "Well, with the hell the majority your life has been, I suppose I understand why you did what you did." Elsa rolled her eyes, but there was a playful glint behind it. "Doesn't make it any less foolish. All the pieces to breaking your curse are there. Now it's just a matter of time."

"Well…" Hans inclined a little closer. "You might just be a key component in breaking that curse."

Her breath hitched, and she certainly wasn't prepared. Elsa leaned away a little _too_ much, and stumbled into the river. Hans, who still had his hand on hers rather tightly, got dragged under a moment later. Bruni leapt off his shoulder to the ledge

When they both resurfaced in the shallow end, both able to stand. And then… Hans laughed. Not maliciously, not in that cryptic way that had her worrying. But a good, healthy laugh, one she'd yet to hear from him. He flicked his ponytail over his shoulder and stepped a little closer to her.

She allowed it, her lips parting slightly. The sincerity was there, in those green eyes. Eyes that didn't see her as some otherworldly spirit or a former Queen. Just… Elsa. Elsa, who could help break his curse. Who was starting to get to know this man who was finally _starting_ his life, after his mother had tried to dictate it for so long.

"I like you," he decided, cupping her face gently. "You're unhinged, now, more beautiful, sure of yourself. And yet you… want to do this together? Despite it all?"

Elsa nodded, finding herself leaning in. Hans was finally shedding his former life, and she was there to witness it. "Together," she agreed, her heart pounding.

He closed the gap, his lips soft and sure. And Elsa leaned into it, daring to rest her hands on his chest.

There was a warmth under her palm not even she could place, the cloudiness in his curse clearing up just the barest bit.

**Talk about a slow burn. Yes, there's still one more chapter to go. But I think it'll be a bit more of a satisfying conclusion than my last fic. Til then, stay safe everyone!**

**As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Yes, we're already at the end! Thirteen chapters to sum up this cursed thirteenth son; it's perfect! Thank you for being here with me this whole journey, from the beginning of the year to the beginning of summer Helsa week (and Anna's birthday)! Can you believe it took six months for us to get here?**

**I want to thank everyone who's encouraged me on this journey with my return to writing a Helsa fic. I know this is a really short epilogue, but I wanted to sum it all up, bring it to the ending I wanted from these two! The possibilities are endless, after all.**

**So without further adieu, the final chapter!**

_**I'm Afraid of What I'm Risking if I Follow You**_

**Chapter 13**

_My dearest Anna,_

_ I'm afraid it's going to be a while before I come home for charades. I suspected you felt that way when Hans and I came back from Ahtohallan. I still don't know what you talked about, but I think I have a feeling, and that moment is only for the two of you. And I think you could sense my own unease—you _are _a Queen, after all, and a damn good one at that. Better than whatever I could be._

_ Yelena's always had this idea that living with the Northuldra and learning about their culture and people was just meant to be my stepping stone toward something greater. Stubbornly I told you she was wrong. Yet she was right, and I should have realized that. But I was scared._

_ I was scared that the path she was leading me down would include Hans. And after everything we know about him now, that's definitely true. I'm the best chance he has of breaking his curse. And he's the best chance anyone else has out there of breaking theirs. _

_ I'll do my best to send letters where I can to let you know I'm safe. After all, the spirits will always be with me, as will Ahtohallan—but I never want to give you a reason to worry. There's already enough on your hands. _

_ Our first mission is retrieving Hans's horse, Sitron. We can't keep using the Nokk when the Northuldra need him more, but he's a good starting point. Bruni, though, is more than happy to join us on the adventure. The Northuldra have assured us that we can take the little guy off their hands for now, as he can still get a little reckless. _

_ We're going to do our damndest to break this curse together. Until then, I'll count down the days until we're reunited. Give my love and kisses to Olaf, Kristoff, and Sven for me._

_All my love,_

_Elsa_

"Ready to go?" Hans nudged her shoulder with his own, before tying his hair back into its usual ponytail. She had to admit, not only was she getting used to it, but she kind of even _liked_ it now.

Elsa nodded, folding her letter carefully for Anna before stuffing her journal into the handmade bag Yelena had made specifically for the journey. Fall was approaching. Change in the air surrounded them, from the colorful leaves to the crisp air.

Speaking of, there was Gale, blowing by with the suspicion that she would soon be off with news for the Queen of Arendelle. "Here you go," said Elsa, holding up her letter. "Make sure it gets to my sister safely, okay?"

Gale circled Elsa a few times, before taking off, her letter fluttering in the leaves. She closed her eyes and sighed, taking in a deep breath.

They were doing this. They were going to find those cursed, hear their stories, and help them in any way they could: Elsa with her powers, Hans with his sympathies and life story.

And maybe his sailing skills.

The Northuldra strapped on all supplies they'd need for their journey, though Elsa assured that, for the most part, they'd probably be fine just relying on each other. Then again, unlike her, Hans could get cold, and at least had his own homemade articles the seamstresses of the tribe had made for him lovingly. Not to mention the Northuldra made some fantastically woven blankets for the cold days ahead.

"You're going to wear that on this adventure?" Hans asked, raising a brow. Even Bruni, perched as always on Hans's shoulder, tilted his head in agreement. "Not that you don't look beautiful, but you'll certainly stand out."

Elsa looked down at herself. True, she'd been in this variation of dress for a while now: her cape well past her feet, the magic of Ahtohallan shining with its white skirts and sandals.

But for this journey, she'd need to be more practical. Elsa touched her shoulders. Her dress transformed into a snow-jeweled, cool grey bodice, her pants now loose enough to run in. Her sandals turned into heeled riding boots. The cape, while shorter, certainly stayed—it was her signature, after all.

"Much better," she sighed, piling her long hair into a bun. "Don't you think?"

"I think I definitely prefer you much more in pants, honestly," said Hans, shooting her a cheeky smile.

Elsa just pursed her lips at him, her eyes squinting. Before long, she'd get used to the teasing and flirting.

At least, she hoped so.

"Loving the new look," said Honeymaren, handing Elsa her mother's scarf, folded. It needed a good wash, and Elsa only trusted her friend to do so with the care it needed. "You have everything?"

Elsa tucked the scarf into her bag so it'd always be with her. "Now I do," she assured, hugging Honeymaren tight. "Thank you for this."

"You sure you won't need a reindeer out there?" Ryder asked, just one more time. They still hadn't really come around on Hans, though they could brave the cold rather well.

"I think we'll be fine," said Elsa. "The Nokk will certainly keep us safer than most, and once we have Sitron, we'll send him right back to you."

"Take as much time as you need," said Yelena, breaking a hug from Hans. "We've lived with unruly spirits enough to know how to handle ourselves without their help." She approached Elsa, taking her face in her warm hands. "You have all the tools you need out there at your disposal. I've no doubt you'll be completely successful in finding what you're both looking for."

"Thank you for everything, Yelena." Elsa sighed into her hug; it reminded her so much of Mother's...

"Iduna would be proud of you. Even now, I feel her spirit encouraging you, that this was the path you're meant to take."

"I feel that, too." Elsa nodded, parting. "Thank you for helping me realize that, as well."

"You're quite the stubborn one." Yelena shrugged. "You also get that from your mother."

To know that they were so alike... Elsa placed a hand over her heart, unable to stop grinning. Her mother had done what was right in helping her father, even if his father brought on the conflict. Working through the sins of the past to make a better future. She would try to bring that same, patient energy to this, though her path to forgiving Hans would certainly be rockier.

At the river, Elsa summoned the Nokk with a whistle, bringing him to land with her frost. Hans strapped their supplies to his back, once Elsa fashioned reins to keep everything safe. After mounting, she took Hans's hand to help him up, now just fine with his hands at her waist to keep himself steady. The Northuldra waved them off with their chant, wishing them good luck and fortune on their journey. She could feel the warmth emanating from Bruni just behind her shoulder, the brush of Gale through her bangs. Once they exited the tribe, could hardly hear the chant anymore, the rock giants even helped lift them onto higher ground.

"You ready for this?" she asked Hans, bracing him as the Nokk leapt from the help of the giants to another ledge. The faster they rode, the more the trees blurred around them, the scenery changing quickly from the Enchanted Forest, past the fjord so close to Arendelle.

"I'm with you, Elsa," Hans replied, leaning over to press his lips briefly to her shoulder. Luckily he couldn't see her smile.

Hans mentioned the only lead he had on Sitron was that he suspected his brothers traded him off to somewhere in Weselton. Elsa had never been, of course, but the Duke _had_ mentioned they'd been Arendelle's closest trading partner. Maybe they could both get their comeuppance with the slimy Duke, even, for him calling her a monster, for sending his goons out with clear intent to murder. It was as good a place to start as any, to hear where the spirits took her, to finding those who needed their help for whatever terrible spell magic had put them under. A valiant mission, she supposed, fit for this former queen and prince. Maybe one day she'd even meet the famous Moana, the one who found it in her heart to teach Hans, to see past all the wrongdoing and love him in her own way.

Elsa could already feel Hans's curse breaking, chipping away slowly, the sure beat of his heart steady against her back as his hands tightened around her waist.

They rode west toward the sunset, venturing into the unknown... together.

**Yes, Elsa's new outfit is her "Monster" outfit from the Broadway version. Yes, I wanted to end this fic on that line.**

**And in all honesty, I'm leaving everything open ended for your stories, your ideas. My last fic I mentioned I didn't want anyone else to explore this universe; this fic, I encourage you all to go wild! Bring your ideas to my attention; let me know what you think!**

**I probably won't be returning to this universe anytime soon, but I hope this ending is satisfactory enough to sate you for now. Please stay safe out there!**

**And as always, comments and kudos are insanely appreciated.**


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